Caroline was unendingly grateful. “It isn’t true, what people say,” she said. “The way our marriage began was unexpected, and I understand why people might have their doubts. But we are happy together. We love one another.”
Should she have said that? Those were not words they had spoken to one another. Maybe he didn’t feel that way. It was the first time she had acknowledged feeling such a thing herself. And yet, all those moments between the two of them… The night they had spent together, the stolen kisses, they all made it impossible to believe there were no feelings between the two of them.
“I’m so glad to hear it,” William said, beaming at her. “Arabella will be thrilled. We both just want to know that you’re happy, Caroline.”
“I am happy,” Caroline said firmly. “I am very content with the way everything has worked out. I feel very fortunate.”
“He is a good man, then?”
“A very good man. He cares for me, he tends to my needs, and he makes me happy.”
“I am still curious, though, as to why he was unable to be here tonight. I’m sure he would have liked to be, to spend time with you. You look very lovely. Any gentleman would be proud to have you on his arm.”
“Thank you,” Caroline said, feeling a surge of gratitude. She hadn’t realized until that moment how lonely she was feeling, and how wonderful it would be to be noticed and appreciated. Modesty’s harsh words had gotten to her, as usual, even though she knew perfectly well that Modesty was only trying to be unkind to get a rise out of her. One day, that would have to stop working.
“You’re very welcome.”
“If I tell you, can you keep a secret?”
“I hope you can trust me, Caroline. I would never betray your confidence.”
Caroline took William’s arm and led him away from the thick of the crowd. She spoke in a low voice. “The truth is that Levi is off in the country, trying to discover the source of the rumors about him. He wishes to put a stop to them. He understands how harmful they are to both of us, and he wants to ensure that such words are not spoken again.”
“A noble endeavor,” William said. “Do you think he will be successful?”
“If I know my husband, he won’t give up until he is.”
“It was generous of you to give him permission to do that instead of attending the ball with you,” William said. “I’m sure he’s very grateful. And I’m sure he would have come back in a heartbeat to be by your side had you asked him to.”
Caroline forced a smile onto her face yet again, but her heart sank.
William had been trying to be kind. She knew that. But he had made a point that she had been trying not to think about. His saying it out loud had brought it to the forefront of her mind.
Levi had promised.
He had promised her that he would be here tonight. When he had gone to the country, he had assured her that he would be back in time for the ball.
When she had received his letter telling her that he would not be coming home on time after all, she had tried her best to be understanding, despite her disappointment. She had told herself that she needed to be supportive of her husband and not think about her own needs. Even then, something had felt unpleasant and wrong. But she had forced that feeling away.
She was no longer capable of ignoring it.
William was quite right. If he had asked her, she might have said yes. But there had been no request. He had simply informed her that he would not be home for the ball. It was the only thing she had asked, and he had refused.
And here she was, telling people that they loved each other. She felt like a fool. How could she have lied to herself like that, allowing herself to believe that he loved her? Of course, he didn’t. If he had loved her, he would have remembered that this was important. He would have cared how she felt about it. He clearly did not.
She had been lying to herself. Modesty had been right to scorn her. What a stupid girl she was!
Suddenly, she found herself wanting nothing more than to leave the party, go home, and sequester herself in her room.
And for the first time, she was desperately grateful that Levi would not be there.
CHAPTER 34
The door to Mowbray Manor flew open with a bang.
Caroline didn’t even look up from her embroidery. She knew this was her husband returning home at last—she’d spied the approach of his carriage through the window. She wouldn’t be rushing to greet him. She couldn’t make herself feel much of anything about his arrival.
She hadn’t felt much of anything for the past three days.
