What would it be like to live with this man? She imagined sharing a home with him, seeing his face each morning. Although the vision of marriage should have made her uneasy, somehow the idea of living with Paul no longer threatened her. He might steal a kiss or touch her the way he had at thecèilidh. But if she asked him to stop, he would. She believed that without question.
Then, too, marriage to him offered a permanent escape from Strathland. Even if the earl did confess what he’d done, he could never force her into marriage. Not if she was already wed.
She let out a slow breath. “I need to think, Paul.”
He stepped back, granting her space. “If you agree, I’ll take you back to Scotland with me. We willna be needing your parents’ consent, or a special license, if we elope.”
Juliette didn’t ask what would happen if she refused. He would return to Scotland, as he’d said. She was strongly considering saying yes, not only because of the safety it offered… but also because it would leave an emptiness inside her if he left. Her feelings had never dimmed over the years, although she was afraid of reaching for a life with this man. Wanting him this badly was dangerous for both of them.
And yet, being without him was far worse.
“I want your answer tomorrow night, at Lady Rumford’s ball,” he told her. “If you come, we’ll announce our betrothal. If you’re not there, I’ll leave for Scotland the next day.”
With that, he withdrew the silver ring from his pocket and left it on the table before disappearing into the night.
Chapter Ten
The following day, Juliette walked alongside her aunt Charlotte in the morning sunshine. She couldn’t stop her smile as she drank in the sight of Matthew, happily swaddled in blankets. He was nearly a year old, and his brown eyes shone with happiness. She loved his rosy soft cheeks and his nonsensical babbling.
I can’t leave him,she thought to herself.
There was no denying that her aunt adored her son. Matthew would never want for anything as long as he lived. It should have made it easier to walk away, giving him up to the woman who treasured every breath he took.
And yet, her heart bled whenever she spent time with them, knowing she could never be his mother.
“I presume you won’t be attending Lady Rumford’s ball tonight,” her aunt commented. “As we discussed.”
Juliette hesitated. “I haven’t decided yet.” Although Paul’s offer had been on her mind all night, she did not yet know what her answer would be.
“There’s nothing to decide,” Charlotte retorted. “We agreed that you would remain behind doors until Strathland is gone.”
She didn’t know what to say, and decided the truth was easiest. “Dr. Fraser asked me to marry him last night. He wants my answer tonight at the ball.”
Aunt Charlotte frowned as she passed Matthew over to Juliette to hold. “As I’ve told you before, I think it’s highly inappropriate. You’re a baron’s daughter. You can do far better than a physician.”
Juliette held the baby close, not surprised by her aunt’s aversion. “And as I told you, it’s my choice to make.”
Charlotte let out a sigh. “There’s something I don’t understand about him. I know why your uncle and I didn’t expose him, but why has no one else investigated his claim of being a viscount’s heir? All of London loves a good scandal.”
“Perhaps they had no way to disprove it,” Juliette answered. “And he behaves like a gentleman. No one would know hewasn’ta future viscount.”
“Be that as it may, I don’t think you should marry him.” She adjusted Matthew’s blanket and dropped her voice to a whisper. “No one knows what happened to you, and you have the chance to start again. Now that His Grace, the Duke of Worthingstone, has sponsored a Season for you, you have so many more choices.”
No, she didn’t, despite what Charlotte believed. “Who would marry a young woman who doesn’t wish to have children? You know what happened when I went into labor. And there’s only one way to prevent conception.”
“There are a few elderly men who already have heirs,” Charlotte suggested. “Perhaps a widower.” The flush on her face suggested that she hadn’t truly considered this. And Juliette had no desire to wed a man old enough to be her father.
She ignored her aunt’s suggestion. “You both know that Lord Strathland will attempt to spread stories about me,” she reminded her aunt. “Stories that will hurt Margaret’s and Amelia’s chances of finding a husband.” Juliette tightened her hold on Matthew. “I won’t let that happen. If marrying Dr. Fraser will prevent the earl from revealing everything, then I shall.”
She said nothing of her own reasons for wanting to be with him. A marriage to Paul was a grave risk, but he wanted to make her happy. And that was worth something. Her decision was beginning to take shape, even as frightening as the future might be.
“But why this man? Why not anyone else?” Charlotte insisted.
“Because I believe him when he says he’ll protect me,” Juliette admitted. When she was near Paul, it felt as if no one could ever harm her. “And I’ve told him I won’t have any children. He loves me enough that it doesn’t matter.”
Her aunt stopped walking, her face drawn in. “You don’t know for certain that you can’t have more children. It was a difficult birth, but it’s possible—”
“No. I won’t take the risk.” Too many women died in childbirth. Juliette wasn’t at all eager to be one of them.
