I laugh at his attempt to restart the day, but a little part of me swoons.
“Your alarm woke me just now.” I play along, smiling up at him as he hovers above me, careful not to touch me, now that we’re out of our overnight bubble.
“Did you sleep well?” he asks, always putting his concern for me ahead of everything else.
“I did. You?”
“Never better. I had this dream about a curly-haired goddess sharing my bed, and the feel of her tucked in beside me seemedto have a drugging effect. The good kind. The kind that gives you a peaceful night’s sleep.”
He chuckles to himself, but there’s a moment of sadness to it before he hides it away.
“How often do you have trouble sleeping?” I lift to my elbows and Zane sits back on his heels, putting some space between us.
“Most nights,” he rasps, clearing his throat before continuing on. “It’s been that way since…” He trails off and I wish more than anything that I knew how to comfort him. The problem is, I suffer the same fate.
It doesn’t escape me that I had the best sleep inyearslast night too.
“Have you spoken to anyone about it, about…” I trail off myself, stopping short of mentioning Sierra’s name. He’s opening up, and I don’t want him to shut down again.
“I have and they’ve prescribed a million things, but I don’t want to put anything in my body that doesn’t come from the team doctors, and while I’m at peak performance, they have no reason to question me.”
“But are you…playing at peak performance? Maybe the extra sleep would take you to the next level.” I grimace because I hate talking to him like I know what’s best, but I also want him to have what’s best.
Zane smiles, lifting his hand toward my cheek, and my breath hitches as a heated energy fills the room. With a pounding heart, I anticipate his affectionate touch, but before he’s made contact, his alarm goes off again, and he curses out loud.
“Fuck. Sorry.”
“That’s okay. You have to go. I know that.”
“I do, but God, I don’t want to.”
“I’ll be here when you get back,” I offer and his eyes light up.
“Thank you. Sometimes I think this is all a dream and you’re going to disappear out of my life again.” He smiles, squeezing myarm as he gets up, as though making sure I truly exist. Turning away, I swear he mumbles something about not being able to suffer another great loss, and a weight settles on my heart. It’s not hard to figure out what he means. We’re both mourning so much, but I sometimes forget Zane lost a hell of a lot more than I did. Sierra wasn’t just his sister. They were best friends, a team, and that’s not something you can easily get over.
Zane disappears through the closet, and a few seconds later the shower turns on.
While I wait for him to get ready, I lie back down, pulling the sheet tightly around me, snuggling into his side of the bed. I breathe in his scent, my mind drifting to a life that could have been, a life I’ve never let myself entertain. But with Zane in the next room, it’s closer than ever.
I will never get over what happened to Sierra, or my part in it, but I can’t help wondering… Could I truly be happy again?
I’m not sure how much time passes before I feel movement beside me and Zane kisses my head, his whispered goodbye floating into my subconscious. I smile and stretch, ready to force myself up, but the next thing I know, I’m startled awake, my nineties ringtone snapping me to attention.
“Hello?” I answer groggily. I must have fallen back to sleep.
“Blair, it’s Ron. Fitzpatrick.” I sit up, my body jumping off the bed.
“Hi, Ron.” Despite the fact that I’ve known him all my life, Ron announces his full name every time he calls. I used to find it amusing, but today, the mention of Zane’s last name makes my skin prickle. “How are you?”
“Not great. I’m guessing the news has died down in LA because you haven’t checked in for a while. Here, it’s still very present, and Fiona’s terrified they’re going to release her name. That Sierra’s going to be thrust into the headlines.”
My stomach knots but I rush to reassure him. “She was underage at the time and was never charged. Zane was never charged either. They have no reason to mention her name. If anything, we should be worried about him.”
“Zane?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to talk about him. Do you know how long it’s been since he called us? Years, Blair. For all our sanity, it’s best if we try not to think about him. We’re lucky we’ve got each other.”
