“I. Am. Yours. Now, go tell that jackass so we can get back to each other.”
“You got it, Boss.” God, that sounded so sexy to me. My natural urges to give up my control to him kicked in high gear. I would need to tell him soon before I got in too deep with him. My heart survived Justin’s rejection, but I feared a complete emotional crippling if Maverick rejected me.
“I could get used to you calling me that in your sexy voice, Noah. You make me think very dirty, dirty thoughts.” I had hope that Maverick wouldn’t think I was a freak. I felt my dick start to respond to his voice and the images his words painted.
“Oh God,” I moaned. “I need to go before he comes back and overhears phone sex between us, because that’s where you’re leading me, Mav.”
“Go, but not with a hard-on. That’s all for me now, Noah. I don’t share.”
I pressed a hand to my thickening erection. “You’re not helping, Mav.” His dark chuckle rumbled through the line and teased me even more before I heard the click that told me he had disconnected the call. I stood there for a few more minutes, willing my body under control.
Justin was sitting on a stool at the island when I returned. His ramrod posture let me know how disappointed he was at the turn of events. I didn’t want to hurt the guy, but there was nothing for us, even if I didn’t have Maverick in my life.
“I think I should leave,” Justin said when I rounded the corner of the island and stood across from him on the other side.
“No,” I told him firmly. “We need to discuss it now and get it all out in the open, J.” His tension eased a bit with the use of his old nickname. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea about our talk, but I also didn’t want to come across as cruel or mean. I truly hoped we could get past this and work together. I remained standing while he sat across from me. I felt like the distance was needed. “Justin, what was the real reason you asked to work with me? Were you really looking for a change or was it to get close to me again?”
He took a deep breath and then leveled his gaze on mine. “It was to be near you again.” He blushed slightly at his confession. “I had heard from your mom that you were still single and…”
“My mom?”
“I called to wish her happy birthday and we started to talk and, of course, the conversation turned to you.” I felt betrayed somehow, like my mom conspired against me. She didn’t know the reasons why Justin and I broke up, she probably hoped we’d get back together with just a tiny push from her.
“You called my mom on her birthday? Out of the blue?” I felt my temper starting to rise.
“It wasn’t out of the blue.” he said defensively. “I’ve called her every year since we broke up. I love your mom and it never felt right to just walk out of her life.”
“But, it was okay to just walk out of mine?” I was shocked that he had been calling my mom for two years and she’d never told me. Why? Did she think I didn’t want to know or did she think it was irrelevant?
“I didn’t really, though. To you, it seemed that way, but I never got over us or the mean things I said to you. I guess by talking to your mom on her birthday and Christmas…”
“Christmas too?”
Justin sighed in irritation. “Will you let me finish?” He pinned me with a glare, so I shut my mouth and let him continue. “Yes, Christmas too. I know it wasn’t appropriate, Noah, but I was curious about what was going on with you.” He ran a hand through his hair in agitation and looked away from me a brief second before returning his frank regard to me. “I tried dating other guys, but I could never fall in love with any of them. How could I when I had never fallen out of love with you? I was so fucking wrong, Noah.” He reached his hands across the island to hold mine, but I pulled back.
“Justin, you’re fixated on our early happy years, and not the last few where we argued all of the time. We didn’t have a healthy relationship, J. Our needs and wants weren’t compatible.” I saw him flinch and hurried to expand, “I wasn’t referring to the bedroom. I’m talking about the fundamental parts of a relationship, although the bedroom can’t be discounted. What about marriage and children, J? I wanted a family of my own and you wanted neither marriage nor children. You didn’t even want a dog.” I gestured to Madge who looked up at me in disbelief. “There was no way to come back from those things, even if I didn’t disgust you in the bedroom.”
“You didn’t disgust me,” he said defensively. “I just didn’t understand your needs back then.”
“You called me a sexual deviant, J.” I registered the second part of his statement and pressed further. “Are you saying you understand my needs now?”
“I’ve done some research, both professional and out of personal curiosity, and I don’t think it’s deviant any longer.” His face was redder than I had ever seen it. If we were laughing between two friends, I’d tease him about some of the images his “research” might’ve revealed to him.
“Justin, there is absolutely no similarities to me liking rough sex and longing to be tied up by my lover and a complete BDSM lifestyle. Although, I don’t find that lifestyle offensive or wrong, I think adults should be allowed to explore their sexuality as long as it’s safe and consensual. Granted, I’ve not studied the lifestyle and don’t know what all it entails, but it’s not my place to judge them as deviant or wrong. To each their own, I say.”
“I realize that now, Noah, but back then I was just so scared of not being enough for you that I projected my fear as disgust toward you and I’m sorry.”
“Justin, I appreciate and accept your apology.” He looked hopeful, but my next words killed his enthusiasm. “I’ve met someone and it’s very serious, Justin.” It was too early to be thinking along those lines, but I didn’t care. My heart knew what I wanted and, for once, my over analytical mind was in complete agreement. I just needed to figure out the logistics. “I don’t say this to hurt you,” I said at his crestfallen expression, “I just needed you to know the truth. I have some serious considerations to make about my practice going forward and I hope you’ll be a part of the equation.”
“How did you meet and when? I mean, you’ve not been dating as long as I’ve worked for you.” Justin looked stupefied by my announcement.
“It’s a long story and it almost sounds like a fairytale, but it’s my reality and I need to find a way to hold onto it. I don’t want to hurt you, Justin. You may not want to hear about me and Maverick.”
“Maverick, huh? Sounds kind of hot.” He offered a small smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “How about you tell me as much as you’re comfortable with while we eat. PG version,” he said with a raised brow, “my heart can’t take the R rated version.” He was trying to be my friend and I had to give him credit, it wasn’t like our earlier conversation. This was my friend Justin, not a jealous ex-boyfriend trying to rekindle a past relationship.
“Deal.” For the first time in many weeks I had hope that things might work out, that Justin and I could get beyond our painful past and actually be friends and colleagues.
I sent a text to Maverick to let him know that the conversation had gone better than I hoped. I told him I was getting cleaned up after a long day of travel and would be logging onto Skype in fifteen minutes or less. I wanted to linger beneath the spray of hot water, but knowing that I would actually see Maverick’s face spurred me.
