It’s about Zane’s parents, it’s about the stupid media frenzy, and it’s about Sierra. How is it that for years no one has mentioned the accident, but Zane appears in my life and now it’s all coming out? I can’t handle this again. I barely survived it the first time.
“Of course this isn’t about the couch.” Nathan steps forward until I shake my head again, making him pause. “You’ve been a little off for days, but I can’t help if you won’t tell me what’s going on.”
Days? Is he kidding me?
“I’vetriedto talk to you.” I let the days comment slide. “Several times. But you’re always too busy. You’re out with the guys, or taking on extra practice and training. While I’m stuck here. Alone. Dealing with the fallout of the accident again. I’d moved on. And now the past is back to mess with me.”
“No, you hadn’t.”
“What?”
“You hadn’t moved on.” He stabs me with a metaphorical knife and I gape. “I’m surprised you’re even telling yourself that. Yes, I’ve been busy. But I’m not blind. Things have changed since you saw Zane again. That’s not the reaction of someone that’s moved on.”
My heart jolts, and for the first time in way too long, I allow myself to feel. To encompass every emotion I’ve been avoiding, letting it all come to the surface, and it’s thick. “You think everything I’m feeling is because of Zane?” I scoff, my expression reflecting the disbelief that I feel.Is it hot in here?I inhale sharply. The air around me is stifling.
“Am I wrong?” he challenges, and I open my mouth to refute but he keeps talking. “You miss him. And while I’ve never liked it, I’ve always understood it. He was your first love. He’s going to leave a mark. But he left and you promised me that door had been permanently closed. But it’s not. It’s wide open again. You haven’t moved on from that part of your life at all, but you should. For your own sake, not mine.”
My brows furrow and a hysterical laugh bursts out of me. “That’s not why I’m hurting. Yes, it was hard seeing Zane again. And confusing. But I’m struggling because none of this feels right. I moved for you, and now I see you less than I ever did. I’m upset because the accident that changed my life is back in the spotlight and you’re not here to help me through it. I’m breaking because Zane’s parents are getting harassed by the media again, and I’m not there when they need me. I’m here.”
“They shouldn’t be your problem, Blair. Zane should be there. He should never have left them to pick up the pieces alone.”
I freeze and my heart sinks as realization hits me. He doesn’t get it. And maybe heneverdid. But he was there for me, and I let myself fall for him.
He was amazing back then. But now… “Of everything I just confessed, the one thing you’re arguing about is the one thing that doesn’t concern you. You’re right, Zane should be there for them. But they’ve always been family to me, and they calledmeasking for support. You know me—I’d never say no to someone asking for help. It’s one of the reasons you fell in love with me, right?”
“It is. But it’s hard to hear about your ex’s parents. It’s—”
“Stop,” I cut him off.Dammit. He still has no clue. “This isn’t about that. Not entirely. I understand that’s hard for you; I do. But that should be the least of your worries because the problem is closer to home. Can’t you feel it?”
“I—”
“Wait. Before you say anything, this has nothing to do with Zane. I’ve been lost since moving here, and I’ve tried talking to you about it, but you brush it off…telling me it takes time. The thing is, I’ve had time. I’ve got nothing but time. I havenothingelse. And instead of being here for me, helping me through it, you’ve been spending your time away.”
“Come on, Blair. You know I’ve been doing that foryou.” He reaches for my hand and for some stupid reason, I let him take it. “It’s going to take time for us both to get settled. That’s all this is. We can’t just pack up and leave. We’re better than that. Change is hard.” He squeezes my hand and smiles sympathetically. “Just you wait... By Christmas you’re going to be wondering why you were so worried in the first place.”
What? “You’re not listening,” I whisper, my chest aching as I finally pull back my hand. What am I still doing here? “This isn’t working.”
“Maybe not now, but it will.”
“No.” I shake my head. “This is bigger than you’re thinking. I need to figure out how I feel.”
“About what?” For the first time, a moment of panic mars Nathan’s features. “About us?”
“Abouteverything.”
“Including Zane.”
“No, Nathan. I told you; this isn’t about him. We haven’t spoken since he was in LA weeks ago. I’m not sitting here questioning my feelings for him; I’m questioning my feelings foryou. I’m questioningus.Our relationship.”
“Blair,” Nathan voice breaks and his crestfallen expression makes me want to take it all back. I want to pull him into my arms and tell him it’s all going to be okay. But I can’t. The tension surrounding us is so thick it’s screaming at me to walk away because staying wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
“I’m scared, Nathan,” I admit, emotion clogging my throat. “I don’t want to lose you. But…” I trail off as my heart tears in two.
“But?”
“Too much has changed between us and I don’t—”
“Fuck.” He shakes his head over and over before looking me in the eyes. Really looking at me. And it makes me wonder if he’s ever truly looked at me before. He must see something in my expression because he steps forward and palms my face, his eyes wide with concern. “I’ll be better,” he promises, staring down at me. “I’ll make sure I’m home more. I’ll help out around the condo. Hell, I’ll buy a new couch. I’ll buy you anything you want. Just please don’t give up on us.Please. You haven’t even given me a chance. This is all coming out of nowhere.”
