As if a light had switched on, Lukas could see how idiotic he was being. He needed to find her. They wouldn’t be miserable together; they were miserable without each other.
He grabbed his keys and rushed out of the room, letting the door slam on their past mistakes. There was a future to fight for.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Lukas stood infront of a closed hotel room door. A quick text to Erin was all it had taken to find out where the Aero TV team was staying. And then he’d run. He’d run down to the street where he saw the back end of a tram disappearing into the distance. He could have taken his car but the only route he knew well was going from the hotel to the track. He never saw much of the city as a driver and was somehow seeing even less now. But from where he stood, he could see part of the building peeking through others…so he kept running until he made it here.
He knocked rapidly at the door and when it opened, a tired, puffy-eyed Katherine answered.
‘Lukas,’ she breathed. Eyes wide as if he was the last person she expected.
‘Is that my…’
She pulled the hem of the shirt, looking down at the white cotton. ‘I found it in my bag after we left Lapland. I wanted to—’ She stopped herself. ‘Do you want it back?’ Her lip trembled.
But Lukas needed to hear what she refused to say. ‘You wanted to…?’
Katherine clenched her jaw and straightened her spine, looking him in the eye. He loved that fire. ‘I wanted to have your scent close to me because I missed you. I still miss you.’
‘I miss you too, Katherine. Can we talk?’ He was very aware that she hadn’t invited him into her room, seeing her bloodshot eyes and red nose it wasn’t hard to guess why.
Katherine didn’t budge. He could see her warring emotions. She still wanted him but his refusal before had hurt. Katherine wasn’t the crying type. She had taught herself to be controlled but he had brought tears to her eyes several times and for that, he would never forgive himself.
‘Please,’ he added.
She stepped aside and in he walked. Her laptop was open on the bed, her phone displaying a thread of texts beside it. Scribbled notes on a writing pad lay on the table. The television was switched on but muted and on the bedside table a small pile of crumpled tissues.
Katherine closed the door and joined him, keeping her distance but he didn’t want that. He reached for her hand and tried to pull her closer, but Katherine would only move so much.
‘You said goodbye, Lukas.’
‘I did but I shouldn’t have. It was an idiotic thing to do when I love you.’
Katherine didn’t say anything. He’d admitted to loving her before but had still pushed her away. This distance was his fault.
‘You were right, I do love you. I never stopped. You’re my first and last thought every day, Katherine. I wake up and look at the snowflake. It’s the last thing I see before I close my eyes. I couldn’t move it. I couldn’t get rid of it. It hurts to see it, because you’re not there, but the thought of losing the one thing that ties me to you hurts so much more.’
‘Dominic said you made him take down the decorations.’ Her eyes welled up again. A tear danced on the edge of her lashes but she was trying not to let it fall. She’d let herself be vulnerable with him and now she was trying so hard not to be. He’d let her keep her guard up if that was what she needed but he would show her that it was okay to let go. That he would let his own barriers down so maybe she would too.
‘I did. I was hurt. I couldn’t enter that room and see the reminders of you. Of a moment when we were happy. But, Katherine, that isn’t close to as happy as we could be. And I want to be happy with you.’
‘But you said—’
‘I hadn’t coped well with seeing you. I still blamed you for everything, but I’ve had time to think and I want to try again.’
Katherine pulled her hand from his and moved to stand by the table. She tried to speak but nothing came out, so she swallowed hard and tried again. ‘What’s changed?’
Everything.
Lukas went to the window. He respected Katherine’s need for space but that didn’t stop him craving her closeness. His body constantly reaching for hers and maybe she felt the same, because even though she didn’t directly look at him, her body still pivoted towards his.
‘My mother came to see me this morning.’ Katherine’s eyes snapped to his. He needed her to see his earnestness. ‘And I realised how much you love me and how much I can trust you. I confided a lot in you that you could have used but you didn’t. Instead, you did the impossible and brought my mother back into my life. I don’t know what you told her, but I can imagine how much you would have had to open up to a stranger to make her listen to you.’ He went to Katherine then, whose tears refused to be controlled any longer, and he kissed the wetness away. ‘That was a long way to go. You could have missed the first race of the season.’
‘I would do it again for you, Lukas.’
‘Katherine,’ he breathed, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks. ‘I may not have liked or agreed with how you went about trying to get rid of the article, but you did try. I didn’t make you feel like you could confide in me about your job. I had a very black and white view on the media—they were the enemy and that drove a wedge between us. So I also have to bear some of the responsibility. It was wrong to put it all on you.’
‘We both made mistakes,’ Katherine said. Lukas didn’t know if she had realised it, but she’d moved closer to him. He couldn’t describe the elation that little movement brought him.
