“I’m thinking maybe you could do with one of these,” I said, sliding my arms around his waist as I drew him into a hug. He only hesitated a moment before returning the embrace, his arms coming around me with infinite care. We stayed there for a long time, with me snuggled in to the warmth of his chest as we swayed gently from side to side.
“Gabi,” he said finally, pulling away to gaze down at me. “I need to say this now, before it eats me alive.” Sadness coloured his words, and perhaps… resignation? “I know you loved Law first, and I know those feelings never really went away, for either of you. I won’t blame you, or think badly of you, if he’s the one you want, and I won’t stand in your way.” He swallowed hard, his eyes closing briefly. “I never thought I’d say this. I’d planned to fight for you until forever became a distant memory, but now… It’s like Law said, I love you too much to deny you anything you want.”
My gut clenched as I stepped out of the circle of his arms. “What about us?” I asked, surprised he would make such a suggestion after all we’d gone through to be together. “We’ve barely even begun and you’re giving up on us already?” He actually had the nerve to look baffled. Honestly, the man didn’t have a clue. “How do you imagine that would work, Connor? Would we go back to being friends? Because if that wasn’t bullshit before, it certainly would be now.” I flinched as another thought occurred. “Or are you planning to disappear on me again?”
He looked away. “If that’s what I have to do for you to be happy, then yes.”
“How generous of you,” I retorted, throwing my hands in the air. “Have you ever considered perhapsyoumake me happy?” No matter what else was going on, that one statement remained absolutely true. Simply being around him, knowing he would be there when I came home at night, made my days brighter. “Maybe you can walk away from us so easily, but I can’t.” Reaching out to cup his face, I stared deep into his eyes. “I can’t imagine going back to not touching you, not kissing you.” Lifting onto my tiptoes, I placed a light kiss on his lips. His hands took hold of my wrists as his mouth moved against mine. “I want to be with you, Connor,” I whispered. “I love you.”
Blue eyes snapped open, his fingers tightening around my wrists. “Say it again.”
Smiling up at him, I gave him what he wanted—easily and without hesitation. “I love you, Connor. This thing with Law, whatever it is, doesn’t change what’s happening between us. I want you.”
“You have me,” he said, touching his forehead to mine. “Do you want him, too? Are there three parts to us, Gabi?”
On the surface, it seemed like a simple enough question. Three parts could make a whole as easily as two. We would hardly be the first people to find ourselves in such a situation. Yet, it wasn’t a concept I’d considered for myself before. Unless I counted the realm of sexual fantasies and erotic dreams—which I didn’t. The idea of contemplating such a drastic change to how I’d always assumed I would live my life was more than I could handle without sleep.
“The only thing I want right now is a nap,” I said, tugging Connor in the direction of my bedroom. “Care to join me?”
He nodded and we kicked off our shoes and climbed onto the bed. Facing each other, we came together in a tangle of limbs. His arm wrapped around my waist as he nuzzled my collarbone. One thigh slid between my knees, and I lifted one of my legs over his hip, revelling in the easy way we seemed to fit together. Once we were comfortable, I closed my eyes, releasing a sigh of almost complete contentment. Almost. There was a palpable absence of warmth at my back, a missing piece to this puzzle of body parts, and I shivered as goose bumps sprang to life there.
Pushing the troublesome thoughts away, I allowed myself to tumble into sleep.
* * *
A couple of weeks later, I sat working in the backroom of the studio when the familiar bing of a new text message caught my attention. Muttering a curse, I glanced at my phone on the desk beside me. After hours of solid work, I’d come so close to finishing the administrative work I’d neglected in the lead-up to the wedding. I could practically taste the professional satisfaction waiting for me on the other side. With a sigh, I rejected my computer mouse in favour of checking my phone. I may have been digital addiction’s loyal bitch, but at least I could admit it.
The text came from my aunt.This picture was so lovely I had to make sure you got a copy, it read.Congratulations on snagging such a handsome beau.She’d attached the photo she’d taken of me with Connor and Law outside the chapel after the wedding ceremony.
Connor was the beau she referred to, of course, but in truth either of the two men could have been considered mine at that moment. Pride fluttered in my stomach at the thought—congratulations, indeed. My aunt, like the rest of my family, was oblivious to my current situation. But if I made the decision to open my relationship with Connor to include Law, they would all find out eventually. I had no idea how they would react.
Which brought me back to the question I’d been asking myself every day—and each agonising night. Did I want to invite Law back into my life, and my heart, on a potentially permanent basis?
I knew without a doubt I wanted to continue my relationship with Connor. Our transition from friends to lovers had been seamless, natural. In some ways we were getting to know each other all over again, but each time we made love the bonds between us strengthened. Being with Connor made me happy. Being with me made him happy. And yet…
Something was missing.
Someone.
Lawrence.
And I wasn’t the only one who felt it.
Connor never said anything. I’d asked for time and he was giving it to me without question. But I could sense the lingering sadness in him. I knew what he wanted. It was the same thing Law wanted. If I was honest with myself, if I cut away the shackles of fear and societal expectations, maybe I could admit I wanted it too.
It scared me, though. Most new relationships quickly failed, even when there were only two people involved. Developing a long-term, loving relationship between all three of us would require a delicate balance I couldn’t even begin to comprehend, despite the depth of the feelings we already shared. We may have managed it for a single night—during multiple bouts of admittedly glorious sex—but everyday life would be totally different.
Gazing down at the photo, I couldn’t help but smile at the way the three of us had leaned in to each other, our arms interlinked, as if we were a single unit. Taken within hours of our first kiss, we looked so relaxed and happy together. That feeling, of the three of us as one, could it last? No answers could be found in our smiling faces, there were no guarantees to be had. But seeing us that way made me realise one thing. I wanted it to last.
I didn’t have to make a decision in the end. I only needed to admit the truth of what I felt every time the three of us were together. I was already in a relationship with two men, and they were in a relationship with each other. My continued refusal to accept the truth was hurting all of us. I wanted to set things right.
TWENTY-TWO
______
CONNOR
I was missing a limb. That’s how it felt. I didn’t look any different. I seemed whole. But I didn’t feel whole, even with the woman of my literal dreams by my side.
