I was intrigued. I knew we hadn’t finished reading the journal, but I couldn’t imagine what would be in it that was so important.
David opened the journal to the last page and passed it to me.
My heart almost stopped beating when I recognized the handwriting on the page. My mom’s handwriting. Not the one she used for regular stuff, but what she used when she left me messages. There were very subtle differences, but I could tell.
She’d written a message addressed to David. I looked at him, and he gave me a small kiss on the lips and smiled, giving me permission to read.
Dear David,
It may be a long time until you read this, but I know you will. I am leaving the journal somewhere you will find when you are ready.
I know you are hurting a lot at the moment. I am too. We have both lost someone who can never be replaced no matter how many people we meet in our lifetime. Paula was special, and not just because she was your mom and my heart sister.
She was relentless in the way she worked, joked, cared, loved... it’s an endless list.
Before she died, your mom wrote you a letter. Her wish was that you found her letter when you were ready to read it. I don’t know when that will be so I am writing this message, trusting that somehow the journal will find its way into your hands.
Teresa has the letter waiting for you.
David, please know that you are not alone. I love you like you were my own son. It breaks my heart to know you are so far away from us.
I could take you with me to New York. I know you would like it there, and you would have Joel with you, but your aunt and uncle need you here. Please forgive us for making that decision for you. We hope it was the right one.
With love,
Sílvia
So many emotions were going through me, and I couldn’t decipher them all. I just held on to David. There were no tears, just a deep appreciation for the love our moms had for each other. I wanted to know how David felt when he read the message, but I wanted to know something else more.
“Do you have the letter? Your mom’s letter?”
“Aunt Teresa gave it to me earlier.”
He passed me an envelope. I had expected the paper to be yellow with age, maybe a few stains or marks, but it was pristine. Teresa had looked after it like it was a precious treasure. David told me to read the letter.
To my beautiful son,
David, I love you more than I can express in words. I hope that in the short almost fifteen years we’ve had together, I was able to demonstrate just how much with my actions.
From the moment you were born and even before you could make conscious decisions, you behaved like you wanted to make everything perfect for us. You never fussed over anything; you didn’t cry unless it was warranted, and you were the happiest little boy.
I am so sorry I am not going to see you grow up into the amazing man I have no doubt you will be. I don’t know what awaits me on the other side, but trust me when I say that if there’s a way for me to watch over you, I will. Forever and always.
If there is just a small piece of advice I can give you, it is to be brave and trust in love. Follow your heart and everything else will fall into place.
With all my love,
Mom
There was nothing I could say after reading Paula’s letter. My eyes remained on the words she wrote to her fourteen-year-old son. They were the best legacy she could have left him.
“Joel,” David whispered in my ear. I’d ended up leaning with my back against his front.
Maybe I shouldn’t give in to the comfort of being in his arms, but I couldn’t bear not to allow myself this contact. Even if it was just for today while we were making amends.
I shifted so I could face him. His eyes were roaming my face as though he was trying to see all the detail he hadn’t before.
“For a very long time,” he said, “I was afraid to do anything different. I’d lost my mom, and then you hadn’t come back. I didn’t realize it until now, but I wasn’t living because I was afraid that anything I did would make the only good things I had in my life disappear.
