I didn’t bother lifting my head from the cool grass. I needed to observe the seals to check the pups were feeding and the mothers were healthy, but I could tell all was well after a minute of scanning the heavily populated beach. I was still on this clifftop hours later because the thought of going home made my skin feel itchy and tight.
Normally, I’d chat to Aster if anything had me this twisted up, but I didn’t know how I’d explain this to him. I didn’t know if the weird feelings that kept annoying me when I was hanging out with Kit were linked to what happened this morning. Plus, it felt hypocritical to moan about Aster over sharing his sexual exploits if I then turned around and did the same.
I took a deep breath and lifted my head. Everything was fine. I didn’t need to talk to Aster. I’d wanked this morning and Kit had happened to pop into my head. That didn’t mean anything. Somehow I’d get over the strange sensations that rippled through me in his presence.
None of it meant anything. I’d listened to a thousand monologues from Aster when he fancied someone. What I was experiencing felt nothing like that. I was excited to see Kit, but that was because he was fast becoming one of my favourite people. I thought he was brilliant and thoughtful and lovely, but in a friendly way.
I was fairly sure a key component of being attracted to someone, according to Aster and the books I’d read, was wanting to bone them. I did not want to have sex with Kit. The thought of getting naked with him caused another odd swoop in my stomach.
I didn’t even want to kiss him. No matter how soft Kit’s lips were, there had to be something else to the contact to make a kiss special. An extra spark that always seemed to be lacking for me. I wasn’t about to kiss Kit and potentially ruin our friendshipjust for another experience that could join all my other failed attempts at romance.
I lifted my binoculars and refocused on the here and now. I didn’t need to think about anything but seals and goats and the fresh sea breeze.
There was nothing sexual or romantic between me and Kit, and there never would be. That part of me, no matter how much I wished it was different, didn’t work. What had happened this morning meant nothing.
Kit was my friend, and I was perfectly happy with that.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
KIT
Iwoke to the sound of the shower running. I threw on a jumper and the scarf I’d worn yesterday over my pyjamas. While Lucas dressed in his room, I hurried into the bathroom and brushed my teeth.
I hadn’t set an alarm, felt like that was too needy, but I wondered if I’d somehow programmed my enhanced senses to alert me when Lucas was up and about. I’d barely seen him yesterday. He’d come home late in the evening after a day of seal watching, eaten his dinner, hugged me tight, then rushed off to bed. I didn’t want to commit too hard to the role of a neglected housewife, but I wanted more than a few moments of contact with him today.
Running my tongue over my minty teeth, I walked downstairs. Lucas was slotting a hunk of bread and an orange into his dog patterned Tupperware. He froze when he turned and spotted me.
‘Morning.’ I resolutely ignored both his wide-eyed gaze – the kind of look I associated with people who didn’t expect to get caught nicking a book from the shop – and the warm wave of want that washed over me. ‘Where are you off to today?’
Lucas unfroze to shove his lunchbox into his backpack. ‘I’m spending the day at the farm. Oscar has a few animals he’s concerned about.’
I nodded absently as I walked closer. It felt like moving through the wood scented air of a sauna. I didn’t know specifically what was doing it for Lucas this morning, whether my sleep-mused hair or crumpled pyjama bottoms really got him going, but his desire pulsed anew with each step I took.
‘When do you think you’ll be home?’
I purposefully kept any emotion from my voice, but apparently Lucas knew me well enough to see through that. His eyebrows pinched together. He rested his backpack on the dining table and pulled me into a tight hug.
‘Yesterday was a one off,’ he murmured into my hair, arms firm around my waist. ‘I should be back early enough today to visit you at the shop.’
I smiled, my arms looped around his neck. Lucas wasn’t the sun, but I basked in the warmth radiating from him. He liked me and saw me and wanted me. The unerring desire in his scent loosened something inside my chest that had been coiled tight for too long.
I’d been leaving Lucas to figure out his attraction alone. I didn’t want to push him before he was ready, didn’t want to frighten him by forcing him to confront desires that were too fresh and new.
But before his attraction had coiled around me for brief moments, whereas for days now I’d been spending hours with it winding through the few spaces between us. Every time he stepped into the shop, his heart rate kicked up. His scent grew heated whenever I caught his eye and smiled.
It was impossible to ignore. His want permeated every moment we spent together.
Surely he’d had enough time to think about it alone. He was so considerate and unsure. Maybe he was waiting for me to make the first move.
Carefully, I took half a step back. I left my hands cupped at his nape, my arms trailing across his shoulders. I had to suppress a shiver when his hands moved from my back to my hips. The pulse of desire from him was stronger than ever as his thumbs pressed into my sides.
Lucas looked at me with wide eyes, his brown irises almost black. His damp hair fell in tangles around his ears and across his forehead. His skin was a deep toffee colour, hours spent helping the animals across the island as the sun beat down deepening the tan he’d arrived with a month ago.
I took one last breath, assuring myself that all I could scent was want and need and a hint of nerves, before asking, ‘Lucas, can I kiss you?’
It was like a car crash.
One moment, everything between us was soft and light. The next it was cold and sharp.
