‘When we got home he spoke to me about what changes we would have to make to support your racing and I thought it was unnecessary. The chance of you getting into Alpha One was so small, what would we have for all that investment? And the days got tough after that, Lukas.’
‘I know. I was there. I could see the toll my racing was taking,’ Lukas said softly.
‘I wanted a better life, and I resented your father for not allowing us to have that but I also didn’t want to blame him, because I loved him still, so I blamed you. My son.’ Lukas could see the shame in her drooped shoulders. In the fact she wouldn’t look at him. ‘But I watched you with pride, Lukas. I know it might not seem like it makes sense. I don’t feel like I deserve to have you in my life now when you’re successful.’
‘That’s why you don’t want to see me. Why you’re making it so hard for me to take care of you.’ Lukas wondered then if Katherine would one day face the same barrier with her parents, because just like him, she wanted to take care of them. Make their lives easier.
She understood you.
She hurt me.
Others wrote hurtful and false things about you too. Why was Katherine’s so much worse?
That was a good question. It made him really look at their past, how much attention he’d paid to her, the fact that he tried to make sure her producer knew that him not wanting to talk to her wasnother fault. The fact that he mentioned to Aero that they should hire her. That he paid so much more attention to her articles than anyone else’s. Her articles got under his skin because he had set her apart. He even called her ‘Katherine’ when no one else did.
‘Yes,’ his mother said, startling Lukas out of the reverie he had fallen into. He’d almost forgotten the question he’d asked her. ‘I’m sorry, Lukas.’ She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. The contact felt so alien, so unfamiliar, but he had craved it for so long. ‘Can you ever forgive me?’
‘Yes.’ He didn’t have to think about it because that was the path back to having family in his life. He had no siblings. He was certain it was his fault his mother had chosen never to start another family, because what if they were like him? His father was dead. All he had was his mother and he so desperately wanted her in his life. ‘I forgive you, but do you forgive me?’
‘There’s nothing to forgive. It wasn’t your fault. You’re not selfish. You were just a child with a dream, and you made it come true. I should have supported you. I can’t go back and undo the past but maybe if you let me, I could be at the track today?’
‘I have always wanted that,’ Lukas confessed. A small piece of the scattered puzzle his heart had broken into clicked back into place. The rest remained broken.
‘These scars you carry should not have been yours to bear,liebling. Let the world look at you because they will find a strong, kind, determined man. Katherine saw you and she fell in love with you.’
‘I don’t know if Katherine and I can be together.’ But, good Lord did he want that.
Not letting go of his hand, she brought her other hand up to cup his cheek and gave him a sad, watery smile. ‘Everyone makes mistakes. I’m sure you made them too. You just forgave me after a lifetime of mistakes I made. Maybe you could do the same for her?’ Her tone was gentle.
Maybe he could forgive Katherine. After all, he was excited about this new journey in the sport he so loved. It didn’t matter to him now who was in his seat at his old team. He didn’t care. If someone had asked him what his greatest goal was this weekend, he would say to have two cars finish the race and maybe score a point or two.
‘I want to,’ he confessed to his mother. ‘But…’
‘Lukas, do you love her?’
‘With my soul.’
His mother got off her chair and went to stand beside him. He looked up at her, unable to remember when he last had a memory like it, and then her arms went around him, pressing him to her middle. A hug he had craved after she had left him and his father. So he held on to his mother, taking all the affection she was offering, wondering if it was too good to be true and would all be taken away in the blink of an eye.
‘A love like this isn’t easily found. She’s brave,liebling. She told me things I didn’t want to hear. She brought us together and didn’t want the credit. She’s as determined as you are. From what I can see, as selfless.’
His mother was right. Lukas would never have known Katherine had gone to Salzburg if his mother hadn’t told him. Who did that? Who went out of their way to fix something so broken in someone’s life.
Someone in love.
He let go of his mother almost in a daze.
‘I’m going to go. I can see you have a lot to think about.’
Lukas gave his mother one last hug before walking her to the door. ‘I’ll see you later.’
It was unreal that he was able to say those words. He only could because of Katherine.
‘Definitely.’ His mother smiled and closed the door behind her, leaving him with thoughts only of Katherine. She did love him. She showed him as much at Christmas, with the snowflake, his mother and giving up the column.
She was so afraid of sacrificing her career like her mother did and yet she let her column go for him. She was willing to make changes to accommodate him. Showed him commitment. So why couldn’t they be together? Why couldn’t he trust her?
Love was such a risk to the life she wanted but she told him she loved him.
