“It’s just a few days.” I wave him off and turn to leave until his next question stops me in my tracks.
“Is it?” he asks, his voice breaking. “Is it reallyjusta few days?”
I pause, his words making me falter. The truth is… “I don’t know. But I can’t figure it out until I’m gone.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Blair
Jenna pouts, her expression pinched as she squeezes my arm. “I’m sorry I have to go, but I’m only filming for a few hours today.” Her mood lifts, and she smiles expectantly.
“Jenna, I told you. I don’t want to get in the way.”
“You’re not.” She rolls her eyes and I appreciate the jokingly flippant response. She’s keeping it light because God knows, I’ve got enough heavy in my life. “I love having you around.”
“Thanks, Jenna.” A sigh escapes me, and a little of that weight lifts from my shoulders. It’s been five days since I walked out on Nathan and I haven’t gone back.
I thought I’d miss him like crazy, but instead, I’m discovering things about the person I’ve become that I didn’t realize. Things I never would have considered normal before.
Like the fact that I seek approval from Jenna whenever I want to put on the TV or listen to music. After cooking us a meal, I asked if there’s anything she wanted me to change the next time I made it. Or if it tasted okay. While I was eating it, knowing full well it tasted fine. Great even.
I’d never noticed the things I did for Nathan, and being here made me understand why I’ve been so desperate to find a new job. My work was the only part of my life he didn’t have a say on. He couldn’t. It had nothing to do with him. Except when he wanted me to stay home.
As scary as it is to process what’s changed in me, or why, the feelings I thought I had aren’t there anymore. The love I once had has shifted and is fading. Fast. I don’t know what to do anymore.
“Hey.” Jenna snaps her fingers in front of my face, shaking her head. “No moping, remember?”
“Yes.” I force a smile, a rushed laugh escaping me. “I won’t mope.” At least I’ll try.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”To try. “In fact, I think I might go for a hike. I want to visit the national forest. Get some fresh air into my lungs.”
“Oh, yeah? Where? Which part?” Jenna’s excitement has my smile widening for real, and for the first time since I left Nathan, I feel a spark of something new.
“I want to walk up to the Mount Wilson Observatory.”
“Ooh, yes. You’ll love that trail. It’s difficult but beautiful.”
“Sounds perfect. If I can get out of my head for long enough to enjoy it.”
“I know you usually like to be at one with nature, but why don’t you listen to music? It could help.” She scrunches her nose and I laugh.
“Good idea. I might do that. Now enough worrying.” I spin her toward the door, walking her forward. “You have to go.”
“What time do you think you’ll be back?” she asks over her shoulder as I continue guiding her toward the exit.
“I’ll leave in the next hour, so maybe four?”
“Great, I’ll make sure I’m home by then.”
“Thank you for this, Jenna.” I pause, letting her go so she can turn around. “I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you.” My eyes bounce around her space, and my chest warms.
“I’d like to think you would have kicked him out.” She smiles comically and my smile falls.
“This isn’t because of him. It’s me.”
“No, babe.” She grabs my arm, giving it a squeeze. “It’s not you at all. You moved here for him, and I’m glad you did, but you’ve been a little bit miserable and he’s done nothing to fix that.”
