“Joel, I can’t undo what I did at the club. Lucas is a jackass who’s been flirting with me since he moved here a few years ago. I shut him down. Not just because I didn’t want him to out me, but because there is nothing about him that interests me.
“I admit that at the club, my first instinct was self-preservation, but then I didn’t want him to know about you. He didn’t deserve to know how amazing you are and how important you are to me.”
I reached out to touch his face. I didn’t know how many tears he’d shed this week, but his eyes told me they’d been more than he deserved.
“It’s okay, David. I understand. And I’m sorry, too, for not listening to you that night. I came to your apartment because Max told me to hear you out, and he was right. I’m glad I did.”
He took a deep breath and then got up. It was like he was going to say something he didn’t want to.
“I meant what I said before, Joel. Please keep coming back to your grandparents. I’d really like it if we could still be friends, but I would be happier if I knew you were still coming back to them. Please, Joel.” It was almost a cry.
He wanted to be friends, but I wanted to be much more. The conflict inside me was tearing me apart. I loved this man, and I wanted to be with him. How could we make it work if he didn’t want to come out to his family?
“David, come with me to New York.” I got up from the sofa and stood right in front of him. “I love you. I love you so much I’m not even sure how all the particles of my body remain in one piece when you’re not around. Come with me to New York. We can be together there. No one would know. It would be just us, but you wouldn’t have to lose your family.”
My voice was full of desperation and determination. When the thought that David could come to New York crossed my mind suddenly, it all became clear. His aunt and uncle managed the café quite well on their own, and David could do his culinary studies or open his own business. The important thing was that we could be together.
“No.”
The one-word answer was like a shot to my heart. I’d opened myself to him again, declared my love, but he said no. His words made my skin crawl. Embarrassment coursed through my veins. I had to get out of there.
I made a move to leave, but David caught my arm and turned me back around. He put his hands on either side of my face and cleaned the tears that were running down my face with his thumbs.
“No,” he repeated. “I don’t want to go to New York.” He paused. “I mean, if that’s what you want, then I’ll go, but if you just want me to go so we can hide, then I don’t want to go. We don’t need to hide anymore.”
“Wha—”
His mouth landed on mine with the force of a man deprived of physical contact. I couldn’t make sense of what David was saying, and now that he was kissing me with so much passion, tenderness, and love, I didn’t care.
I held on to him, scared that if I’d let him go, this moment would stop. I hadn’t touched David for a week, and my lips and tongue wanted to get reacquainted. Fuck, he tasted so good.
It was with reluctance I stopped the kiss, but I was still confused. We didn’t need to hide anymore? Why?
“Dav... mmm, David.” I tried to speak between his nibbling on my lips. “What do... you mean?”
David stopped the kiss, leaving me drunk with lust, and took us to the spare room, his old room, now his office. The love seat was right in front of the balcony, facing my apartment.
He sat and brought me down with him. We cuddled up together with his arms around me and his hands stroking my hair.
“I told my aunt and uncle I’m gay.”
“Oh, David.” I thought I’d see sadness or regret in his expression, but he was smiling. No, he was grinning.
“They were okay with it, Joel. No, they were more than okay. They love me.” The emotion in his voice was palpable. Whatever had happened between David and his aunt and uncle was significant and had changed everything for him.
He was free to be himself around his family now, and it meant he could be in a relationship with another man. Not me. He’d kissed me, but he didn’t say he loved me.
“Of course they love you. But how about your uncle? What made him change?”
“It’s a long story. He’s really sorry about the way he’s treated me all these years. I also know who Vítor is now.”
“Who is he?”
“He’s Uncle Mário’s brother. I will tell you the story later, but there’s something I have to show you.”
I hadn’t noticed he’d grabbed the package he’d been holding earlier when we came into the room. When he put it on his lap, I realized it was the journal.
“There is something I want to tell you, but first I need to show you this.”
