I’m shaking my head before he’s finished talking. “It’s not. I’ve been feeling this way since we moved.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried.”
“No.” Nathan states firmly, rearing back. “That’s not something I’d forget. You’ve never once said that.” His nostrils flare before he curses under his breath. “What can I do to fix this?” His voice is rushed. Panicked. Unsteady. And I feel bad.Ifeel bad.
“It’s not that easy. There isn’t a quick fix.”
“Therehasto be. I can’t lose you. You said you were happy to move to LA. You said it would be good to get away. I wouldn’t have come—”
“Yes, you would have. Football is your dream, Nathan. It always has been and I wanted this for you. I’ve dreamed ofbeing a football wife. Of being there when you rise to your full potential. To fame. But something changed in me. And now, every time you walk out that door, I’m torn between resentment and guilt. Resentment because you’re leaving me behind, and guilt because I’m happy to see you go.”
“Jesus Christ.” He rakes a hand though his hair and his expression almost breaks me. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” His eyes plead with me to say yes, but I can’t shake the feeling that if I stay, we’re both going to crumble.
“You can give me time.”
“Fuck. You don’t need time. You need to stay so we can work this out.”
“I can’t.”
“Let me fix this? I’ll do anything. I need you by my side.”
My already broken heart shatters as tears coat my eyes. Nathan’s not a bad guy, and I hate doing this to him, but he’s not good for me.
He may be willing to do something now that he knows there’s a problem, but I need someone who puts me first before things fall apart.
Or maybe…I need to be alone. To find myself again.
Nausea consumes me as I lose my breath, the air around me so thick it feels like a knife slicing my throat. And for once, Nathan notices.
“Blair.” He rushes forward, pulling me against him. “Breathe with me. Please.” I take in a few quick breaths but it doesn’t help. “Slowly, Blair. Deep breaths.”
Doing as asked, I breathe in through my nose until my belly fills and release it slowly, feeling my body relax. It only takes a few breaths and my head clears.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime. I always want to be here for you.”
“I know. It kills me to be at this point.”
“I don’t think you want this. You just had a panic attack over it.”
“No. That’s not what that was. I’m scared of starting over. But I still think it’s the right thing to do.”
“Blair, please.”
“I need air. No, I needspace.”
“What kind of space?”
“I’m going to ask Jenna if I can stay with her for a few days. I’ll see how I feel after that.”
“Please don’t do that. I need you, Blair. I—”
“No, you don’t.” I cup his cheek, a soft smile tugging at my lips. “You’ve never needed me. You’ve got your teammates, and you’ve got football. You’ll be okay.”
“Blair.”
