"That guy had it coming," I say, letting my anger fade along with the wind in the night.
"Totally agree. Even Seren said he-”
“Wait, Seren?” I raise my brows at my friend, disquiet curiosity dripping from my tone.
“Yeah, he’s the one who . . . wait.” She drops her hands as she looks at me. “Did Seren not tell you?”
“Tell me what?” I ask, wondering what the hell she’s talking about. What could she have known about Seren that I didn’t?
“That’s the guy who took her virginity,” she starts in a low tone. “Well, she consented to it but she said he was a greedy pig and fucked her kind of rough and he didn’t even like . . . prepare her at all for it.” She goes back to scribbling names on her lantern.
“Wait,that’sBroden?” I look back at the guy now chatting with his buddies like nothing happened; a new beer in his hand.
Now I remember why he looks so familiar. I don't know too much about him, only that up until a few years ago he was on the football team alongside my brother when he was alive. He was actually given the opportunity to step up as QB after Deck’s death, something I know he’d been gunning for. But something happened, something that prevented him from taking the position. I’m unsure of what it was and I really didn’t care to ask around, but that’s all I really know.
That and the fact that he slept with Ser. I can vaguely recall the night she told me she lost her virginity—years before most girls our age do—but she didn’t provide me all the details that Alliclaims to have and it causes me to wonder just how much more she knows about our dead friend than I do. But I don't let it bother me too much. Seren told me what she wanted me to know and there's nothing I can do about it now.
"Next!" I hear a familiar voice holler from ahead of us, stopping my thoughts from spiraling too far. I look up to see Jensen waving over at a few people to line up next to the table he's standing at.
"Well, I'm gonna head up," Alli says as she hands me the sharpie before taking a step forward.
"What are we supposed to do exactly?" I ask before she walks away.
"Well, write the name, or names, of those you want to honor on your lantern and then one of the boys will light it for you. Then you step off to the side over there to let it go and after that you walk over to the path to start the maze," she explains to me, and I quirk my brow at her.
"The maze? Alone?" I wonder and she just giggles with wide eyes.
"Yeah, girl. Scary, right?" She doesn't wait for me to respond to her before turning on her heel and wandering up to get her lantern lit.
Scary, sure. But I don’t usually process fear the way most people do. My brain is wired differently and when I think of fear and darkness, most of the time it twists inside my body and manifests itself in fucked up, sensual ways.
I look down at the lantern in my hands as I analyze the blank sides, sharpie in hand. I know the names I'm going to write but before I do, I look around to observe some of the others.
Some people have written down all four names, one on each side. Some only have one or two. I never reallyknow the other two victims very well, but even so, I guess I don’t really have a reason to believe that they don’t deserve to be remembered.
Tyre McNally. The precious son of the football coach. He was one of the best defensive tackles the Marauders had ever seen. I don’t remember much about him otherwise.
Jett Wilton. That one egotistical frat boy who tried to get into every girl’s pants. And he did get into every girl’s pants. He played safety for the MCU Marauders, though it wasn’t his best asset in my opinion so I don’t know why girls found him so charming. He was always joking around though, I do remember that.
My brother was friends with most of the guys he played football with, and I use the wordfriendsloosely. He didn’t really care about being liked too much, even though he was. He simply stayed in his own lane and did what he set his heart out to do and naturally, that made him pretty damn likeable. But if there was anyone he ever expressed his distaste for, even if it was just mildly, it was Broden. And Broden always hung around Tyre and Jett. He never really gave a solid reason why he didn’t like him and he always kept his personal feelings out of the game. But I can only assume it was because Broden was constantly fighting for Deck’s position.
Suddenly, I’m reminded of the time I was passing by for my gym period when I heard an argument break out in the locker room. I couldn’t make out the other voice, only able to pinpoint my brother at first. But just as I was about to move on, Broden walked out and made direct eye contact with me. He stormed off after rolling his eyes and I just remember thinking how weird I thought he was. That argument never really seemed significant to me before, assuming they were arguing about football, but now I wonder if it could have been about something else. I didn’t really hear what was being said, oryelled. But when I had asked Deck about it later that day, he told me to mind my own business. So I did.
I bring my eyes back to the lantern in my hand, shaking off the memories I seem to be recalling. I don’t think they’ll be able to help me pick up the missing pieces of that night; the things I can’t remember. Not necessarily, anyway.
I sigh as I pop the lid off the sharpie and start to scribble out the names I want to remember.
Seren Kavanaugh. The sought-after queen bee, my best friend and believer in all things that glitter, soaking up the attention with her perfectly blonde hair and glistening green eyes. Smart, but easily peer-pressured, though a fearless and resolute soul.
Declan Winters. The celebrated quarterback, my big brother, and the definition of a role model. Someone who did everything he was supposed to and never gave anyone a reason to doubt him. He was one of the most kind-hearted people I knew.
My mind goes numb as I trace the sharpie over the rice paper—letter by slow letter—trying my best to hold in my emotions. It’s a lot easier than I expected it to be. Maybe because I only have memories of before the night they died to hold on to. But pain starts to surface when I imagine what my true last moments with the both of them could have been. Were they good or bad?
After about ten minutes of just staring at their names and seeing that a handful of others have already made their way up to get lanterns lit, I decide that it's my turn.
I feel Jensen's eyes on me the closer I get and I wonder if he feels hopeful that I'll go to him for the light. He watches me, and I can see the disappointment on his face as I decide to pass him and though I don't wantany animosity between us, I decide to go to Banks instead.
"Hey, Liv," he greets me, and I give him a small smile as I hand him my lantern.
