He sat down on the sofa beside me. “I know this hurts, kid. But this is best. Like you said, you’re living on two sides of a coin. He’s openly gay, you’re not. He can go on dates with guys and no one really gives a shit. You get caught kissing an openly gay public figure, Shane will go crazy. MMA isn’t a sport that will accept you being gay, you know this.”
“Fuck, I know! Damn it, does that mean I have to always be alone?” I shot back. I was angry as hell. Angry at whoever took those fucking pictures. Angry at the MMA sports world for forcing me to live in the closet. Angry at a society that wanted to shame two men in love. But most of all, I was angry at myself for being so damned weak!
“You have to choose, then. Once you make your decision, you stick to it. Aiden or your career, because that’s what this comes down to, Macio,” Rupert said.
I looked at him and he was staring at me with a stern expression. I thought about how happy Aiden made me, how much I loved being in his presence, the scent of him next to me and how intoxicating it all was. I thought about how his smile could brighten my day and the sound of his laughter warmed my heart. I thought about how great it felt to be inside of him, bringing him pleasure and seeing that look of ecstasy on his face when that moment came.
Then I thought about what I’d be giving up if I chose him. Millions of dollars in endorsements. My promotion might not want to promote my fights. Other fighters would have a shit ton of issues, no doubt. Fans would turn on me and eventually, I might be asked to take a dive just so they could give the belt to someone manlier by their standards. These fears weren’t unfounded. I didn’t know of one MMA fighter who was openly gay. Also, it wasn’t just me I had to think about. Rupert, Barry, my whole crew made money through me, too. I couldn’t let them down. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, after all. Maybe I was just being selfish in wanting to keep Aiden to myself. I forced him to go back into a closet just to be with me, and for what? A few weekends of shared passion and endless phone calls? That was no life, not for either of us. Rupert was right.
I looked at Rupert. “It’s over,” I said.
Rupert nodded. “Then we can move on from this point.” He slapped me on my knee. “Let me take care of these photos, kid. I want you to focus on your career, that’s what’s most important here.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to do my own investigation, see if anyone saw who dropped these off. In the meantime, try to get your head straight.” He got up and walked out of my hotel room, leaving me alone with those thoughts I wished I didn’t have.
God, I needed a drink.
It had been a week since I let Aiden walk out of my life without so much as a fight. That was seven days of me feeling like I had made the biggest mistake of my fucking life. That was one-hundred and sixty-eight hours of me laying in my bed at night, holding on to the pillow Aiden had slept on at the hotel. I couldn’t shake the feeling of deep regret and I couldn’t help but miss him so damned much.
I sat down on the bench and let Mark, my ju-jitsu coach, tape up my hands. He didn’t know I was gay, but he did know I had something on my mind and it wasn’t about the MMA world.
“You okay, Macio?” Mark asked me. “You don’t look like you’re all here.”
“I’ve just got shit on my mind,” I said.
“Yeah, I bet, that break-up with Kathy was ugly. It was all over the media. Bitches were tripping like you broke up with them personally and shit,” Mark stated.
I snorted with a smirk. “Yeah, I had plenty of hate mail from a few of them.”
It was true, women hated that Kathy and I had broken up. To them, it was a bruiser and Cinderella story. I wondered how many of them put themselves in her thousand dollar shoes I’d paid for. She hadn’t talked to me since storming out of my hotel room that day, but her name was synonymous with mine lately. Of course, the amount of feedback I was getting for breaking up with Kathy I knew paled in comparison for what I’d be getting if those photos were exposed.
“Yeah, well, you did what you needed to do. To be honest… and this is just between us… I felt she was too fucking clingy, man. I mean, she was all over you. I like Kathy, got nothing against her, but I just didn’t see you two as a lasting couple. There just wasn’t any connection,” Mark stated.
“Yeah, my brother said the same thing,” I replied with a chuckle as I thought about what Rico had said. Of course, my brother called to give me his support over my break up. He said some comforting things that made me feel worse, because what he didn’t know was that I did have a break up, but it wasn’t with Kathy.
“All right, you’re all taped up. Okay, it’s time for you to put that shit in the back of your head now, Macio. I’m going to whoop your ass out there. I’ll teach you for lowering your guard in the ring.”
I flexed my fingers, making sure I could move them just fine. I put on my gloves and stood up, ready to follow Mark to the mat. “I underestimated Jaxon a little.”
“Which is something we’ve told you time and time not to do. Never underestimate your opponent. Motherfuckers underestimate you all the time and look what happens?” He smiled as he proved his point.
I nodded. “It won’t happen again.” I followed him to the mat and took up my position. Barry sat backwards in the chair, resting his arms on the back of it as he watched us spar. Of course, he understood why I had to break it off with Kathy and supported my decision. He also got wind of my real break up with Aiden and supported that too, especially after he saw the photos.
It was Barry who urged me to cut off all ties with Aiden. That meant all social media links I had with him, just in case someone hacked my site. They didn’t want any incriminating social media trails that could prove those photos real. Aiden was right about one thing, those images were blurry as fuck. Barry pointed out how that worked in our favor. You really couldn’t see the faces clearly, but he didn’t want to press the issue.
I hated having to cut off all ties to Aiden. I wanted to see his photos in magazines and read his articles. On several occasions, I’d masturbated to a photo I’d taken of him with my cell phone while he’d slept naked in my bed. I should have deleted the damn thing, but I couldn’t. I tried several times, but couldn’t never press the “delete” button. Aiden had been so beautiful laying on the rumpled covers. We’d shared hours of hot lovemaking and were exhausted. He looked so peaceful as he slept, too. That photo felt like the last thing I had that was ours. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. Instead, I sent it to my Google drive. At least it wouldn’t be on my phone anymore.
Mark took me down easily when I didn’t see the move he used to sweep my leg out from under me. “What the fuck is this, Macio? This is bullshit, man. Get your head in the fucking game. I’m not here to play with you,” he snapped as he let me up.
“I know, I’m sorry,” I said as I climbed to my feet.
Mark grabbed me by the back of my head, forcing me to look at him. “I know you’re hurting, Macio. Channel that shit into your fists, bro. Make that pain work for you.” He let me go and punched me in the chest in his motivational way.
I nodded and jumped up and down, trying to work that fire back inside of me. I’d given up the love of my life… quite possibly a love that I may never have again, all for my career. It was my decision and I needed to put myself into it one hundred percent. I needed to let Aiden go if I was going to move forward. The good news was, no more photos came in the past seven days, so I was keeping my fingers crossed. I shoved my pain into the closet I was hiding in and put my focus on Mark and taking him down.
“That was a great training session, bro,” Mark said, slapping me on my shoulder as we walked out of the shower room.
