“I know you could be of help, Leti. I simply don’t wish to speak about it just yet,” he said calmly.
“There is one thing I should tell you before I leave, Benedict.”
He looked up, curious.
“In the weeks since you’ve known Lady Augusta, Mother and I have been happy and hopeful. It’s been the happiest we’ve ever seen you. You were never that way with Juliet. With her, it seemed you wished to be elsewhere but with Lady Augusta, we see how excited you get whenever you were to meet with her. I don’t wish to tell you what to do or how to go about doing it, however, I need you to remember this. She’s brought more light into your life than anyone else has been able to manage in these past months.”
“Thank you for your observation, Letitia,” he said, his jaw ticking wildly. “You should return to Mother. I’m sure she must be wondering where you are by now.”
Why couldn’t she just leave him alone to feel sorry for himself? The last thing he wanted was to speak of her. He’d betrayed her trust and let her go on thinking he cared nothing for her. She would never trust him now. Not that he needed her to, anyway. She wanted more than he could ever give and he would not have her settle for less. She was too good a woman to be left with crumbs.
“Will you stop trying to push my help away, Benedict?” she asked angrily, standing up from her seat. Her face had gone red, the color visible even in the dimly lit room now that his eyes had adjusted perfectly to it.
“You need to speak with her and ask for her forgiveness for whatever you must have done wrong. I’m certain she’ll take you back if you would simply speak your truth to her. Don’t be so quick to let her ago, else you might find that you’ll regret it terribly.”
Benedict’s rage he’d been holding back for days boiled over. “You would find, dear sister, that I would be happy enough to see my sister wed in a secure match than I would be married off myself. I am in no need of a bride for myself so you need not worry about me.”
Benedict was angry, however his rage was directed more towards himself and the truth in her words than the fact that she’d said it and simply refused to leave him alone. He’d convinced himself that he would be fine without her and she could do much better for herself than him.
But what if I was wrong?
Letitia’s prodding had caused him to question his own resolve on the matter and now, he could no longer convince himself the way that he had earlier that this was indeed the right decision he’d made.
Letitia scoffed in an unladylike manner and folded her hands in front of her chest. “I know you find it difficult to trust anyone and would much rather toss away every good thing that happened to you to prevent the hurt you already expect to happen but you are my brother and I love you. I cannot sit by and watch as you let your fear take over while you use such silly excuses to avoid the happiness that has been handed to you.”
She walked up to him, crouching until she was eye level and forcefully took his hands in hers. “I’m angry with you that you believe that my brother doesn’t deserve happiness. There’s no one else who deserves it more than you do.”
Benedict swallowed. Her eyes held her honesty as she spoke. His gaze faltered. He couldn’t stand to look into hers for much longer. She gripped his hands tighter, drawing them back to hers.
“If you wish to have nothing to do with her, I cannot force you to change your mind. However, if you could do me just one favor?”
He nodded as he waited with bated breath for her to speak.
“Could you at least face Augusta so you can join us for dinner? I do not want you to have to hide away anytime you see her.”
Benedict looked away. She was right, of course. He couldn’t hide forever, no matter how he wished it was possible.
He nodded once again. “I will join you… once I finish my drink.”
Her lips pulled upward in a smile and she got up to her feet. “I’ll be waiting for you then.”
Benedict brought the glass to his lips. He hadn’t achieved his mission of getting buzzed enough that he wouldn’t be so affected by her but at least he could get all the liquid courage he needed to keep him afloat and stop him from staring at her all night like a lost puppy.
CHAPTER24
Ican hardly get any more prepared than this, Benedict thought, puffing air through his lips. For ten minutes, he’d been pacing back and forth in the study, torn between staying hidden and confronting Augusta.
He didn’t think he could face her, not after their last meeting together. She called him a rake, the bottom of the barrel of polite society. He couldn’t blame her. She’d poured her heart out to him and told him she loved him. In return, he’d gaped at her like a fish.
His talk with Letitia had swayed him some, enough for him to even consider stepping out of the safety and comfort of the library, but now that he was alone, he doubted he could go through with it.
If anything, Benedict was certain that he loved Augusta. But every time he tried to imagine a life with her, he remembered how broken he’d been when Juliet had left him.
If he gave Augusta a chance and she walked out on him just as Juliet had done, it would break him even worse than Juliet's betrayal had done, and he didn’t think he had the ability to survive something as devastating as that.
Sadly, it seemed he had nothing to worry about anymore. Augusta was certainly done with him now, and instead of showing her how different the men of the ton were, as he had set out to do from the start, all he’d managed to do was prove to her that they were all the same.
Letitia was right, though. He really did feel happier than he’d ever felt before when he was with Augusta, so happy that he got afraid. Now, he had to deal with the repercussions of his cowardice.
