Gulping back a lump in my throat, I nod as tears coat my eyes, guilt consuming me. The Zane he describes doesn’t come close to the Zane I know, and I’m struggling to marry them both in my mind.
“Have you tried callinghim?” I ask, and instantly regret not talking to Zane about this. I got caught up in the moment and let my feelings take over. But this situation is important.
“I told you; I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Then what do you want?” I raise my voice and wince. “Sorry, I just woke up. I’m not thinking clearly.”
“Sorry. I forgot you’re in Los Angeles now. It’s early there.”
My guilt thickens, eating away at me. If he’d said California then I would have been fine. I’m still in California, but I’m not in LA. I’m in San Francisco, with the son he seems to despise.
“It’s okay. How can I help?”
“I think Fiona would just love to see your face. To talk about Sierra with her friend. To have a moment of light in her otherwise gray world.”
Oh. Shit. “I’d love that,” I say through a forced grin, thankful he can’t see me. “We could do a video call?”
“You’re not coming here? It’s your dad’s birthday next week and—”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“I understand. Well, we’d love to have you over. But if not, a video call would be great.”
“I’ll let you know. Please send my love to Fiona.”
“I will.”
He hangs up and I fall back onto the pillows, groaning. I’ve always ended these calls emotionally drained, but it usually comes with built-up anger toward Zane. Now that I’m spending time with him, I can’t help but question if I’m seeing the full picture. I can’t imaginethisZane abandoning his parents like that. It was okay to believe that when I didn’t know the man he’d become, but now…my guilt shifts from his parents to him, and an uncomfortable feeling settles in my chest. All this time, I made assumptions without getting his side of the story. It’s time I found out.
After finally dragging myself out of bed, I strip my pajamas off and step under the cosmic waterfall shower, letting the hot water run over me, washing away the tension caused by Zane’s dad. But no sooner have my muscles relaxed than a new life issue springs to mind, one I can’t put off any longer.
The job at Heartwood U.
As reluctant as I am to admit it, the job is like a dream come true. And now that Nathan and I have split up, there’s really no reason for me to hold myself back from any opportunity that presents itself. I came to that conclusion when my pros list heavily outweighed the cons. And yet, I haven’t made the call. Because that one blaring con is the one thing that’s stopping me.
What if it doesn’t work out with Zane?
Ending things with Zane last time almost destroyed me. But as much as it pained me to watch him leave, it was easier to believe I could move on when he wasn’t in my face.
Heartwood and San Francisco are an hour apart. Lucy is the sister of Zane’s teammate. If things end badly between us, thatconstant reminder would always be there. And if I’m honest with myself, I’m worried I won’t survive it.
I stand under the jets for longer than I should, and it’s not until my skin starts to prune that I finally switch off the tap.
If Zane and I do make a go of it, and it doesn’t work out, I’d be shattered. But if it does work out, having a job that I love would be incredibly fulfilling.
Not to mention, it’s part time, so I’d get a chance to consider writing again.
My heart jolts at the thought. I haven’t allowed myself to dream like that since before the accident.Is it possible to have it all?
My mouth quirks into a smile of its own accord as a fresh ball of energy works its way into my chest.
Fucking Zane. I laugh to myself. How dare he have me believing again.
I towel off quickly and throw on my workout gear, grabbing my phone before I change my mind.
Then without wasting another second, I call Lucy, my breath caught in my throat as I wait for her to answer.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
