“Perhaps not, but I should like to, and that is not possible if you are hundreds of miles away. You are here, and you are telling me about yourself, and that is making more of a difference than you could possibly know.”
“Then perhaps I might tell you about my son?”
“I would like that very much.”
“Very well, but I will warn you that it does not show your husband in the best light.”
“Not very much about what he has done will do that.”
Sophia laughed sadly and then cleared her throat. She explained that a man had seduced her, promising to take care of her.
“It happened before Spencer discovered my existence,” she explained. “Our father had made every effort to keep him fromknowing about me, although I had always known precisely who he was. I never wanted to speak to him, but…”
“So he has not known who you are for long.”
“Not at all. If I had my way, he never would have found out about me at all, but that is not how things happened. When I became pregnant, the man I fancied myself in love with abandoned me. He did not want a child, nor did he want me. At last, he admitted that I was only entertainment and nothing more. That was when I realized that I had no other choice but to find my dear brother.”
Anna inhaled sharply, hating that men could simply decide to do that.
“Spencer had to act fast,” Sophia continued. “That was why he– well, that was why he married you. He needed to cover the scandal of it all, and the best way to do that was to get married and have a duchess to take care of everything while he looked after his sister elsewhere.”
“Is that why you thought I would dislike him?” Anna chuckled. “Believe me, I never once thought that he loved me when our wedding was arranged. He had made it quite clear to my father that it was a marriage in name only.”
“I assumed as much, but that does not mean that it is acceptable. Are you truly happy to live the rest of your life being referred to as a duty to society and nothing more?”
“That is not what my marriage is now, Sophia. I thank you for your concern, but we have changed since our wedding day.”
But she could tell by the way Sophia looked that there was something more to it that she was not saying. There was almost a guilt in her eyes, and Sophia could not look at her.
“What is it?”
“If I tell you, you must not say anything to my brother. I would like to discuss it with him myself.”
“Very well.”
“He told me yesterday that you were a duty and nothing else. He said that you were the only reason that people had not questioned his absence, and that I had much to be grateful to you for.”
Anna thought back to what they had done the night before, and bristled.
“When did he say that?” she asked tentatively.
“Just before you returned. I told him that I did not want to come between you, and he told me there was no love there at all.”
Anna was growing tired of feeling ill because of her own husband, but it happened again. She thought of how he had goneto her room that night, spoken gently to her, touched her, madeloveto her, and he had considered it all part of his duty.
And she, like a fool, had professed her feelings. It was no wonder that he had not said anything in return; he did not feel anything for her to begin with.
But she had promised not to say a word about it, and so she stiffened herself as they continued on their way. When they returned, she saw Spencer holding the boy in his arms, but she did not find it as attractive as she had before. She wondered if that was an act too, if he was playing the role of brother because he had to rather than it being what he truly wanted, but she knew that was untrue.
He did care for Sophia, but not for her.
“How was it?” he asked her, after Sophia had taken her son from him.
“I wish to stay in separate rooms again,” she said, not wanting to respond to his question.
She hoped that he would ask her what had happened, or protest, or give her anything at all to make her believe that she had gotten it wrong, but he did not. Instead, he simply murmured in agreement and left her standing in the empty hallway.
Her household had never been fuller, and yet she had never felt so alone.
