Blair smiles at the intensity of my gaze, and I wink until a flicker of something else mars her features.
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
“The sadness that crossed your face.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widen as though she hadn’t meant for me to see it. “It was nothing.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just thinking about my life before you came back into it.”
Fuck. “More specifically, me sleeping around? B, if I could have spent that whole time only fucking you, I would have, but I—”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Thank fuck.” Air rushes from my lungs as I run a hand down my face. “Though you have every right to hate me for that, I should have known you’d come back. I should have—”
“What? Stayed celibate? Let’s not forget I didn’t wait around for you. I don’t fault you for that and never will.”
“Likewise. Though I do wish I’d been your first. I was an idiot back then.” I laugh, expecting Blair to do the same, but her face drops before she schools her features.
“We can’t change the past, but we can make the future better.” She gets up and grabs my T-shirt from the floor, pulling it over her head, and the energy shifts as though someone sucked the happiness right out of it.
“B, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She smiles, but it may as well be invisible since I see right through it, a thought coming to mind.
“Why does Cade think I was your first?”
Blair inhales sharply, and it’s not the response I was expecting, making me regret asking the question. I assumed it was going to lighten the mood. But her expression is anything but light.
Holding my breath, I wait for her to answer. And when her eyes flash to mine, a sheen of water making them glassy, I feel sick.
“Don’t worry,” I rush out, standing to pull her into a hug. “It’s none of my business and—”
“No, it’s not that. I didn’t realize he’d mentioned it to you.”
“He did. He was pissed I hadn’t told him.” I huff out an incredulous laugh and Blair recovers for a beat, rolling her eyes.
“God, he’s nosy sometimes.”
“Sometimes?” I raise a brow, and she lets out a small laugh of her own, her somber mood lifting momentarily.
“Okay, all the time. That’s part of the reason I told him you were my first. But it’s not that big a deal. I’m going to take a shower.”
“Wait.” I reach forward and grab the hem of her tee—mytee—letting go when she flinches. “B, what’s—”
“You know how you can’t say Sierra’s name?” She spins my way, and despite there being no venom in her voice, I rear back again like she slapped me. “You know how it burns to even try whispering it aloud?”
“Yes.” I choke on my simple reply.I can’t even think it.
“Well, this is like that.” Her voice trails off as she turns away, and my body goes numb.What am I missing?
“B—”
“I can’t.”
