“She watches most of the lectures online anyway,” he said as he massaged the sole of Harrison’s foot. “She won’t miss anything important.”
“Why would you do that?”
Jeremy shrugged. Wasn’t it obvious? “So I can spend more time here with you.”
Harrison pulled his foot away. “But you need to go to work. You have a business to run.”
“It would only be a couple more days.” He didn’t see why this was a big deal.Fandomwasn’t going to go bust if he took a couple of days off. He used to do it when Aaron needed him.
“And then what?” Harrison asked, pushing himself further back into the corner of the couch. “I’m not going to be better in a couple of days. It’ll take weeks to get back to something even remotely resembling normal. Are you planning to hover over me the entire time, ignoring your life and your responsibilities?”
Eyebrows lifting, Jeremy drew his head back. “Is that what you think I’ve been doing all weekend? Hovering over you?”
“It’s starting to feel that way.” Harrison pushed up from the couch, his breath coming in rapid bursts. “You keep doing everything for me, whether I want you to or not. And you ask me if I need anything—over and over. As if my sanity is something you can fetch from the next room if only I could remember where I left it.” His voice was rising and his breathing came hard and fast. He looked like he was on the verge of panic. “You can’tmakeme better, Jeremy. Only I can do that, in my own way and at my own pace. So please, stop trying to force it and give me some space.”
Space? “But Aaron never wanted space.” The words were out of his mouth before Jeremy had a chance to think them through.
Harrison’s expression shut down and he fell backward a step. The air between them became thick with distaste. “Whatever it is you got from that man,” he bit out, his voice low in its fury, “whatever kept you bound to him for so long, you are not going to get it from me.”
“I didn’t mean…” Jeremy stopped talking. He didn’t know what to say. His head was a fucking mess. “I’m trying to understand—”
“Understand this.” Harrison bit out, his tone harsh. “I do not need you the way he did, and I never will. I am stronger than he was. Do noteverhurt yourself and claim you’re doing it out of love for me.” He backed up, his voice shaking. “I have my own burdens. I’m not about to carry yours.”
Jeremy watched, helpless, as Harrison stalked back into the bedroom, slamming the door closed behind him. For a long moment Jeremy sat there, his mouth hanging open.
Can I get you anything?It had seemed like a reasonable enough question to him. How many times had he asked? The more he thought about it, the more reluctant he became to start counting, for fear of how high the number would climb. Had he really been trying to force Harrison to get better?
He couldn’t deny there was a part of him that had spent the last two days congratulating himself on how easily he’d managed tobe therefor Harrison without getting in the way of whatever he needed to do. It may even have been true at first. It hadn’t taken long though, for him to slip into old patterns of behaviour. Showing his lover extra attention and attempting to cater to his every need. Only Harrison wasn’t Aaron and those old behaviours weren’t welcome here. He should have learnt that lesson by now.
Moving around the room, Jeremy collected his wallet and keys from the sideboard, his backpack from its usual spot beside the front door. Pulling a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from his pack, he changed into them. Then, he thrust his feet into some shoes, and headed out to his car. He didn’t want to leave, but he suddenly found himself needing some of what Harrison had so bluntly asked for: space.
