“That isn’t true!” Natalia shouts, her pointer finger defending her honor. “That isn’t true and you know it. You aren’t a boy toy…that isn’t true!”
“Isn’t it? Natalia, tell me what it is you really want from me. Please,” I beg. “Andthatwill be our line. Ourground rule.”
She inhales sharply, her hands dropping at her sides and tugging at her sleeves—hiding. And I wait, hoping.
“Right,” I breathe, pulling open the door. “Well…I’m leaving.”
“Rowan, please.”
“I’ll see you?—”
“Why are we in a fight?” Natalia shouts. “I don’t understand! Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” She groans loudly, burying the heels of her palm in her eyes. “I can’t do this right now,” she croaks. “Just go. Get out.”
“Natalia.”
“What?”
“Nat—”
Her hand flies to her chest, a soft slap as she presses against it. “I just feel very overwhelmed right now,” she pants. “Like—Like I can’t—I can’t breathe.”
“Shit,” I hiss to myself. “Nat, sweetheart.” I set my hands on her shoulders. “Breathe, baby.”
“No, no, don’t touch me.” She sniffles hard. “I can’t be touched right now. I just…I…”
“Tell me what to do,” I croak. “How do I help you?”
“You can’t, Rowan! Why don’t you get that?”
I sigh, my heart breaking. I can’t possibly just leave her here like this. But when I take a step forward, she takes two back. “Natalia.”
“If you want to leave so badly, then go,” she cries. “Go.”
“I don’t want to leave like this,” I say. “Not fighting like this.”
“We aren’t fighting,” she nearly shouts. “We don’t fight! We arefucking, Rowan. You come over, you fuck me, and thats it.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“Right.” I roll my tongue over my teeth and nod.
“Don’t do that,” she groans with a stomp, tears suddenly pouring out of her. “You think I’m like this to be cute? That Ienjoybeing like this?” She roughly smacks her temple as she says, “There is something wrong with me! I cannot fix it!”
“Stop that,” I drop everything.
Natalia continues smacking her temple, harder and harder as she sobs. “There is somethingwrong with me! Fuck!I can’t haveanythingno matter how much I want it!”
“Stop that,” I say again as my hands wrap around her wrists, pulling her hands away from her head, gripping them tight in my hands. “Don’t hurt yourself like that.”
“Please just leave,” Natalia sobs, her breaths uneven and heavy and shaky.
I hold her wrists and bring them to my chest. “No.”
“Go, Rowan.” She hiccups. “Let me go. I’m doing this for you.”
“No.” My jaw ticks. “No. Come here.” I pull her body into my chest. Natalia fights for only a few seconds, but she quickly submits and settles into my body as my arms wind around her, one hand cradling the back of her head and the other arm around her waist.
