As I laid beside him, my heart was skittering in my chest, holding Jack again seemed like a fever dream. His arm was over my chest, just like we always ended up after sex. Like nothing had changed between us.
“That was fucking intense, sweetheart,” I whispered against his temple, trying not to sob in his arms.
“I love you, Perrin,” Jack said, quietly.
“I know,” I said, and I held him close. “I love you, Jack.”
“I have to go before long, P,” he said, turning up to me, and I pulled him halfway on top of me, the way I loved, feeling the warmth that only came with being next to Jack.
We kissed for a long time, just enjoying the sensation of touching, feeling, and kissing. It didn’t take much for either of us to want one another again.
“How long?” I asked, pulling away from his kiss, but only slightly.
“Long enough for more,” he said, running a hand into my hair, and pulling my face back to his. He was right. We couldn’t talk, not yet, but we could do what we always did when we couldn’t use words and let our bodies say all that needed to be said.
We touched each other in all the ways we could think to make each other come, and then we kissed until either of us were ready to do it again. It wouldn’t take much, the right words whispered against a mouth, a mouth finding the right place on the other’s body, the body being teased justsoby knowing hands - but it all ended the same way, gasping for each other, trying to be connected, and allowing me to remember what was real. I knew when it was the end of this time together, because I could tell by the way Jack’s kisses changed.
“Please sleep now, Perrin,” Jack said, although he looked as tired as I did. He had already slipped on his clothes, and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Jack,” I grabbed his hand before he could go, pulling him down and sitting up beside him. I ran a hand along his face, pressing my forehead to his. “No matter what, I love you. Tell me you know?” I asked, pulling one more kiss from his lips.
“I know, P. Stay safe, and come back to me,” Jack said. “You are mine, Perrin.” Then, he was pulling away from me, and I watched him leave, listening until I heard the door close.
Jack
Another week, and I was checking in with Bishop at the conference room. My brothers came by the office every now and then, even making friends with Bishop, but I think that was mostly because they felt Bishop was good for me. I hated lying to them, but them thinking I was helping the EPA with a project that involved Mann properties was as close as I could safely get to the truth. There had still been attempts to get me to Mann Sunday dinner, but I had now refused until Perrin was there with me.
So, they did the best to love me through it although I pushed away from them, and they believed me when I said that getting the EPA project completed was helping me focus. Since they believed me, being there for me included keeping Bishop’s staff very well fed and situated. Something for which Bishop had thanked me for aboutamillion times.
“Hospitality is the Mann and Bear Valley love language,” I explained. “They really do still think you are the EPA, though,” I had told him weeks ago when it all started. I knew he would worry if he thought for a moment I had let on to anyone about who he really was and what they were really doing.
“I’m from Denver, so it’s not such a stretch for me to be away from home,” he explained. “But, this operation has people from all over the country. Makes our job easier to feel at home like this.”
“Just get him back,” was all I said.
The other man at the table everyone called Minn, but I wasn’t sure if that was a nickname. He was a profiler, and Bishop had explained to me the fact that he was there meant things were coming to a head, or at least they thought so.
One development was that Holden was still begging Bannon to put him on the schedule with Perrin, his patience starting to fray that Bannon wouldn’t, giving one excuse after another. Holden kept confiding things in Perrin, trying torevivethe emotional connection, and that included telling Perrin things that were not true. The hardest was watching Holden touch Perrin; that was the worst for me because I could see the struggle Perrin had with every touch. But yesterday, Holden took whatMinncalled a significant step.
Last night, Perrin was in the locker room, putting up his items, about to change out of scrubs, when Holden came in with a chart in hand. Bishop’s men had the audio live in a moment, and we could hear Holden telling Perrin how Perrin had missed something with a patient, and then brought up another patient from earlier that day, and told Perrin their condition was no longer stable. Neither of those things were true.Minnsaw the lies as escalation - some new vulnerability he thought he had with Perrin. A sign that Perrin was doing what he needed to do, no matter how it twisted my gut.
Holden had done this before, even altered one chart we knew of, in an attempt to undermine Perrin’s confidence. He would correct Perrin constantly also about his work, about things that Perrin was not incorrect about.
I would like to say it wasn’t working, but Bannon himself was starting to be concerned about Perrin’s ability to believe what Holden was saying enough to convince Holden of it, but also retain that part of his own mind that knew what he was doing in theOR. Perrin had come to Bannon a day ago, making the Chief swear not to let him hurt a patient, Bishop told me. I could tell by the way Bishop delivered the story that Perrin had not been in good shape when the request was made to Bannon. Perrin needed this to be over, and soon.
Bishop had brought in Sally, another anesthesiologist, to monitor the situation, and consult on when, if ever, Holden’s accusations were correct, or if Perrin was any danger to patients. So far, so good, and Bishop retained the real or unaltered medical charts to back that up. Bannon slowly started moving Perrin to more outpatient and local anesthesia work, rather than him putting patients under full general anesthesia.
It was interesting to watch Bishop work. Slowly over the weeks and now months, I had watched him slip the noose tighter and tighter around Holden, gathering every scrap of evidence and information with precision. It took a lot out of him, but Bishop was never one to complain and true to his word, he kept me in the loop.
Last night I had watched as Holden drilled right into Perrin’s eyes.
“This is why you need to be in there with me, Perrin. I can protect you from mistakes like this.” Holden had said.
Bishop looked at me as he replayed the scene to let me in on what was happening, and I could tell he thought it was significant that Holden was going so far.
Perrin seemed different after our brief night together, able to push Holden’s buttons a little more, maybe. And Holden was buying Perrin’s slow entanglement back with him.
“I - I don’t know, Holden,” Perrin had said back to Holden, his voice even convincing to me as I heard it in the conference room. “Remember?” Perrin shook his head then. “Never mind.”
