He frowned. He didn’t like to be seen as weak.
“I dare say she would’ve been satisfied with whatever part of yourself you offered up to her as long as she was certain she had you,” he said.
He sighed, looking around the large, dimly lit room. It as a terrible idea to seek solace in the library, which was what he was doing, although he wished it were not. Surrounding himself with books was in no way the best place to avoid her since all it did was remind him of her.
“I wouldn’t be so cruel as to offer her only a part of me whilst knowing she could never have the whole man. She deserves more than I can willingly give.”
“Hence, the reason we hide away like children from a scary governess.” Matthew’s droll voice held his disappointment. Benedict could sense it without having to look up and study his expression.
“I’m not in hiding,” he said, rather offended by how much that hit the mark. He ignored Matthew’s raised eyebrows that showed his disbelief.
The door to the library swung open as Letitia’s head poked in, her eyes roaming around until it settled on them. She walked in, leaving the door open and allowing more light into his hiding spot.
“Lord Baker, Lady Nancy has arrived and I believe she is currently scouring the room for you,” she announced, her eyes fixed only on Benedict.
Matthew lit up, the melancholic mood disappearing as he set down his glass. Unlike Benedict, he’d only had one glass.
“It pains me to leave you, Benedict, but I cannot leave the lady feeling confused as to my whereabouts,” he said, adjusting the lapels of his jacket. “If you will excuse me, Lady Letitia.”
With a slight bow of his head, the earl walked away leaving Letitia in the room with Benedict.
So much for brooding with me.
Benedict chuckled, shutting his eyes as he stretched out a leg and rested his head on the chair. He breathed in deeply and exhaled, stabilizing himself.
“I would’ve thought you would go out there with him. Don’t you wish to speak with Lady Augusta?”
His eyes popped open and he looked around in shock until they settled on her. He assumed that he was alone, with only his thoughts to keep him company.
“Why are you still here, Letitia? shouldn’t you be out there socializing? It’s your season after all,” he asked, sliding his led backwards as he regarded her.
Her face contorted into one of confusion as she closed the distance between them, taking the seat beside him.
“I know you would rather be alone than talk about whatever it is that bothers you,” she started. “But is anything the matter? You know you can talk to me.”
Benedict groaned low in his throat, tipping the contents of the glass into his mouth. His lips pursed as the strong drink hit the back of his throat. He didn’t want to talk about it, especially not with his sister, but he’d known her long enough to know that she was like a dog with a bone when she felt there was something the matter with him.
“Go back to the dinner, Leti. I’ll be all right. You need not worry about me.”
“I suppose it’ll be an easy end to the argument, were I to say that the only reason you are here is because you wish to avoid Lady Augusta. You’ve been different for the past couple of days. Mother and I assumed that something had gone wrong but we hoped you’d tell us yourself when you were ready.”
Benedict poured himself another glass from the bottle and frowned when she mentioned Augusta. “Leave me be, Letitia. I don’t wish to speak of any of this.”
She’s better off without me. Perhaps, now that she’s changed her views on love and marriage, she might allow herself to be courted once she was done being angry with him.
His eyes turned dark. His stomach burned, with alcohol or jealousy towards this man who would get to be with her. He couldn’t tell the difference between either. He sighed dropping his head onto his one free hand as memories of her saddened and disappointed expression hit him once again.
He’d been trying to drown himself in alcohol, to a reasonable amount where he didn’t embarrass his family with his drunkenness but also didn’t have to think about her anymore.
Is that even a possibility?
“I knew it.” Letitia clapped her hands loudly, the sound reminding him that she was still in the room.
“I don’t know what has gone on with you and the lady since you’ve refused to part with the information, and Matthew doesn’t-”
His eyes snapped in her direction at the mention of Matthew’s name and she rolled her eyes at him. “Do calm yourself, brother. You have nothing to fear. Your friend refused to part with it, although I cannot understand why you have both chosen to be so secretive about this. I could help, you know.”
Benedict nodded, letting his head fall. It was times like this where he wished he was given a more docile sister, although he truly wouldn’t change anything about the one he’d been given.
