‘What did I do?’ I didn’t know where I’d gone wrong, but I needed information before I could make it right.
Louisa huffed. ‘What you did was use one of my closest friends for sexual exploration. News flash, straight boy; queer people have feelings too. Sex isn’t meaningless to us.’
I blinked under her battering accusations. The least important but the one that stuck was her calling me straight. I didn’t really know what I was but since the only person I’d ever developed feelings for was a man, that didn’t apply.
Louisa didn’t give me the chance to unpack anything else she’d said. ‘It’s not enough that you used Kit to let off excess energy or whatever. You left him. Didn’t even have the decency to talk to him before you ran off this morning. How do you think that made him feel, huh?’ She growled. ‘You worthless shit.’
I wrapped my arms around myself. The only other times I’d been so roundly misunderstood and insulted were during brief phone calls with my dad. At least none of his blows landed like Louisa’s. He didn’t know me well enough to hurt me more than skin deep.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered, but it wasn’t Louisa I needed to apologise to. More than anything else, it had been monumentally stupid to believe that leaving without a word this morning wouldn’t affect Kit. I thought I was saving him fromdealing with me, but he didn’t know that. All he knew was that we’d been super close, then I was gone.
‘I’ll make it right,’ I promised.
‘Yeah, you fucking well will.’ Some of the steam spilled out of Louisa when I didn’t fight back. Her shoulders dropped and her mouth closed to form a flat line. ‘I’ve talked to Kit about it. We agreed it would be best for you to move out. Bonnie and Joshua have a spare room. You can stay there for a while, at least until Cob returns.’
I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut. I didn’t want to leave Kit’s cosy cottage and live anywhere else. Not because of the amount of blankets and perfectly cheesy homecooked meals, but because I wanted my home to be Kit’s as well. I never wanted to leave him. That wasn’t what I’d meant to do this morning, despite how it looked.
Louisa sneered down her nose at me. ‘I don’t want to spend time with you, but we need to go to lunch. Despite what you’ve done, we’re still pack.’
She turned on one heel, which was somehow devoid of grass and mud, and walked down the hill towards the winding road that led from the mountains.
I stood still, letting her get a head start and reeling with the impact of what she’d said.
I’d been so unhappy when I arrived at the loch. Aster had taken my misery away, only for a heap more sadness to land on me.
I’d never meant to hurt Kit. It ached in my chest like a broken rib that I had.
If leaving his cottage was what he needed me to do, then I’d do it, but I hoped he would hear me out first. Hopefully, he would understand that I’d done a thoughtless thing, but I never would again if I could help it.
Louisa’s hair bobbed in the distance. I trailed after her down the mountains. This lunch was apparently inescapable, but some time before or after or during I’d make it clear to Kit that he meant far more to me than what could be expressed in one night.
I meant what I’d said; he was it for me. I wanted to prove that over my whole life.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
KIT
Icould practically feel Bonnie seething down the pack bond as I tugged my back door shut and hurried along the path towards her and Joshua’s cottage at the end of the row. I’d resisted her summons to lunch for as long as possible, having a steaming hot shower and choosing my outfit with care. I’d decided on an oversized pink and grey striped jumper with my most worn pair of light blue jeans. A purple scarf with a pattern of daisies was tucked close around my neck. Comfort clothes, through and through.
By the time I’d checked my face in my bedroom mirror, all evidence of a morning spent crying was gone. I was never more glad of my werewolf healing abilities that meant I would never wear my history on my skin. I might have wished to keep my infancy scar, but the recent past was something I wanted to erase.
Despite tugging lethargy, I rushed along the backs of the cottages. My chest ached, but I was far more determined to get over this, to get over Lucas, than I had been when Louisa left. I wouldn’t allow what he’d done to turn me into a husk.
I wasn’t going to let anyone toy with me again. Lucas was the final time. If he didn’t want me for more than a night, then no one would.
I would find a way to be happy with being alone. I had a wonderful shop, a cat that tolerated me, and brilliant friends. I’d had a whole life before Lucas arrived on the island that I would re-settle into. I’d wanted a friend when he’d arrived. I would content myself with only having that with him.
One day, I’d stop wishing for anything else. The memory of his meaningless words would fade. I would become immune to his earthy scent and kind eyes.
I rounded Joshua and Bonnie’s cottage just as Louisa barrelled down the road from the mountains. She gathered me into a half hug and tugged me around the side of the cottage towards the front door.
‘I went to the loch and talked to Lucas for you,’ she hissed. ‘But he’s right behind me so if you don’t want to face him before you have the buffer of the rest of the pack, we need to hustle.’
I dug in the heels of my boots to force her to stop at Bonnie and Joshua’s gate. ‘What did you say to him?’
I wasn’t mad. More apprehensive. Louisa was fiercely protective of those she loved. She’d once screamed at a middle-aged woman because she’d dared to question the frequency of Errol’s ferry crossings. I wasn’t entirely sure how Louisa’s rage would work itself out on someone who wasn’t a stranger and who’d hurt me far more deeply.
‘I explained to him what he’d done.’ She huffed. ‘He didn’t realise what a dick he’d been. Then I told him it would be for the best if he moved out.’
