“That can be said for most gentlemen, I would say.”
“He was a rake. He had a lengthy engagement to Spencer’s mother, for he promised her that once the ring was on her finger, he would be loyal to her. She did not come from wealth, and so she assumed that a duke would be her savior. He was in a way, I suppose.”
“As for you?”
“I was already there. He knew that I had been born, for my mother had written to him, but he did not care. Had I been a boy, he might have made a plan of sorts so that I was accepted, pretended I was younger than I was so that he could marry my mother and claim I was not his bastard.”
“If that had worked.”
“Yes, if,” she murmured. “In any case, not only was I a girl, but it was apparent that something was wrong with me. Long before they learned of my visual impairment, I was a sickly child. Do you know what the late Duke said when he heard that? He said he hoped I succumbed to my illnesses. That way, I would not cause any trouble.”
Anna could barely breathe at her words. Spencer had not spoken ill of his father, though he had not spoken particularly highly of him either, and so she had assumed there was nothing objectively terrible about him, but there was.
“What did Spencer have to say about that?”
“He does not know. He feels enough guilt about it as it is. If he knew just how little our father cared for me, he would never let me out of his sight, which would drive me to madness.”
“But surely you understand that he does this because he cares for you?”
“Of course I do. The part that I take issue with is that he does knowhowI wish to be cared for. He sees my predicament and assumes that I am completely helpless.”
Instinctively, she seemed to quicken her horse’s pace, only to slow it again. Anna tried not to pity her, but it was difficult; to slowly lose part of herself until there was almost nothing left, all the while trying to maintain that she was just as capable as before must have been excruciating, but she seemed to take it in stride.
“Well, what do you need from us?” Anna asked. “I know that you want independence, but Spencer and I truly do want you to be close. If anything, I would like to have a sister and a nephew that I can see. You would be doing me a favor, so what would you like in return?”
“You humor me.”
“I hope so, but I am serious. I do not want you to be too far away, and I want to know what I can do to help you feel as though you need not be.”
They continued in silence for a moment. Sophia was looking straight ahead of her, as if contemplating, and Anna wondered what she was thinking. She hoped that it would not be a refusal, mostly for her sake but also for more selfish reasons.
She did not want to lose Spencer again, which was almost certainly what would happen if Sophia left. Spencer had made it perfectly clear that he preferred his sister, and she felt rather pathetic accepting the scraps of adoration that he offered at times, but she wanted him to stay.
It was all she had ever wanted, which she had not truly realized until that moment.
“I would like to have a maid,” Sophia replied at last. “I had a housekeeper, but she only knew how to handle the home. She did not care for me nor my son specifically, which made everything more difficult.”
“A maid,” Anna nodded. “Consider it done.”
“And a larger home,” she continued. “I know that might not be the easiest thing to grant, but it would perhaps also make my brother less inclined to see me as often as he does now. He was always afraid that the little home I was left in was too cramped, too dark, and he always wanted to ensure that we were well.”
“I would have to agree. I do not want either of you in a home that is not fit for purpose. I would not dream of sending you somewhere that I would not live in myself.”
“And I believe that is all, as long as my darling brother does not come knocking on my door every day. I know I sound cruel.”
“Not at all. It is only fair that you have your own life without practically living with your younger brother.”
“But it is more than that,” she pressed. “I have never told him, but he must know. He is identical to our father. I only ever saw the man in a painting, but it was enough. Every time I look at Spencer, I see the man who threw me aside in favor of a life with his wife and son. I do not suppose that you see him any differently.”
Anna opened her mouth to argue the contrary, but she could not. That was, indeed, how she saw Spencer at times. She wanted to be loved by him, but he had always been too busy elsewhere, and though he claimed to have thought of her, his actions proved otherwise. She was angry with him, and though she thought that she had let it all go, she knew that some resentment remained.
“I thought so,” Sophia nodded. “Come, let us return. I have given you my demands if the two of you want us to stay here. I know what will happen, though. In order to save face, I will be hidden away.”
“That is not what we want at all. We are trying to find a way for you to remain in London, if anything, for we do not want to lose you.”
Sophia raised an eyebrow at her as they turned back, as if she did not believe her at all.
“You do not know me, Anna.”
