‘Oh, yeah.’ Aster shook off his disgruntlement that I’d never even remotely wanted to kiss him. A smile swept across his face. ‘Thirdly; not one thing you’ve told me about what you feel about Kit or want to do with him sounds abnormal.’
My jaw dropped, while my eyebrows pulled together. ‘Did you not hear what I said? I want to spend every waking and sleeping minute with him. I’d have sex with him several times every day for the rest of my life if I could. I want him around always.’ I shook my head. ‘How can that be normal?’
‘Sometimes I worry that my greatness is wasted on the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with.’ Aster sighed. ‘Do you even listen when I tell you about mine and Callum’s glorious sexual adventures?’
‘I try not to,’ I grumbled. Now was the time for fixing whatever was wrong that made me want Kit far more than was normal, not for telling Aster for the hundredth time that I would rather not hear about his orgasms.
‘Well, you should.’ He pouted. ‘Despite your blatant disrespect, I still want to help you so make sure you’re listening this time.’ He held up one hand and counted on his fingers. ‘Callum and I exchanged blow jobs when he got home from wandering the mountains last night. Then I ploughed him like a field of Maris Pipers when we went to bed. Then we woke up in the night and sixty-nined, which was a transcendent experience that Iwilltell you about in more detail later and youwilllisten to every word I say. Then, this morning, Callum ploughed me like a field of King Edwards.’ Aster blew out a breath. ‘And, honestly, even after all that, if Callum had suggested staying home today to hump like bunnies, I would have been fully on board.’
‘Wow.’ I’d apparently spent too much time cringing and waiting for it to be over while Aster talked about his sex life. I hadn’t comprehended the amount of time he and Callum dedicated to doing it.
‘Wow indeed, my friend.’ Aster nodded like what he’d said was wise rather than impressive in a much more carnal way. ‘And I don’t just want Callum around when we’re having sex. I can’t tell you every thought in my head because my mouth simply cannot work fast enough, but I have had several vivid daydreams about Louisa’s grandma knitting a pouch so that Callum could carry me around the mountains and feed me treats.’
‘Really?’ I wasn’t sure about being carried by Kit, but I wanted to stick to him like glue. ‘You really want that?’
‘That, and so much more.’ Aster’s hands settled back on my knees. ‘Being attracted to someone feels over the top at times, like the stuff your brain comes up with can’t be right, but it’s just a way of expressing how much you like them. Like, I’m fairly sure I’d get bored in about five minutes being carried around by Callum if he was actually working and wasn’t feeding me, but that doesn’t stop a bit of my brain from wanting it.’ Hesqueezed my knees. ‘Nothing you’ve said is weird or wrong. It may feel intense because you’ve not felt this way before, but it’s not outside the wide spectrum of things people want when they really really like someone.’
A reason I was deeply grateful for being a wolf was the sure knowledge that Aster’s heartbeat had stayed steady as he spoke. He wouldn’t lie to me anyway, but I needed more than reassurance that I wasn’t being too much. I needed to know that what I was feeling was okay.
Relief, pure and cleansing, washed over me. I hadn’t done or thought anything that would scare Kit off. I hadn’t ruined anything.
I flopped backwards, smiling up at the blue sky. ‘I’m not weird.’
‘I wouldn’t go that far.’ Aster hurled himself onto the ground beside me, propped up on his elbows so he could peer down at me. ‘Being weird is wonderful. We revel in being weirdos. But yeah, everything you’re feeling for Kit is bog standard attraction.’
My cheeks hurt with the change from flat sadness to beaming. The happiness inside of me felt brighter than the sun. Certainly warmer. Even on a clear September day, the wind whipping across the loch was chill.
Aster nudged me with his shoulder. ‘So. You like Kit, then?’ He wiggled his eyebrows.
I couldn’t lower the smile on my face even a millimetre so grinned at him like a loon. ‘I like him so much.’
‘Hey. Losers.’ A shout cut across the cool autumn air before I could launch into a speech about everything that was wonderful about Kit. It would have been long. ‘Bonnie is going to go on a rampage if you cause even one of Joshua’s roast potatoes to burn.’
Aster and I sat up. Louisa had shouted loud enough for him to hear. She glared at us from the top of a hill, her hands on her curving hips.
Aster scrambled to standing. ‘Can’t let a potato burn.’ He held out his hand to help me up, then twined our fingers together as we hurried towards Louisa.
Her glare was even more cutting up close. ‘I know you two are joined at the hip or whatever, but I need to talk to Lucas.’ She pointed one long nail, painted a swirling mix of greens and blues, at Aster. ‘Scram.’
‘You look like a goddess.’ Aster ditched my hand and skipped towards the road, just visible in the distance. ‘I was meant to be checking on a patch of clover before lunch,’ he said to himself. ‘But besties before Fabaceae.’
My smile faded under the force of Louisa’s glare as we waited for Aster to amble out of earshot. I hadn’t spent a great deal of time with her, only at group dinners or occasionally in Kit’s shop. She was intimidatingly put together. I was scared I’d grub up her perfect outfits with my constantly fur-covered ones, but Kit seemed to like her and that had to mean she couldn’t be too terrifying.
‘I like your jumpsuit,’ I said at the same time she growled, ‘You need to stay the fuck away from Kit.’
This wasn’t like the game Aster and I played. All the joy I’d been revelling in shrivelled up and died.
‘What?’ I gasped, my insides plummeting like I was on a rollercoaster that had run out of track.
‘Stay. Away. From. Kit.’ Each word was a snarl. Louisa threw her hair over her shoulder, the orange strands flashing in the sun. ‘He doesn’t deserve to be hurt.’
I scrambled to understand without aggravating her, but that didn’t seem like an option. I’d been so sure, after Aster reassured me I wasn’t a clingy freak, that I’d run back down the mountainsand into Kit’s welcoming arms. Not that one of his friends would come up here to warn me away.
‘I don’t understand,’ I admitted, despite how pleading innocence might incur her wrath. ‘What’s happened?’
Louisa’s bright red lips curled over her teeth, her canines way sharper than they should have been. ‘What happened is that you screwed him over.’
I blinked. That didn’t feel like what had happened. I’d only been scared that I would be too much for Kit, not that I’d done anything that had hurt him.
