“Thanks, man. Loved seeing you on your ass,” I taunted.
“I had your ass on the ground more, teaching you that new shit,” Mark bragged.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, then toweled off. We both got dressed quickly, and I walked out of the locker room, running into Barry.
“We need to talk,” Barry said.
“I’m tired, Barry, can this wait?”
“No.”
“Shit. Fine.” I followed him into his office and he shut the door behind me.
“I’ve just gotten off the phone with the president of ETC and he’s loving you, kid. The fans are loving you, that last fight drove everyone wild. It made a lot of money for the promotion, too. People want to see you fight, they want to see you win. Hell, even the ones who want to see you lose are still paying to see you fight. You’re a pay-per-view draw, kid. That means you can get even more sponsorships. I was talking to Rupert and he’s working on a multi-million dollar deal for you with Hyperion automotive.”
“Holy shit, are you serious?” I asked. Hyperion cars were expensive as fuck.
“Yeah, serious as a heart attack. It’s a delicate deal, he’s really trying to build you up, so that’s why we don’t need any scandal going on with you right now. You breaking up with Kathy isn’t that big of a deal since no one knows the reason why. That’s all going to blow over soon, especially when you get in the ring with your next opponent. What we need to do is get you an opponent and a feud that’s really going to hype up the fans. You’ve got to do some shit talking, buddy, really pump it up, and we need to make sure you can back it up. That’s why I need your head in the game.”
“My head is in the game, Barry.”
“Good, because I’m here to make sure you succeed, Macio. I love you like you’re my own son.”
“I know.” He did support me no matter what. Barry was telling me about an opportunity of a lifetime. I had to take it.
“Dirk Calder’s been wanting a shot at you for a while, ever since he won his contender match, and now the opportunity is finally here. He’s been talking a lot of shit, too.” Barry laughed.
“Fuck that bitch, I’ll wipe my ass with his face,” I stated.
Barry laughed harder. “Yeah, I know… but watch out, because he has a mean right hook and his ground game is better than your last three opponents’.”
“So, I’ll beef up my ground game.”
“And your aikido.”
“That’s tomorrow’s training. Okay, can I go now? I’m hungry as fuck.”
“Watch those calories, Macio.”
“I will.” I wanted a steak—rare and spinach salad so damn bad. I gave Barry a hug, then left the gym. My body was a little sore, seeing as Mark hadn’t pulled his punches, and Hiko wouldn’t be pulling his punches tomorrow during my aikido sparring. I drove to a favorite steakhouse of mine and ordered my food to go. When I got home, I ate and got on Twitter to look at Aiden’s account. I needed to stop torturing myself, but I needed to see him.
Damn it, would I ever get over him?
It felt like I went through half of the stages of grief in the first few hours upon arriving home in L.A. after walking out of Macio’s hotel room. I was in shock that Macio and I could be over and wanted to deny it had happened. I was angry – at Macio, Rupert, the universe – and was willing to bargain anything I had to get him back. Depression and loneliness hit me upside the head like a two-by-four and left me feeling dizzy and disoriented. It didn’t help matters when I tried to drown my sorrow in a bottle of booze. I woke up the Monday after the breakup wondering how soon I could expect the upward turn, the reconstruction, the acceptance that we were over, and the hope that I’d find happiness again someday.
I cried myself sick as I typed up the interview I had conducted with Macio. It was embarrassing how many times I replayed the recording just so I could hear his voice. I kept checking my phone to see if he had texted me. I read every text message he ever sent me at least twice before I opened my Messenger app. I had planned to read through all of them, too, but I noticed the conversation thread was gone. My heart sank when I searched for Tyler Johnson and realized he’d deleted the one secret way he had of communicating with me.
It was then that I realized Macio had made his decision. It was his way of severing all ties and moving on without me. I tried to do the same by deleting his contact information, but I wasn’t strong enough yet. I equated the pain from deleting his photos and messages from my phone to losing a limb. Fuck, I thought I might recover from the physical pain quicker than the emotional.
I threw myself into my work and took every traveling assignment I could to keep my mind off of Macio. At first, it didn’t work. I thought about him just as much as I did when I was at home and there wasn’t enough activity in the day to keep my thoughts from turning to him – wondering how he was doing and if he ever thought about me. In addition to the traveling, I turned over the fighting assignments to the new reporter Jerry had hired and refused to read any article or online report that I thought his name would even appear in. No Google searches, nothing. Macio had made a clean break and I needed to do the same.
Eventually, it paid off. I stopped looking at the pictures of him on my phone and I even went complete days without thinking about him. I congratulated myself when I realized after three long months, I had finally reached the upward turn phase of my grief. I was ready to embrace the reconstruction phase and hoped it might include some up close and personal time with a guy who wanted to be with me – and not just when no one was looking.
I realized I wouldn’t meet that special someone by spending all my time hiding inside my house when I was home. I stopped ignoring dinner and dancing invites and hit the town with my friends. It felt awkward the first time a stranger pressed his body against mine on the dance floor. My heart screamed that it was all wrong and only Macio had the right to touch me so intimately. The hard truth was that he didn’t want me enough to love me openly, so I forced myself to ignore my reservations and threw myself into the dance. I didn’t leave the club with my dance floor partner, but it was a step in the right direction.
I wasn’t fooled into thinking the first guy who showed interest in me would be the one I fell head-over-heels for, but I had to admit it felt good to have a man look at me with naked interest in his eyes, especially if it was in a crowded café in the middle of the afternoon. The date wasn’t what I had hoped it would be because the guy was clearly only looking to hookup.
I needed much more out of life than a guy who was just looking to pick up men from an app. I wanted to find a guy that I had a lot of things in common with, but someone who could also push my boundaries a little and perhaps interest me in non-sporty things like art and movies. I wanted a guy who could stimulate me both sexually and intellectually. I thought just maybe I had found my opportunity when Seth introduced me to a colleague from his office.
