“I told him no.”
The tension seemed to bleed out of the Duke’s body. He slumped slightly where he sat. Edwina didn’t know what to think. Washe disappointed in what she had said? Did he wish she had accepted the proposal?
Why in theworlddid he care?
Unless…unless Matthew was wrong? Unlessshehad been wrong. Was it possible that the Dukedidhave feelings for her?
She felt nearly choked by the possibility. It was too much even to consider it. She didn’t want to think about it for fear of getting her hopes up—and it was only in that moment of rising hope that she realized just how much shewantedhim to feel something.
Because she felt something, too.
Because in spite of all her efforts to remain strong, she had been charmed by him. He had won her over. And if he didn’t mean to take her seriously, she would be heartbroken in spite of the fact that she had sworn to herself that she would never allow any man to break her heart.
“You told him no?” the Duke asked, his voice so tense that he barely sounded like himself at all.
“I’ve decided to go and live in the country,” she told him.
He was quiet for a moment. “What?”
“My family has a country estate. I’m going to go and live there.”
“You’re leaving London, then?”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“It’s not the place for me,” she said. “I’m unmarried. I’m a spinster. It’s who I am. As long as I remain here, people will try to force me into arrangements. People will try to find marriages for me or to propose to me themselves. I can’t take any more of it. I’m done. If I am to be on my own, I ought to be able to make my own choices. I ought to be free to live my life for myself. A spinster may have a bad reputation, but she has her freedom, and when I am on my own in the country, I will be living the life I want to live. It’s the best choice for me.”
“Then you and I won’t see one another again,” the Duke said quietly.
“That’s what I want.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He was being so direct today. She could hardly stand it. She had grown accustomed to his games, to the way every statement he made seemed to give rise to three more questions so that she could never seem to figure anything out when she spoke to him. She hadn’t thought she liked that—she had thought it annoyed her. Now, though, she found that she missed it. It was difficult tocope with him when he was like this. His words felt as sharp as knives, and she didn’t know what to do to deflect them.
“You have to believe me,” she said.
“I don’t,” he countered. “Not when I don’t think you’re telling the truth, Lady Edwina. I think you care for me. I think you want me around. I think it drives you mad how much you want me around, and that’s why you want to go.”
“And why shouldn’t I?” She whirled around to face him directly, tired of the games. “If everything you’re saying is the truth, why shouldn’t I want to go? Anyone would be tired of this, Your Grace. Anyone would want to see the last of you. You can’t be shocked that I feel the way I do. I’m surprised you didn’t see it coming sooner. I never wish to see you again because it makes me miserable.”
She felt his hand on top of hers.
She ought to pull away from him—she knew that—but his touch seemed to reach to every part of her. It was a balm to the ache in her soul, and she didn’t want to draw away. She wanted to be closer. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, even though she knew that to want such a thing was madness.
This was the reason she had to go. She had to get away from these feelings. She couldn’t keep feeling this way. It was causing her to descend into the worst version of herself, and she was losing all her strength. She hadneverbeen vulnerable to men. She couldn’t lose that now.
“You can’t leave me,” he said.
“I can. You underestimate me.”And thank heavens for that.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he amended. “I want you to stay. I want you here.”
“You want me here because you want to win. Because this is a game to you, and if I go to the country, you’ll have to face the fact that you’ve lost.”
“That isn’t it,” he insisted.
