“What do you mean? That’s not what I wanted all along. I don’t know where you’ve gotten that idea.” He felt dizzy, as if the floor was moving beneath him, and he fell into a chair and gripped its arms to steady himself.
“You must abandon this pretense, Allan,” Seth told him. “You’ve let it continue for far too long. She turned down Lord Kentrow, but do you truly believe that no one else will propose? If you don’t do it, someone will, and eventually she will say yes. She may be the unattainable spinster, but she is also one of the most beautiful ladies in London, the Queen’s diamond only a few years ago. She is still very desired. One day, she’ll realize what she’s been passing up on and say yes to someone.”
“You know that I’m looking for the perfect duchess,” Allan argued.
“Oh, yes. I know all about your impossible quest. Your unreachable standards. You think you can callherunattainable, but what lady will ever live up to the creature who lives in your mind? She doesn’t exist, Allan. No one like her exists or ever will, and you will waste your life chasing perfection.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” Allan defended himself.
“Yes, it is,” Seth countered. “You just can’t see it because it’s all you’ve ever done. It’s the only thing you’ve been able to do since your parents died.”
Allan closed his eyes. “Are we really going to speak of this?”
He didn’t open his eyes for the next several moments, but he heard the telltale sounds of glasses and a bottle being set on a table, followed by the pouring of liquid. “Here,” Seth said. “We are going to speak about it, and we’re going to have a drink.”
Allan sighed, held out his hand, and accepted the glass he was offered. He took a long swallow.
“I know what losing them did to you,” Seth said quietly. “And I know that I wasn’t there for you in the way that I should have been.”
“What are you talking about?” Allan asked. “You’ve always been a good friend to me.”
“I’ve been a good friend when you’ve wanted someone to forget your troubles with. I haven’t helped you to cope with them. I’ve seen the way you’ve thrown yourself into your responsibilities as duke. You feel that you need to find someone perfect to marry because it’s what’s expected of you.”
“It is what’s expected of me.”
“No, it isn’t. You forget that I hold this title too, Allan. I know what we must do. I know the responsibility you bear because I bear it too. You do need to find a wife—agoodwife. You need to ensure your family’s future. But you do not need to find someone flawless. If you spend too much time seeking that, you will find yourself alone. And it will be too late.”
Allan closed his eyes again. “I don’t know what you’re suggesting.”
“I think you do. I think you don’t want to see it, but I know that you have feelings for Lady Edwina.”
“She asked me if I loved her,” Allan admitted.
“And what answer did you give?”
Allan shook his head. “I didn’t answer,” he confessed. “I couldn’t answer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know the answer. I haven’t given it any thought. I wasn’t supposed to have feelings for the unattainable spinster, Seth. She was supposed to help me find my duchess.”
“Perhaps she has done exactly that—but not in the way you expected she would.”
“You can’t seriously think that I ought to pursue a future with her? She’s still the unattainable spinster, Seth. No gentleman has ever been successful.”
“Well, look at what happened tonight. Look at the facts we know to be true. She received a marriage proposal, turned it down, and then immediately asked you whether you loved her. Why did she ask you that? What motive could she have had?”
“She asked me because she had just finished telling me of her plan to leave London,” Allan explained, “and I had asked her not to go.”
“Well, that’s interesting. Why did you askherthat?”
“You’re going to say that I did it because I’m in love with her, aren’t you?”
“I’m not going to say anything at all. I’m asking your opinion. Why don’t you want her to leave London? If it’s not because you love her, why do you want her to stay? I’m sure that’s what she wonders. And who could blame her?”
“I want her to stay because—well—I enjoy her company,” Allan stammered.
“That isn’t enough of a reason. You enjoy the company of plenty of ladies.”
