“I’m not!” Sophie laughed breathlessly.
“I... I’m not one of those guys who rushes into anything. I don’t... I’m old-fashioned.”
“How old-fashioned?” Sophie’s eyes widened.Is kissing with extras not allowed? Not before there’s a ring on it? Not until we’re engaged? Not until we have at least three dates that don’t involve tacos or take-out?
“Heh.” Jesse kept his eyes down. “It’s not that I don’t understand modern ideas. I think as long as two people want to do things, they should go ahead. I just... I don’t want to.”
The hurt that she’d told to leave earlier flooded back, a sharp sting in her already tingling body. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t want to get carried away. I understand that I started it, I just didn’t mean to.” His surprised look had turned into something almost angry. His fists were balled, white knuckles pushing up under pale skin.
“Well, if you wanted to start it, doesn’t that mean you wanted to?” Sophie asked, somewhat timidly.
Jesse sighed heavily. “Sometimes it’s hard to think around you. I feel comfortable. Like we’re connected, that you’re like me even though I know you’re not.”
“What do you m—” Sophie found herself cut off by a swift hug that ended with a peck on the cheek.
“I don’t want to be one of those guys who jumps into the physical stuff like that’s the only reason to be with someone.”
“Okay. Okay, I get that.” Sophie was somewhat relieved. She was sure plenty of people who were nearly nineteen were virgins, but all of those people probably had reasons why thatdidn’tinclude being afraid of people, afraid of comments, afraid to even show her face or open her mouth. Plus, sex equalled bodies and big commitments, big risks. She swallowed shakily as she realized that “carried away” was a very good description of how she’d felt. “I was caught up, too. I’ve never uh— I’ve never really dated anyone before.” Did that make her sound pathetic?
“I haven’t dated anyone in years.”
“Like, since high school?” He was only two or three years older than her, presumably. Maybe four if he’s been held back in school or taken a gap year?
“Yeah.” Jesse smiled sadly.
Sophie waited for him to continue. His jaw jumped as if there were more things he wanted to say, but nothing emerged.
“Did people tease you, too?” Sophie asked.
“They stare sometimes. They didn’t tease me. My hometown is so accepting, though.”
“I gotta see this place.”
“Yes! I would love it if you would. I could show you around. I could take you to meet some of my friends.” Jesse’s eyes lit up and his shoulders seemed to relax.
“Cool.”
“Cool. Are we... Did I ruin this?”
“No!”Yes, for a second.
“You’re okay if we keep things... light?”
Not serious. Her heart, just starting to blossom, felt as though someone had crushed it under an unforgiving heel. “Sure. Sure, that’s fine.” Another lie.But what do you want him to say, to do? Rush to declare his undying love? He’s being honest. You should be honest, too.“Actually, not fine. I don’t know what your definition of ‘light’ is.”
He was silent, some internal struggle clear on his face.
“Don’t I get to ask that?” Sophie finally demanded, a little put out.
“You do! My answer just won’t sound great. Light is... light is being with you and not letting you get hurt.”
Well, that was a little presumptuous. “Oh, a heartbreaker? Is that you? Some ladykiller?” Sophie knew her voice was mocking, and she hated herself for it.
Jesse backed up, face tightening. “Never. That’s why I was trying to be upfront. Trying to warn you off, not to... not to expect a lot. I don’t think I can give you what you deserve. Maybe I should just head home.”
Is this a couple’s spat? Are we even a couple? Or is this a break-up? Shit, I told my parents and now they’re going to bring this up for the rest of my life about how I rushed into calling him a boyfriend after only a week and— wait.“What do I deserve?”
