I’d hurt myself, and a man who’d tried to love me. I’d pushed away my family, Gabi, and anyone else who would have cared enough to try to stop me if they found out what I’d been doing. I’d isolated myself until there was no one left but me and my disorder. For what? To be the face of some product I’d never used, or a clothing label I didn’t like to wear? Did I want to be voted World’s Sexiest Man for the third time? The title wasn’t worth the glossy paper it was printed on.
The day I left home, I’d been so desperate to prove myself, to prove I could win the kind of confidence Law seemed born with. Except, where his had always come from within, I’d sought mine through the approval of a public who didn’t even call me by my real name. I hadn’t cared at the time. The symmetry of my face made the illusion of self-worth easier to maintain. Over time, my false confidence became more important to me than being honest with myself about who I’d become and what I really needed. It had taken a physical breakdown to force me to face the truth.
Now, I’d been granted a second chance at life, and at love. Did I really want to repeat those same mistakes? Knowing, as I did now, hurting myself would only hurt Gabi in the end?
I watched the woman I loved move about the kitchen, stirring her pot and sipping her wine. She’d loved me my whole life, the real me with all my flaws and messiness. She’d come home from work early to surprise me with a blow job and a home-cooked meal. The panic flooding me now had nothing to do with the ingredients she used or where they came from, not really. The true fear came from someplace deeper, where the thought of being honest with her about what I wanted from my life terrified me. I didn’t want to lose her, but I also didn’t want to continue lying. She deserved my honesty, and maybe I deserved it, too.
“Gabs,” I said in a small voice, not sure how to start. “I need to talk to you about something.”
Putting down her glass, she covered my hands with one of her own. “What is it?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened at the wedding… with Law.”
The movement of her thumb on my hand stopped. “What have you been thinking exactly?”
“Several things.” Freeing one of my hands, I stole her glass of wine and took a generous gulp. Being honest was really goddamn scary. “Firstly, the idea you had about reality not living up to expectations turned out to be a total bust. That night was…”
“Everything you ever dreamed it would be with whipped cream and sprinkles on top?” she suggested.
I made a vague utterance of agreement as a dozen memories flickered across my visual field. My cock remembered them, too, and it perked up at the mental slide show. Clearing my throat, I nodded. “Yes, exactly.”
Gabi lifted the wine glass from my hand so she could take a sip before licking her lips. “What’s the second thing?”
Swallowing hard, I looked her dead in the eye. “The idea one night together would somehow purge Law from our systems so we could ride off into the sunset free of him is also false… at least for me.” I watched her closely, waiting for her reaction. “How do you feel about that?”
She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the edge of the counter. “I have to say, Connor, I’m terribly jealous.” The words would have broken me, if it wasn’t for the teasing lightness she used when she said them. “I have half a mind to drag Law over here and spank him for capturing so much of your attention.” She winked before adding, “I may have to spank you as well, for good measure.”
My mouth dropped open. Had she gotten into the wine before I came home, and I hadn’t realised it? “Gabi, I’m being serious here.”
“I’m serious, too. I think your butt would look sexy all pink from my hand.” After another sip, she put the glass down. “I’m sure Law would be happy to kiss it better.” My total befuddlement must have earned her sympathy, because she reached for my hands again, giving me a reassuring smile. “Connor, babe, I’m not jealous of your feelings for Law. How can I be,” she added, “when I feel the same way?” I met her gaze and saw only love and acceptance in the brown depths.
“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” I told her, relief flooding my body. “I worried if I told you, it would stuff up what we have with each other and, honestly, I kind of like us.”
A tender expression appeared on her face as she nodded. “Me too.”
I paused, preparing to lay my heart out before her, for better or worse. “Gabi, the truth is, I’m in love with you and I want to be with you, but I also want to be with Law. I need both of you to be truly happy.” Though I watched her carefully, I saw no disappointment, no anger. It gave me the courage to keep going. “I saw the way you and Law were together. There’s no way those feelings were exhausted in one night.”
She huffed out a laugh. “I’m pretty sure between the three of us we have enough feelings to last a lifetime.” Her gaze dropped to our entwined fingers and she bit down on her bottom lip, as if she’d accepted our new reality but wasn’t entirely sure if she should be happy about it.
“What do you want to do about all this?” I asked, hope expanding in my belly.
“Well, I know I don’t want to pretend Law isn’t a part of this relationship anymore, because we cemented his place beside us when we had sex with him. Hell, we invited him to be a part of our first kiss. He’s all caught up with us, whether we like it or not.”
“You don’t like it?” I asked, concerned by the fatalistic attitude she’d taken. As if fate had forced her into this, rather than her choosing it for herself.
She hadn’t yet answered, when a knock sounded at the door. “Maybe you should answer that.” A flash of excitement brightened her eyes and tugged at the corners of her lips.
Hope slammed into my chest, leaving me breathless. “Gabi,” I rasped. “Who is it?”
“Your surprise,” she whispered.
A sound of wonder and relief escaped me as I leapt up to throw open the door. Law stood on the other side, drinking me in with thirsty, but uncertain, eyes.
“Hey,” he said in a rush of breath. “I got a text from Gabi asking me to come over. Is everything all right?”
I threw myself against him, arms around neck, mouth against surprised mouth. “It is now,” I told him, refusing to separate my lips from his, even as I spoke.
Gabi’s husky laughter filtered through the air as I grabbed on to the front of Law’s shirt and dragged him inside, swinging the door closed behind him.
