“It just makes me wonder what could have happened withthisgentleman to make you so anxious to push him away,” Lavinia observed. “I would have assumed that you would simply allow him to take you out on the five dates that were arranged and that you would be rid of him when it was over. It does seem the more sensible course of action, and you have never been anything if not perfectly sensible. Why were you so determined to be rid of him more quickly? Could it not wait?”
“I tired of his company,” Edwina said.
“Nothing more?”
“What’s the matter? You sound as if you don’t believe what I’m saying.”
“I don’t mean to accuse you of concealing the truth, Edwina, but I do wonder whether you’re being completely honest with yourself,” Lavinia confessed. “I think perhaps you find it easier to push the Duke away than to confront your feelings about him.”
“I haven’t got feelings about him. What could possibly make you say such a thing?”
“I say it because I know you well, that’s all,” Lavinia said. “I’ve seen you through interactions with many gentlemen. I know how you respond to them. I would have said it was impossiblefor you to surprise me—but I’ve never seen you act with anyone the way you have since the Duke came into your life.”
“How have I acted?”
“Preoccupied. It truly seems as if he takes up a great deal of your thoughts.”
Edwina felt deeply frustrated. Her sister was quite right, of course, but she thought she had done a better job of concealing it. She thought of denying it even now, but what was the use? Lavinia had always seen her more clearly than anybody else—it was why they had been so close in childhood, though it certainly was an annoyance today.
“Very well,” she said. “You’re right, I suppose. I have spent more than my share of time thinking about him, little though I would like to admit it.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Edwina. He’s a very handsome gentleman.”
“Yes, he is.” Edwina seized upon the excuse gratefully. “Truly wonderful to look upon though I wish I was strong enough not to have noticed it.”
“But of course, you noticed,” Lavinia said. “You think yourself unattainable, Edwina, and perhaps that’s even true, but you are still a lady, and you’re far from invulnerable to a good-looking gentleman! Anyone would be taken by him. I’m sure I would beif I wasn’t already married. There’s no shame in it. And if you found yourself thinking about him a bit more than you would ordinarily have thought of a gentleman who sought your favor, well, that’s only to be expected, for he’s one of the best looking of the lot of them. I don’t know that you’d find a more handsome gentleman in all of London—with the exception of Seth, of course.” She beamed happily at the thought of her own husband.
Edwina had to smile, too. “In spite of how much I despise all this, it is good to see you happy,” she told her sister.
“I only want the same for you. The same happiness. You know that, don’t you?”
“Of course, I know. But it isn’t to be found with the Duke of Harbeck. He may be handsome, but he has nothing else to recommend him. Trust me, calling a halt to our arrangement when I did was the right choice. I have no regrets about it.”
“I wonder how you will feel to see him at the party?”
“Is he already here?”
“I hadn’t seen him yet when I snuck up to your room, but I know that he does plan on attending.”
“Well, I’m sure it’s not going to be any sort of problem,” Edwina said. “Your home is large, so we should easily be able to avoid one another. I don’t believe he wishes to see me any more than I wish to see him.”
Lavinia frowned. “Edwina…did something happen between the two of you?”
“What do you mean?” Edwina’s heart beat faster at the thought of her sister discovering her secret. “What could have happened?”
If someone were to find out, Lavinia would certainly be the best possible person. She would not approve, but she wouldn’t be too condemning about it. After all, in the early days of her knowing her husband, the two of them had repeatedly snuck off to engage in a series of midnight rendezvous. There had been nothing particularly scandalous about those meetings—as far as Edwina was aware at any rate. They had been lessons in dancing and how to comport oneself in society. Still, everyone knew what people would say if they heard of a young lady sneaking out to meet a gentleman in the middle of the night.
So Lavinia was unlikely to be too judgmental about the kiss. Edwina’s greater fear was that she would err too far in the other direction—that she would suggest it had been a good idea, something to be sought again. That was an idea Edwina didn’t think she could bear.
No, even though Lavinia was unlikely to judge her actions, Edwina couldn’t let her sister know what had happened.
“I don’t know what I mean,” Lavinia admitted. “All I know is that it seems to me as if you’re struggling with your thoughts about the Duke. I’ve seen you turn down dozens of men in our lives together, but I’ve never seen you appear to mind it at all.I’ve never seen you act as though they’re still on your mind after you let go of them. I would have thought you would arrive here today, perhaps make some comment about the Duke’s foolishness, and then turn your attention to other things—but instead, you seem to have nothing but time to think about him. I suspect you retired to your room so that you wouldn’t have to face him.”
“Lavinia, you give him far too much credit. I promise you, I am not thinking about the Duke anywhere near as much as you seem to believe I am.”
“Perhaps not,” Lavinia agreed. “I’m sorry if I have it wrong. I just know you’re the type of lady who would never say something if you did feel something for somebody, and I want you to know—if it’s happened now, or if it ever does, you can talk to me. I know what it’s like to be taken by surprise by your own heart. I wouldn’t judge you or think less of you. I wouldn’t try to force you into a marriage against your will, either—I know I’ve encouraged you to marry with such ardor that you must be tired of my voice. But you must know that all I really want is to see you happy, Edwina. If you’ve found yourself feeling something for the Duke, and yet you know he wouldn’t make you happy, you can confide in me, and I’ll simply listen.”
It was the perfect offer, and for a moment, Edwina ached to do just that—pour her heart out to her sister and seek reassurance that these little twinges of longing for the Duke didn’t mean anything and were nothing to be worried about.
