The night of Modesty’s ball, when she’d realized that he didn’t truly care for her as she had believed he did, she had been devastated. She had curled up in her bed and wept until her eyes were swollen and her face sore. She had cried herself to sleep over him.
When she had awoken the next morning, the pain had been gone—but in its place was this new numbness. A fog over her thoughts, preventing her from doing much of anything. She hadbeen sitting here for hours, embroidering handkerchiefs, not even daydreaming. Just sitting.
She heard Levi going about the business of removing his hat and cloak, and a few words exchanged with a member of the staff. Then footsteps started in her direction. And still, she felt nothing at all. She wasn’t eager to see him, but neither was she upset at the prospect of it. He would come in here and likely try to speak to her, and she would listen, but she wouldn’t be affected by him. Not anymore.
The door opened, and Levi walked in. At once, Caroline understood the reason for the slam she had heard. She didn’t know when she had seen him look so angry. The scowl on his face was so dark that she would have sworn the fire flickered in intimidation.
She should have been frightened, but she wasn’t. What could he do? What harm could he do her that he hadn’t already done? He had made her believe that she mattered to him, and that had been a lie. Nothing that came out of his mouth now would hurt her the way that had.
He stormed over to the cabinet, pulled out a bottle of whiskey, and poured himself a drink. He stood there with it for several moments, and Caroline wondered idly whether he was even going to acknowledge her, or if he was just going to finish his drink and then go on his way. At this point, nothing would have surprised her coming from him.
Then he turned toward her.
“It was Charles,” he said.
The tension in his words was so thick that Caroline felt as if she could reach out and take them in her hands. “What was Charles?”
“The person spreading the rumors. It was him.” He sighed heavily. “I didn’t want to believe it, but something my mother said made me think so. I went to speak to him, to see whether he could convince me otherwise, but the way he talked about my reputation made me even more suspicious. It was as though he found the whole thing a joke. So I went to talk to a few more people in the countryside, and that was when someone was able to identify Charles as the person who told them the story in the first place—it was only after I gave a full description of him, once I suspected him, that people started to agree with me and say that was who it had been. I just can’t believe this could be true. I knew he was jealous of me when I was granted this title, but I had no idea he would do something like this. I thought we were close with one another. We were like brothers.”
The whole time he was speaking, Caroline felt the numbness growing.
This was what he had been thinking about all the time he was gone. She hadn’t known she had been holding on to hope that he might be missing her, longing for her, regretting that he wasn’t with her…but now that hope flickered and died. It had never been that way. Not for him.
He had stopped speaking, and now he regarded her as if he had only just realized that she was in the room at all. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Have you heard anything I’ve said? Do you understand that it’s been Charles all along? I finally caught the blighter. I’ll deal with him soon enough, of course, but I did want to come home first so that I could tell you everything.”
“I’m so glad you did.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her tone.
He squinted at her. “You don’t exactly seem as if you’re glad.”
“Well, perhaps that’s because I’ve been on my own for a very long time.”
“You were on your own? I did tell you that you were free to go to that ball if you liked—did you attend?”
“Did I attend the ball?” She rose slowly to her feet. It was funny—an encounter like this should have had her stomach in knots, her heart pounding madly. She had always loathed confrontation more than anything. But she found herself oddly yearning for it. It was as if the part of her that had been pushed aside by him, by his decision to remain in the country, was now surging forward. She had accepted his poor treatment of her, and she was ashamed of that. She would not allow it to continue.
“Yes, did you attend?” Levi seemed a little taken aback. He must have noticed she wasn’t quite herself. But it did not seem to Caroline as though he truly understood the weight of her distress—or of her anger.
“Yes, I went to the ball,” she said quietly.
“Well…good. How was it?”
“Now you want to know how it was?”
“Caroline, why are you being difficult? I asked you how it was, didn’t I? Why would I do that if I didn’t want to know?”
“And yet, if you had any interest in the ball, why wouldn’t you simply attend? Like I asked you to?” She heard her voice become shrill and hated it, but she felt powerless to stop it. “Like you promised me you would? When you left, you swore you’d be back for the ball.”
“I know I did. I wrote to you. I hoped you would understand. When this information came to light, I had to explore it. I had to discover what was true.”
“Oh, you had to? And that couldn’t have waited?”
“Caroline, these rumors are not a good thing. Not for either one of us. Surely you don’t want people to think I’m abusing your trust.”
“What do you imagine they thought when you were absent from the ball?” she shot back. “What do you suppose people said to me about that? I was defending myself all night, and why should I have to? It’syoueveryone thinks is the scoundrel, not me! They think I can’t keep the interest of a husband, and that’s disgraceful, butyouare the one accused of behaving badly. And yet I’m the one who must show my face in society and weather people’s scorn and contempt, because it must bemyfault you are like this!”
