Maybe, if we’d never spent the night with Law, things would have been different. If I’d never felt the heat of his naked body against mine, never had the chance to lick Gabi’s juices directly off his tongue, I could have pretended I didn’t need him the way I needed her. But all those things had happened and now I knew Law had been right about me from the start. We were alike, he and I. There were three parts to my whole.
I couldn’t talk to Gabi about any of this. She hadn’t brought up Law’s name since the day we came home from the wedding. I didn’t want to push her into deciding, and I worried she might misinterpret my feelings. She might think she wasn’t enough for me. How did I explain that was both true and untrue at the same time?
Spending these few weeks with Gabi had been like a dream come true. Every time I slid into the heat of her body, every time I claimed her with my mouth and hands, made her call my name as she came, I felt the rightness of it. I never wanted it to end. So, I kept my mouth shut and looked for other places to direct my focus.
Unfortunately, work had become scarce since I’d returned home, due to my refusal to travel more than a few hours’ drive out of Brisbane, and my agency’s refusal to reduce my fee. The travel limitation had been necessary in those first months. After years of running myself ragged circling the globe, I’d been suffering the kind of physical and mental exhaustion that couldn’t be cured by a weekend lie in. With time, I’d recovered my stamina, but my reluctance to travel too far from home, and Gabi, had yet to budge.
With little else to do with my time, my mind wandered in only one direction. Food. I’d taken over the cooking at home, preparing every meal from scratch. At first it had seemed like a simple, productive way to use some of my free time. But in these last few weeks, I’d dramatically increased the amount of time I spent planning each meal and sourcing the ingredients. I’d returned to calculating nutrient ratios and finding ways to reduce my intake of any food not in line with the strict nutritional requirements I’d relied on for years. I told myself it wasn’t about control. I was doing all this to keep busy, not because obsession had become my natural response to stress. I was lying to myself, I was lying to Gabi, and I had no idea how to make it stop.
Entering the apartment, I dropped my gym bag on the floor in front of the kitchen counter before grabbing a drink of water. Gabi swept out of her bedroom, our bedroom now, with a wide grin on her face. “You’re home.”
“As are you,” I said with surprise. “You’re early today.”
“I don’t have any clients this afternoon and all my work is caught up, so I thought I’d give myself the afternoon off.” The excitement evident in her eyes went way beyond a few hours of free time, but when she changed the subject, I didn’t push. “How was the gym?”
“Tiring.” Three hours was too long. I’d told myself to leave after the first hour and a half. Ignoring my own instincts, I’d pushed harder, not stopping until I noticed the sun on the verge of setting through the windows. Another warning bell had sounded, barely noticeable in the din crowding my brain.
“You poor thing.” Gabi came forward, taking hold of my hand and tugging me towards the bathroom. “You need some pampering to make you feel better. Then, I have a surprise for you.”
I had no idea what she’d planned, but her playfulness distracted me from my dreary thoughts, and I found myself following her like an obedient puppy.
Once we reached the bathroom, she turned on the water and stripped us both naked before pulling me under the hot stream. I closed my eyes, releasing a low groan as she covered me in soap suds, her hands rubbing and kneading my sore muscles until I was putty in her hands. When she wrapped her lips around my freshly hardened cock, my head fell back in pleasure. My fingers tangled in her hair, holding her gently in place as my hips rocked into her wet mouth. She hummed around my length, one of her hands fondling and tugging at my balls while the other teased my crease. I shuddered against her, widening my stance a fraction to give her better access, and she found my hole with one fingertip. I lost myself to the sensations of her mouth and hands. My balls drew up tight, preparing to release down her throat and I gave a guttural moan as I began to come. Gabi’s sweet, strong mouth sucked me dry, her tongue circling my length until there was nothing left to capture.
When she rose back to her feet, I dragged her mouth to mine, pushing her back against the tiled wall. One hand caught her chin, so she couldn’t escape my mouth, the other dived between her legs to find her slick with arousal. I kissed her hard and deep, pretending I could taste Law’s pleasure on her tongue, instead of my own.
No.Pushing those thoughts aside, I tightened my hold on the woman in my arms. I couldn’t bring Law into this, not even mentally. I wanted to concentrate on her, be faithful to her, feel her bucking and coming in the palm of my hand.
“You’re so beautiful,” I rasped against her mouth, my fingers teasing, sliding between her labia but avoiding penetration when she squirmed against me. “I love you so much.”
Gazing at me with heavy-lidded eyes, she licked her parted lips with such slow exaggeration I had to lean in, sucking that teasing tongue into my mouth. When I finally let her go, she whispered, “Connor, baby, love my clitoris the way you love the rest of me.”
With a wicked smile, I sank to my knees and did as instructed. Her juices coated my tongue as I lapped at her. I looked up to see her playing with her breasts, tugging on her own distended nipples and biting down on her bottom lip. Slipping the tip of my tongue between her swollen lips, I flicked it up towards her clit. She gasped, one hand landing on the back of my head. I lifted my right hand up to her now neglected breast, enjoying the way her chest heaved with excitement as my fingers circled her nipple. My other hand found its way between her legs, fingers sliding into her tight, slick vagina while my tongue teased her clit. She shuddered, hissing in a breath before curling her hips forward in encouragement. A satisfied grin curved my mouth as I continued to taunt her with my lips and tongue and fingers. When she came, her beauty was ecstatic. She flooded my tongue with nectar, and I drank deep, thrusting my tongue inside her in my quest for every drop. Finally, her knees buckled, and she slid down into my lap. We started to laugh, our arms wrapped around each other, mouths meeting in sloppy, come-flavoured kisses.
Witnessing her joy, I knew I could never reveal how deeply my need to include Law in our lives ran. I couldn’t bear to hurt her, not when I’d only just begun learning how to make her happy. Her happiness was more important to me than my own.
“Thank you for my surprise,” I murmured.
“Oh, that wasn’t the surprise,” she replied, a secretive smile playing over her lips. “That was my way of saying welcome home.”
* * *
It wasn’t until we dressed and came back out to the living area that I noticed the smell coming from a large pot simmering on the stove.
With a gasp, Gabi rushed over there, carefully stirring the contents with a large wooden spoon before heaving a sigh of relief. “Not burnt,” she said, with a light laugh. “Phew.”
I tried not to panic as I took a seat at the kitchen counter. “What are you making?” It smelled good, way too good to meet my current dietary restrictions.
“It’s my grandmother’s Irish stew.” Smiling, Gabi grabbed a couple of glasses from the cupboard before taking a bottle of shiraz from the pantry and cracking it open. “You’ve been doing so much of the cooking, I wanted to return the favour. It’s been bubbling away all afternoon. By the time we eat it will literally melt in your mouth.” She poured a glass of the wine and offered it to me. When I shook my head, she shrugged and took a sip before humming in appreciation.
Tugging on my bottom lip, I tried to figure out how to approach the situation. Asking to see the recipe wouldn’t be weird. But when I started asking questions about what cut of beef she’d used, and which store the vegetables had come from, she’d know how badly I was regressing.
I had to eat whatever she put in front of me, even if I had to choke down every bite. But how the hell could I eat an entire meal when I didn’t even know what the hell was in it?
What had Gabi been thinking? Cooking random meals for me when she knew I could be called to work a job on short notice. I could be fired on the spot if I showed up looking less than perfect. Did she want me to fail?
I wanted to do something nice for my boyfriend, you selfish bastard!Niccolò’s voice resounded in my head—heavy with anger and disappointment.You ruin everything!
How many times had I refused to eat something he’d made for me? How many times had I claimed he wanted to sabotage my career? As our relationship deteriorated, I’d even accused him of trying to make me sick by poisoning me with unhealthy food, and I’d believed it! I’d been so busy drowning in my own righteousness, I couldn’t see how destructive my thoughts had become. Now I’d gained some distance, some perspective, I could see the truth. It hadn’t only been my disordered eating that drove Nico away. It was the ugly, narcissistic arsehole I’d become in order to protect it.
