She never has to talk, never has to do anything other than this for me to feel okay. She only needs to put her arms around me, her hand on my chest, or her hand in mine, and everything ugly in the world or within me is washed out. Easy as that.
“Can we try this thing?” I ask suddenly.
Lana pulls back and throws her arms around my neck. “What thing?”
“It’s an eye contact, honesty thing…” I shrug, running my hands up and down the curves of her body until they settle on her hips, beneath her shirt. “I don’t know.”
“Okay.” Lana nods and cradles my face in her delicate hands. She rolls her shoulders, licks her lips, and her eyes lock into place with mine. “Let’s do it.”
My eyes flit to her lips for a moment too long before they snap back up to her eyes. And that is when I determine this might be a terrible idea. “Okay.”
There is a long string of silence between us, and her caramel eyes never once leave mine—or mine hers. Too many things to name begin to stir in my chest. My body feels more alive than it has in a long, long time, and my heart picks up just before it calms. I inhale sharply, and exhale shakily, my chest heaving a bit.
The love I’ve always felt for her has been so pent up, waiting to be released and given to her, that now my body relaxes. My fingers beneath her shirt, wrapped around her waist, twitch against her warm, smooth skin. And I want to worship her. I want to throw her back onto this bed and kiss her dizzy, lazily, and slowly until we’re asleep. Then in the morning, I’ll remove her clothes and kiss across every inch ofher skin. I want to hold her close as I make love to her, slowly and intently, whispering my adoration in her ear.
I just want all of her. Everything that comes with loving her, I want it. The house, the kids I didn’t know I wanted until I fell in love with her, the ring I’ll buy to slip onto her finger—she’ll have everything she deserves.
Fuck, I need to kiss her.
It’s a second too late when I realize I’m wetting my bottom lip.
And Lana giggles suddenly. “Sorry—Sorry, I…”
“You’re beautiful, baby,” I whisper.
Her laughter dies and her tiny gasp is mostly silent before she says, “So are you.”
“I missed you,” I breathe. “I thought about you every day.”
“Me too.”
“And everyday I didn’t want to do it anymore—every day that I wanted to give up and let myself die…”
“Christian—”
“I saw you and thought of you. I love you, Lana. I’ve never loved anything or anyone the way I love you.”
“Is this how this thing is supposed to work?” Lana asks quietly. “Just quiet confessions.”
“I think so.”
“It’s very…intimate,” she whispers.
“Is it weird?”
Lana shakes her head and breathes, “Christian.”
“Yeah, baby.”
“I love you,” she blurts out quietly. “I love you so much.”
My jaw loosens, lips falling open slightly, and I feel my body float. So many things leave my body at once, I physically feel lighter.
Three words she hasn’t told me since I’ve been back, and she says them now.
The corners of my vision blur as I choke out, “You do?”
“I always have. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t.”
