I run a hand over my hair, tug down my dress and smooth away the wrinkles. It feels like preparing for battle.
My face is smooth as I walk in. “I’m sorry, Papa. This morning’s fitting took longer than I expected.”
My father is sitting in his chair. I haven’t seen him in here for a long time. Months. Maybe longer.
I’ve barely seen him at all, in fact.
He points to the tall-backed, uncomfortable, pristine white couch that I’ve always despised. “Sit.”
The silence stretches out.
“You missed the fitting. I’ve rearranged it for next week.”
I smooth over my knees. “There’s no need.”
His attention sharpens as I look up, squaring my shoulders. “I’m not marrying Philip. I’ve made my decision. I appreciate your concern over my future, but I will work it out, the same way that everyone else has to.”
“I see.” He studies me, his voice even. “And what will you do?”
“I’ll make the store work. And if I can’t, I’ll get a job.”
He laughs at me. A cruel, sharp laugh that I’ve never heard from him before. “Will you, now?”
Don’t let him wear you down.
My voice remains steady. “You gave me an excellent education. I speak Spanish, German, Korean and ASL almost fluently, and I’m highly organised. I’ll find something. I don’t particularly care what, as long as I can live on it.”
“Pity that education didn’t give you a brain worth a damn.” The brutal comment makes me stiffen. “You will be marrying Philip. Have your tantrum, Briar. But you will marry him, and soon. You’re attending a dinner with him next week. After that,you’ll wear the ring he gives you, and you will smile, and nod, and you will do exactly what Ifuckingtell you to do.”
He’s never spoken to me like that before. The ground on which my whole life is built shifts beneath my feet. “And if I refuse? You can’tforceme.”
My father looks down. “The firm will fold without Philip’s investment, you know. We’re barely keeping things afloat.”
It takes me a moment. “What?”
“Everything will go.” He suddenly looks older than I’ve ever seen him. “The house. The car. Everything I’ve ever worked for.We– not just me – will lose everything, Briar. And soon, if something doesn’t change. Within weeks, if I can make it that far. And then we’ll see how you survive without all of the luxuries you’ve grown up with.”
My heart thuds. I’m not worried about myself. But my father – his firm is hislife. It has been for as long as I can remember. “But Philip is going to be partner. That’s always been the plan. So his investment will keep things running, right?”
“He has conditions. Oronecondition. And he is running out of patience.”
I shake my head. “You can’t be serious.”
“At least go to the dinner, Briar,” my father says heavily. “Please. If I have more time – maybe I can work something out. Fix this. You can do this one thing for me.”
I take a deep breath. “Fine. But I won’t lie to him. I won’t pretend, not if it comes up.”
“Do what you want.” My father stands. “I have enough to consider.”
He leaves me alone as he walks out without another word, my body frozen against the couch.
That’s why he wants me to marry Philip so desperately. Not for my comfort at all. It has nothing to do with my childhood, just aconvenient excuse to keep me close, to maintain the lie that he’s worried about me while he tries to get the bestprice.
I’m just another negotiation.
My heart aches as I slowly climb the stairs to my bedroom. My body throbs from last night, and I sit down on the edge of my bed, opening up my hands and staring at them.
My virginity and my naivety, both stripped away on the same day. How poetic.
