“But.”
“Please, Zane.” She glances back, her red swollen eyes completely gutting me. But I can’t let it go. Not now. Something is wrong, and I can’t let her walk away when she’s hurting. For the first time, it hits me how she feels when I refuse to talk about my sister.
My thumping heart lodges in my throat as I sit back on the bed, sinking my head into my hands.
If I expect her to talk…
I take in a breath, my lungs failing to let in any air. Images of the accident play on repeat in my mind, but I try to focus, try to see through the pain.
“I fucking miss her, B,” I finally say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Blair’s movements still, and when I glance up, I find her frozen in place, her hand clasped around the handle of the bathroom door.
“I can’t say orthinkher name because it’s torture to me. Just hearing you say it is like a dagger to my chest. Every day, I have to remember that it’smyfault. That I killed my sister, that I left you when you blamed yourself. That I took the life of an innocent stranger because she happened to be driving along the sameroad when my drunken ass wasn’t paying attention. It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t driving. I fucked up. Every day I think about that accident, but Isurviveit. Because keeping her name off my lips makes it a little less real.”
Blair turns to face me, tears rolling down her face. “I—”
“Wait. Please. I’m almost done.”
She nods and I continue, my throat hoarse with each word grating me from the inside. “S—” I pause, swallowing back my emotions as tears threaten to fall. I can do this. For Blair. “Sierradeserved better than the life I gave her.Youdeserve better. But since you’re here, saying you’ll take me back, I’m going to do everything in my power to do right by you. Even if neither of us like it. And if that means saying her name, so that you’ll share your burden…I’ll say it. Isaidit. But please don’t make me say it again.”
I smile as the first tear falls from my eye and Blair rushes forward, throwing herself into my arms.
After a moment of shock, I fold her into me, holding her tightly as more tears threaten to escape.
“I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through,” she whispers as she gets up and repositions herself beside me, her face downcast, her gaze locked on her hands as she plays with the hem of my tee. “I’m sorry that after all this time, I’m still holding back. I just don’t wantyouhurting anymore.Idon’t want to hurt anymore.”
I lift her face to mine and brush a curl behind her ear, staring into her eyes. “You don’t have to tell me. You don’t everhaveto do anything when it comes to me. But I want to help. Let me share whatever it is you’re holding on to.”
“What if it breaks you?”
“Me?”
“Yes.” Her voice is so soft and delicate that my heart shatters without her having to say what it is.
“I’m here, B. If you want to say it, I’m here.”
There’s a moment of quiet between us and Blair glances away, fresh tears falling as she shakes her head, making me nervous. “I’m so sorry, Zane. So fucking sorry.”
“You have no reason—”
“I lied to Cade because it was better than him knowing the truth.” She pulls away from me, wrapping her arms around herself.
“What’s the truth?” I ask, despite the dread lurking in my chest.
“My first time was with Nathan.”
A sigh escapes me. Thank fuck.Nathan was my first thought. And while I hate the guy, I’d already resigned myself to the fact that they were fucking, though it’s good to know they stopped after we reconnected. “Cade’s overprotective, but I don’t think he would have questioned you for that—”
“I didn’t say when.”
When?
I stiffen beside her. “What does that mean?” The confusion of what she’s about to say has my voice rasping, but I need to know. Why would sleeping with Nathan cause her so much grief. Unless…
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Blair cuts into my thoughts, her panic-stricken expression devastating me.
“What happened?” A thought comes to mind and my stomach sinks. Did he hurt her?No. She wouldn’t have stayed with him if he did.
