“There are other ways to have children,” her aunt reminded her. “Even if you never bear another yourself.” She touched Matthew’s head, and the silent message wasn’t lost on Juliette. She could take care of an orphaned child, if need be. There were many, many children in need of love.
“Perhaps,” Juliette agreed.
Her aunt frowned suddenly, caressing Matthew’s cheek. “Before you agree to wed Dr. Fraser, you need to tell him what happened, Juliette. Not all of it… but enough so that he understands how you were hurt.”
“And shall I tell him about Matthew?”
Charlotte shook her head. “No. He must be protected at all costs. Tell Dr. Fraser that your baby died, if you wish.”
She knew her aunt was right. Before she bound Paul into marriage, he needed the chance to refuse. Likely he thought she was only scared of bedding him. He didn’t know that another pregnancy could cost her life.
And yet… he’d offered a celibate marriage. For him to agree to such a thing meant that he really did care for her.
A fragile warmth encircled her as Juliette believed she could truly find a happiness with him. She was weary of being a victim, of feeling as if she didn’t deserve the life she wanted. If Paul were by her side, she could makehimhappy. And perhaps that would be enough for both of them.
She held Matthew close, and he nestled beneath her chin, as if to burrow more deeply against her. His baby skin smelled of soap, and the downy hair was soft against her throat. Giving him up had been the hardest thing she’d ever had to do. No matter that he was conceived in a moment of terror, he was a living piece of her heart and always would be.
She met her aunt’s eyes and saw the sadness within them, as if she wanted to take the baby back from Juliette’s arms. In the end, Charlotte admitted, “Matthew is the greatest gift I’ve ever had.”
Juliette kissed her son’s head and closed her eyes as she embraced him. “Thank you for letting me have this time with him.” She feared it might be years before she saw her son again.
They started walking back, and along the way, Charlotte said, “If a marriage to Dr. Fraser is what you want, I won’t stand in your way. I’ll speak to my sister and do what I can to help you. But you’ll have to wed in Scotland, since you won’t have your father’s permission.”
“It’s what Paul wants,” she agreed. “To return home to Ballaloch.”
“But what about whatyouwant?” Charlotte asked.
“I want to protect my sisters. And if that means leaving London, I shall.”
“Answer me this, then,” Charlotte prompted. “If Lord Strathland had not come to London, would you still agree to wed Dr. Fraser?”
She didn’t know the answer to that. The more time she’d spent with Paul, the more she felt like he’d given her back her life. He’d made her realize how much she’d been hiding behind Matthew.
“Paul wants to make me happy,” she assured her, avoiding a direct answer. “And I think I will be.”
Her aunt led her along the gravel pathway. “If you do this, you’ll be living a life of poverty. Physicians do not earn as much, and it will not be what you’re accustomed to.”
“I have no intention of being poor.” Especially now, when she had the sewing business earning such strong profits. She intended to continue her work with Aphrodite’s Unmentionables, even from Ballaloch. Although Victoria still made the design decisions, all of the accounting had fallen to Juliette. She loved the freedom of setting prices and tallying the results of their labor. Perhaps the profits would grow enough, over time, keeping her so busy that she would forget about losing Matthew.
Just as they reached the end of the path, they saw the Earl of Strathland approaching. The sight of the man made her blood freeze, and her grip tightened upon the baby.
“Don’t run,” Charlotte warned. “Behave as if there’s nothing at all wrong.”
But Juliette had to resist the urge to flee with her son. Thank God, the earl didn’t know anything at all. The fervent need to protect Matthew went deeper than any fears. “Keep Lord Strathland away from me,” she whispered back.
The earl had stopped his approach when his gaze narrowed upon Matthew. Juliette didn’t look at him but kept her eyes focused upon the child. Her heartbeat trebled, and she prayed he wouldn’t guess the truth.
At that moment, Matthew reached up to her cheek, babbling, “Mum-mum-mum.” Juliette’s face went scarlet, and she tried to ignore her son’s chortling. Had the earl heard?
“Give him back to me, Juliette,” her aunt murmured beneath her breath. “Now.”
She obeyed, careful not to make eye contact with the earl as she handed him over. When she glanced up again, Strathland’s eyes held the fury of a violent storm. Instead of approaching her, he kept his distance.
“Keep calm and say nothing,” Charlotte ordered, holding the boy close. But against her body, he began to squirm, his face puckering as he began to whimper. The fussing grew noisier, and no matter how her aunt shifted the child to different positions, his cries worsened.
It was killing Juliette not to take her son back. She knew that at a deep level, the infant knew she was his true mother. He would quiet down if she took him into her arms. But if she dared to claim him again, it would only draw more attention. Her instinct to protect Matthew was greater than the need to comfort him.
The earl was watching them, and she could do nothing to arouse his suspicions. He departed from both of them without saying a word. Even so, she strongly suspected that he would not forget what he’d seen.
