My head starts to spin. Nothing feels like solid ground right now as I try to balance my brain and my heart. Both of which are in agreement of at least one thing right now; Jensen and I have to close this chapter. No matter what, this was always the plan. Everything else that battles between my guarded heart and my wickedly reckless brain is something I’ll have to figure out later.
"Come on, Liv. Do you really think that everyone in this town is that dumb? We all saw the way the two of you looked at each other all those years ago. It wasn't hard to put those pieces together. I knew I was just a rebound for you." Jensen speaks to me calmly, even though he seems sour about the fact that us breaking up might actually have to do withhim. But that isn’t the reason. Or at least it wasn’t. Maybe it was all along. Maybe I knew deep down that I couldn’t belong to anyone else.
But I don't want to talk about him anymore. Especially not to Jensen. And I don't want to think about him or the possibility of him being back andlooking for mebecause he's one of the reasons I began to fall apart in the first place. He’s the reason I turned to Jensen. And my moments with him are the last I can remember from that night until after the bodies were found.
"Well, he has nothing to do with this," I start, needing to just escape this place my mind is now spinning in.
Jensen remains silent and I can't stand to sit in the awkwardness that breathes between us, so I try my best to change the tone of our situation and approach him a little more gently, but it seems to backfire in an instant.
"I want you to know that I think you're a really great guy and I appreciate-"
"Save it," he demands in a tone that I'm not used to hearing come from him. His whole body language changes along with the disappointment I sense swimming in his words.
"Jensen, don't be like that," I say as he decides to push past me, heading toward the direction of the group by the paper lanterns.
But I don't bother to chase after him, because even though I feel a tiny hint of dismay settle in my heart from the way I just made him feel, I know it’s the right thing to do for me. And at least now, it’s done.
So why is my gut telling me that I just made a huge fucking mistake?
7
OLIVIA
“I see dead people.” — Cole Smear, The Sixth Sense (1999)
Ispot Alli standing near the front of the crowd seemingly sensing my return as she turns her eyes my way. Everyone is gathered in groups filling up the open space. As I walk through the crowd, I notice a few people making their way up to get lanterns lit while others just stand in their groups with beers in hand, continuing to have conversations.
I attempt to gently push my way through, making my way over to Alli. But as I do, I hear a few whispers break out around me and I don't mistake it when I hear a couple of guys chatting about shit they have no business talking about. Especially when I hearmyname leave one of their mouths.
"Who? Olivia?" one guy says. "Heard she's all fucked up from what that psycho did to her brother."
"Why did she even come?" Another one chimes in.
I feel my body tense, my gut filling with abhorrence as I listen to the snideness in their tone. I don’t care what people think about me. Hell, I don’t even care what they say about me. But it’s the mention of my brother that slows my steps. I train my ears on theirconversation as I twist the rings on my fingers; cobalt colored bands that now adorn the thumb and index finger of my right hand. Each ring is lined with spikes, imitating barbed wire, and they’re meant specifically for scumbags like this.
If I were to place my hand on anyone’s throat, the perfect amount of pressure will puncture skin. Not enough to cause any real major damage; it’s just jewelry after all. But enough to get my point across. Enough to put someone in their place.
"Yeah she’s definitely never been the same since her brother was murder-"
Fuck this.
I turn around to face whoever it is running their fucking mouth, not even caring that I accidently bump into someone else in the process. I don't hesitate a second before reaching up and grabbing the fucker by his throat. However, I decide to use my left hand instead because I don’t feel like shedding blood quite yet, not wanting to cause a scene, and I push him back into the bark of the tree behind him.
"Whoa, what the-"
He drops his drink upon the impact of his back hitting the surface behind him, my palm tight against his throat. I don't even care that he's a few inches taller than me and I have to stand on my tiptoes to bring my face close to his. My back is facing the entire crowd of people; a tumult of murmurs and disorder breaking out as they turn to see what's going on but that doesn’t bother me either.
"You should learn to keep your fucking mouth shut," I seethe as I squeeze my fingers tighter into his skin.This is where those barbed wire rings would come in handy, but I let my bare hand do its job.
"I didn't mean-" He tries to mumble whatever words he thinks I want to hear, but I pull my knee up to his groin—my bare leg peeking through the slit in my skirt—and I threaten to push if he continues talking.
I watch as a bead of sweat crawls down his forehead and over a healed scar he has above his eyebrow—it doesn’t look to be more than a few years old—and into his eye, causing him to squint.
"Youdidmean, that's the problem." I close in on his face, my lips near his and my tone a biting whisper. "Keep mine and my brother's name out of your pathetic fucking mouth. If I hear you or your moronic friends bring it up again, you won't be able to have children, understand?"
He nods his head in agreement, so I let go of my hold on him. I can hear him suck in a breath as I turn around, not caring that everyone is staring at me. Let them. Instead of paying any attention to the eyes on me, I walk right up to Alli who has a wicked smile spread across her glossy lips.
"Well done, Winters. I always knew you were a badass." She nudges me in the upper arm; an act of praise. I brush my hair behind my ear before grabbing the paper lantern she’s holding for me.
