“David, tell me. What was it that brought you two together?”
“The journal.” There was no hesitation. The journal had been my way to have some time with him and get to know him again.
“Then use it as your way back to him.” She took out two envelopes from her handbag and put them in my hands. “Start with the journal.”
I couldn’t believe I was talking to my aunt and uncle about this. Never had I dared to hope to have a relationship with them if I came out. It brought fresh tears to my eyes.
“We’re going now. Please look after yourself, and remember we love you no matter what.” She gave me a kiss and a hug.
“We do, son.” My uncle hugged me, too, and whispered in my ear, “I love you, son. I’m so sorry.”
My aunt and uncle left me sitting on my sofa feeling like my world had just shifted, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Suddenly, I felt like everything that had happened in the last week caught up with me, and the only way for my body to recover was to shut down. I forced myself to have another glass of water before I went to bed.
It was already past ten in the evening when I woke up. I felt more rested than I had in years, even when I’d slept with Joel. Sleeping and waking up with Joel gave me some respite from the weight on my shoulders. It was so easy to focus on him because it meant I didn’t have to face my fears, but now that those fears were gone, there was a different kind of weight pulling me down.
I decided to take my aunt’s advice and look in the journal for guidance. I got up, took a shower, and prepared something to eat before I went to the spare room and sat on the love seat facing Joel’s apartment and opened the journal on my lap.
Joel’s balcony door was still closed.
I just hoped that wasn’t the case for his heart.
