Chapter Twenty-Six
Joel
The last thingMax told me before he went through the departure gate at Lisbon airport was to put all my feelings of hurt aside and listen to David.
“I saw you together, Joel. I saw how he looked at you. There is no doubt that he’s in love with you. What he did was bad, but not unforgivable. After all, we all do things we regret when we’re scared.”
He hugged me tightly before he looked me in the eyes as if to check I really did listen to what he’d said.
“I will talk to him, Dr. Cupid.”
“That’s nurse Cupid if you please. Call me soon. I’ll be at yours trying not to kill your plants.”
And with that, he left to go back to New York.
The truth is that what Max had said wasn’t too far from what I’d already been thinking. That didn’t mean I wasn’t still hurting, but I was starting to think about the situation differently.
Maybe Max was right, and David did love me. There would be no future for us that way, but we could still be friends. I couldn’t expect him to be open about his sexuality if he wasn’t ready for it or didn’t want to, but we could be friends.
It was with that mantra in my mind that I decided I would go straight to David’s apartment from the airport. There was no reason to delay the conversation, and I missed him so much.
I knocked on David’s door and waited. No answer. Daylight coming from under the door told me he had to be home because when he wasn’t, he would pull the shutters down to keep the apartment cool. After a minute and another knock, I realized that maybe he wasn’t home after all, so I decided to come back later.
As I was coming down the stairs to the front entrance of the building, I saw David coming out of my building. He was carrying something under his arm and looking down at the ground as he walked across the street, almost like he didn’t want to engage with the rest of the world.
He stopped, frozen in place when he opened the door of his building and saw me standing by the bottom step.
“Joel,” he said. “Um... hi.”
From this distance, I could see how tired he looked. He’d lost some weight, his eyes had dark circles under them, and there was no shine to them, no life.
“Hi, David, I came to your apartment hoping we could talk, but you weren’t there.”
He choked out a laugh. “I went to your apartment, and you weren’t there, either.”
“Looks like neither of us is where we are supposed to be.”
A fraction of a smile appeared on his lips, and it made a world of difference to his face.
“Would you like to come upstairs?” he asked. “I know I haven’t got the right to ask you for anything, but I’d like to tell you something.”
“Yeah, sure.”
I followed him up the stairs. The way he was holding himself was so tense. I really wanted to reach out and pull him into my arms, but I had to hear him out first. I couldn’t afford to give myself so readily this time around, even if it was just my friendship.
“Take a seat.” He pointed to the sofa. “Would you like a drink?”
“A glass of water, thanks. What happened to the love seat?” I asked as he walked to the kitchen area.
“It’s in my old room.” He came back with two glasses of water and put them on the coffee table. “I’ve...um, been staying there a lot.”
I looked at him, so vulnerable. It broke my heart, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I was hurt, and I—”
“No,” he interrupted but then put his hands on mine and took a deep breath. “Don’t apologize. Please hear me out first.”
“Okay.”
