“Then what? Tell me, Your Grace. Tell me why you want me to stay here, what benefit it will have for you. Tell me why you don’t want me to leave.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Is it because you love me?” she prompted. “You talk as if there’s some powerful connection between us that you don’t want to break, and yet you and I both know that what you truly seek is a duchess—and I willneverbe that perfect duchess. Tell me the truth. Do you love me? Do you feel something more than what you’ve confessed to? It may change my mind.”
She held her breath, knowing that she had been more vulnerable with him than she had ever dreamed of allowing herself to be. To confess that he might have the power to affect her future—that was something she had never wished to admit, not even to herself.
She didn’t know what answer she wanted him to give.
If he said no, at least she could put the whole affair to rest in her mind. She would be able to stop thinking about it once and for all.
If he said yes…
She had no idea what she would do, how she would feel, if that was his answer.
But he said nothing at all.
Edwina didn’t know whether he was refusing to answer or if perhaps he just couldn’t come up with an answer. But either way, it wasn’t good enough. And within herself, she found the determination she’d needed.
“I can’t stay with you,” she said firmly. “And I can’t stay in London. I have to go.”
She rose to her feet and began to walk away.
“Wait,” the Duke said. There was a plea in his voice. “Just wait. Please.”
But she couldn’t. She had put herself through enough. She had waited long enough. It was time to go.
The strength it took to keep from looking back as she walked away from him was more than she had ever needed for anything in her life. Somehow, she managed it—and it wasn’t until she was up in her room with the door firmly locked that she allowed the first of her tears to fall.
CHAPTER 34
So, she was leaving.
She was committing to the life of a spinster—a life he could never be a part of—and she was leaving London. Leaving for good.
Allan struggled to understand his own reaction to the news. He felt as if a hole had opened up inside him, a hole that threatened to suck every part of him down into it. He would never manage to claw his way back to the surface.
But why should he feel that way? After all, things between himself and Lady Edwina had always been temporary, and he had known for some time that she was ready for them to end. He hadn’t learned anything new today. Why did he feel so bereft? It was almost as if he had learned that someone had died.
He dragged his feet on his way up to the library. His only wish was to be alone for a while. The idea of going to back to the partynow curdled in his mouth like sour milk. But when he pushed open the door to the library and stepped inside, he saw that he was not alone after all.
“Allan,” Seth said quietly, “I wondered whether I might see you up here this evening.”
“Did you know?” Allan’s voice came out sounding hoarse, and he felt embarrassed at the fact that he was so clearly betraying his feelings. He didn’t want Seth to see how upset he was, but perhaps there was no hiding it. He felt as if he was about to lose his composure.
“Did I know?” Seth repeated, frowning.
“Lord Kentrow proposed marriage to Lady Edwina tonight. Did you know that was going to happen?”
“I would have told you,” Seth said. “You must know I would have told you if I’d know that.”
Allan shook his head. “I don’t know what you would have done,” he replied. “I don’t know what to think anymore. Not about you, not about her…not about myself. None of this has been a good idea. I should have stayed away from it from the very beginning. It’s entirely my fault that I got too close to her, allowed myself to invest time in her…I should never have done that.”
“Wait a moment,” Seth said, frowning. “Did Lady Edwina accept the proposal?”
“No. She turned him down.”
“Then…forgive me, Allan, but I don’t see what you’re this upset about,” Seth admitted. “She must have said no because she’s truly interested in you. And that’s what you wanted all along.”
