I had to stop myself recoiling. Scents that had filled the room since I’d entered battled with this new cacophony.
Lucas’s eyes remained wide, but not with what could be confused desire.
Shock. Horror. Dread. His scent battered me, zinging with panic.
I’d never smelt anything like this on him before. His gaze strayed to my mouth, but there was no flash of want. All that emanated from him was curdling sadness and fear.
I stepped back, forcing his hands off me. ‘You want to say no, right?’
Lucas cringed, like even confirming he didn’t want to go along with a request hurt him. Well, tough. It would hurt me way more if he kissed me when he didn’t want to.
‘I’m sorry, Kit.’
Lucas raised his arms, but I stepped out of reach. For the first time since he’d arrived on the island, I didn’t want him close. Not because he didn’t want to kiss me, as humiliating as that was. More that I didn’t know what he would have done if I hadn’t stepped back. The thought that he would have kissed me when he didn’t want to made my chest ache.
‘I must have interpreted things wrong,’ I said, almost to myself. Lucas couldn’t know I’d been scenting him for weeks, slowly cataloguing what I’d thought was the attraction between us growing. I scanned his face. His eyes were crinkled and his mouth downturned. ‘You don’t need to be sorry. I’m sorry.’
‘Please don’t be.’ Lucas shook his head. His scent turned hot, like he was angry. It passed as he looked at me. His eyes flicked to my lips once again. ‘I wish I wanted to kiss you.’
His face flamed, but I was less concerned with his embarrassment over another of his blurted statements and more confused by whatever the hell had gone on with his heart as he’d said it.
The beats flattened. Skipping, but also not. Hammered and strange.
Lucas’s words were earnest. He certainly believed what he’d said, but somehow it wasn’t completely true. It wasn’t an outright lie, he wasn’t telling me he wished he wanted to kiss me to be nice when actually he was resolutely straight and always would be. Something else was going on.
‘I should go.’ Lucas grabbed his bag. I thought he would flee the cottage without another word, but he paused at the top of the stairs to the ground floor. His shoulders rounded like he was trying to make himself small. He didn’t look up as he said, ‘Is everything going to be okay?’
Fighting the instinct to run up to my bedroom and sob into my pillow because the boy I liked didn’t like me back, I walked over and placed my hand in the centre of Lucas’s hunched back.
‘Everything will be fine,’ I promised, eternally grateful Lucas wasn’t a werewolf so couldn’t detect the faint bump to my heartbeat. It wasn’t a total lie, but was more something I wanted to be true rather than what I knew to be.
Lucas nodded, his shoulders loosening as he took a deep breath. ‘I really care about you,’ he said in a rush, before pelting down the stairs.
My hand fell to my side. Lucas didn’t look up as he yanked open the cottage’s back door. It slammed shut behind him, caught by the wind.
‘Oh god.’ The air around me swam with a horrible mixture of want and sadness and need and fear. I sank down to the floor to escape the worst of it, my knees pulled to my chest.
Hope was a cruel bastard. I shouldn’t have let myself get caught up in the warmth of Lucas’s scent, should have kept a level head and concluded that if he wasn’t acting on his feelings, there was a reason.
I gripped my legs tight. He’d said he wished he wanted to kiss me with that weird murmur in his heartbeat. I didn’t know what it meant, but I wouldn’t allow myself to believe he did like me deep down and it was only a matter of time before his wish came true and then we would kiss and everything would be perfect.
‘No.’ I wiped my leaking eyes with my jumper sleeves. ‘No more hope.’
The cat flap clattered. Seconds later, Kat bounded up the stairs. She hissed when she spotted me on the floor.
It was testament to how pathetic I must have looked that she didn’t punish me for not having her breakfast ready. She padded over and nudged her head into my elbow.
I swallowed and raised a watery smile. ‘Thanks for being nice to me.’
She rubbed her face along my forearm, then nibbled the exposed skin of my wrist. A gentle warning; she would allow ten more seconds of wallowing, but then expected me to resume being her food provider.
I stood and dusted myself off. Taking a deep breath, I straightened my back and walked over to the kitchen to prepare Kat’s latest disgustingly gooey meal.
She was right. I shouldn’t wallow. I had more in my life than Lucas. I had a cat who tolerated me and a bookshop to run. I had a pack who loved me.
As always, I would have to put up with having slightly less than what I wanted. Lucas didn’t want me romantically. He would never pick me over everyone else. I would never be his person.
But Lucas did like me. A lot. As a friend. That was wonderful.
