IWASN’T LOOKING FORWARDto the long drive back to D.C., but it was necessary. I wanted to spend the entire trip thinking about Maverick and the things he made me feel, but I’d just end up turning my car around and avoid reality just a bit longer while being wrapped around him. Instead, I focused on a game plan on how I could have my cake and eat it too, because I believed it was truly possible if I wanted it bad enough.
I wanted Maverick – any way I could have him – so much so that I wasn’t putting off my confrontation with Justin another day. I cringed at how I deemed it as a confrontation, but I wasn’t sure how else to describe it. Once again, Justin and I found ourselves in a situation where we wanted different things in our personal lives. I only hoped that we would behave like the mature adults we were supposed to be.
My mind didn’t quit spinning the entire drive home. Madge whined a few times, as if she sensed my inner turmoil. I reached over each time to stroke her silky ears, just how she liked, to let her know I was okay. Needless to say, I was strung tight by the time I pulled into the underground parking garage of my apartment.
Imagine my shock to find Justin in the apartment that we used to share, the same one he fled because he couldn’t handle mydeviant cravings. Odd, because I recalled him throwing his key to the apartment at me before fleeing for his life, so how was it he stood in my kitchen stirring a pot of something delicious smelling? He looked up when he heard thethunkof my luggage hitting the floor. Madge let out a loud bark and began to advance on him, but I grabbed her collar and held her back. She sat beside me, but kept her eyes on Justin.
“What are you doing here?” So much for subtle or even friendly. “How the hell are you in my apartment? Better yet, why are you in my apartment?”
Justin looked surprised that I wasn’t happy to see him. What did I ever say or do to give him the impression that I would want to see him in my apartment uninvited? “Professional relationship only” had been a contingent part of his employment. Sure, I never called him out when he brought me lunch or announced that he was wearing the shirt I bought him for Christmas one year or the cologne I preferred to smell on his skin, but neither did I encourage him. Finding him in my apartment was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I said firmly. “Justin, what are you doing here and how did you get in? I recall your apartment key hitting me in the chest on your way out the door.” He at least had the good grace to cringe at his childish behavior from two years before, but it changed nothing. “More importantly, how do you think this is appropriate behavior?”
“I… uh, just wanted to do something nice for you since you’d been gone for so long and had to drive so far to get home.” He fidgeted with the hem of his t-shirt and I started to feel guilty for being angry. Wait! This was the same manipulative bullshit he used to pull on me. He’d do something to upset me and then somehow turn it around so that I ended up feeling guilty over my reaction. Not this time!
“Justin, I was completely honest with you from the very beginning. I told you the only relationship we could have was a professional one. You agreed to that, but then your behavior started to change. I didn’t call you on it at work, thinking you’d get over whatever nostalgic feelings you had and would move on once you saw that I didn’t reciprocate them.” I let out a breath of pent up frustration. “What’s going on with you? You have to remember how incompatible we were.”
Justin’s shoulders slumped and he looked down at his feet for several long minutes before he raised his head and met my gaze head on. “I regretted walking away from you five minutes after I left. I knew that I had blown it, made a horrible mistake, but I was too proud to turn around.” He took a few steps toward me, but Madge’s growl stopped him. I patted her head and she relaxed. “I’ve never gotten over you, Noah, no matter how hard I tried.”
I resigned myself that it wouldn’t be a quick conversation. “It’s obvious that we have a lot to talk about and I was planning to call you tonight anyway.” He perked up and I had to shut it down. “Not to discuss getting back together again, but whether or not we can continue to work together. Look,” I said with a patience I wasn’t really feeling, “you already made dinner and it shouldn’t go to waste. I just need to make a quick phone call and I’ll be out.” I snapped my fingers for Madge to follow when it looked like she planned to stay there and keep an eye on Justin in my absence. I had to love my dog and her loyalty.
I went to my room and shut myself in so I could call Maverick. I knew that just hearing his voice would ease my tension. I closed my eyes, pictured how his face looked first thing in the morning, and was instantly centered.
“Hi, handsome. I take it you made it home safe and sound,” Maverick said in way of answering his phone. God, I missed him already and it had only been a little over seven hours. “I think I figured out this Skype thing. I just need to know your username.
“DocFeelGood,” I told him and cringed at how tacky it sounded. Maverick’s raucous laughter came through the line.
“Is that your porn name too?” He asked, once he finally recovered.
“Maybe,” I retorted. “What’s your username, big guy?”
“Boss69.” I could’ve fired right back at him for having a cheesy porn sounding name, but all I could think about was straddling his face and feeling him suck me in his mouth the same time I deep-throated his cock. I was sure I made a whimpering needy sound through the line, which earned another chuckle from him. This time it was darker, as if his mind went right back to that moment too. He cleared his throat and said, “It was meant to honor Lola.”
“Uh huh,” I replied teasingly. “I bet.”
“Noah, are you ready to eat?” Justin asked through the closed door.
“Who is that? Is that Justin? In your apartment?” Maverick’s tense voice matched the feelings roiling inside me. I hadn’t planned on keeping this from him. I felt his anger and confusion through the line.
“Uninvited, Mav. He was here when I walked in and I came back to my bedroom to call you and let you know I made it home safe and was about to hammer this out with Justin. I wasn’t going to hide this from you. I’m not that guy. You just distracted me with the username talk and then flooded my brain with images of our first morning together and I…”
“Noah,” Maverick said firmly, effectively cutting off my rambling. “I don’t like that he’s there, but I trust you and believe that you were going to tell me about him being there. So, DocFeelGood, get off the phone with me so you can get out there and set him straight. You. Are. Mine. Then we can Skype and you can make me feel as good as your username suggests.”
“I. Am. Yours.” I used the same deliberate enunciation that he did.
I wanted to tell him I loved him right then but it was too soon for those kind of confessions. Besides, I wanted to look into his eyes and have him look into mine when I told him so he could see the honesty behind my words. I needed him to know my feelings were real, that they weren’t some leftover emotions from years gone by.
His trust in me meant more than I could say. Would I be so trusting if I had heard Derrick talking in the background or the thumping of club music letting me know he was on the prowl? His words also made me feel guilty, because I had a confession to make.
“I stole your ‘fuck me’ jeans,” I confessed in a rush.
“Whaaaat?” Maverick’s laughter told me he wasn’t mad.
“I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else seeing you in those jeans, Mav. I mean, I know that others have seen them on you and then later off of you,” I cringed at the thought, “but, no more. You. Are. Mine.”
“Noah?” Justin called through the door. It was a good thing I had locked it or he’d probably be inside the room with me.
“Be right out,” I replied to him.
