“The redhead,” Maya agreed.
And though she could feel unconsciousness thankfully coming for her, it was not before her hot tears begin to fall.
25
LILY
Lily hated how because of humidity, Florida was always hot, even in the mornings. She took a deep breath, the smell of chlorine stinging her nose. She was resting her head, face down, on the side of the pool. The concrete was not as cool as she’d like, baking under the glass of the pool enclosure. But you know, alligators.
The water was cool though and was doing everything to settle her weariness. She knew it was a sign of her nerves, and Hanna’s impending hangover, that she’d woken up before both women. They’d gotten Hanna in bed and settled, both scooting in on either side of her. Lily had noticed then that what she originally assumed was sweat had been tears on Hanna’s face.
They’d gone to sleep, she and Maya, wrapping themselves around Hanna. But like before, when she awoke, Lily was off to the side, and Maya and Hanna were curled together. She showered, threw on a sports bra and underwear, and drank her weight in water before deciding the pool was a great idea. She hadn’t been wrong. She needed a moment to think, to collect herself. To give Maya and Hanna whatever fucking magic time they needed without her.
Relax. Breathe,Lily coached herself.They don’t need time without you; they didn’t ask for the time you’re giving them.This was not how she’d wanted to start their break together. She had been looking forward to the uninterrupted days when she could finally be back with her girls. But then Marta showed up.
“Hi! Fellow lesbian?” she had said when she walked up to Lily in the bar.
Lily had arched a brow, but nodded in confirmation. .
“A bit forward, but I’ve lived here for over a year and you three are the first I’ve seen!”
And Lily understood. There were only like thirty lesbian bars in the States last time she checked, and while she had no issues at school, when she traveled city to city she often found herself wondering how queer women had even found each other before dating apps.
“I too am third-wheeling it,” Marta had said, nodding in the direction of the dancing Maya and Hanna. The comment dislodged the insecurity that had been growing in Lily, making it feel like truth. Was she a third wheel? Surely if a stranger could objectively see it… And in any case, what could Lily say to counter that? No, actually, we are all together?
So, Lily had just smiled and nodded, leaning into the insecurity and falling into an old routine. Flirt, flirt, flirt. This she knew how to do. And Marta was beautiful, all wild red curls and golden tanned skin—two things you didn’t often associate with one another. “My mother is Cuban and my dad moved here to be with her. She didn’t want to leave her family,” she had shared with Lily.
And then Marta had kissed her. Well, she’d kissed the inside of Lily’s wrist, but instead of the familiar rush that often accompanied welcomed overt advances, Lily felt wrong. Her instinct had been to pull away, but then her shock at that instinctfroze her in place, giving Marta time to continue to massage her lips on Lily’s sensitive skin, her warm hazel eyes watching Lily.
Lily got it, she was just shooting her shot. Lily had turned, searching out Hanna and Maya. She wanted their presence, their thoughts. She wanted to gauge their comfort. Mostly, she was suddenly gripped with anxiety at the fact that she didn’t want Marta if it meant not being able to have them.
But they hadn’t been there. Lily had grabbed their stuff, excused herself from a disappointed looking Marta, and went to go look for her girls. Finding them dancing again closer to the bar, Hanna had grown more and more inebriated, she and Maya had argued, and Hanna had cried. Hanna was probably telling Maya why. They were probably still curled up together, sharing whatever they didn’t share with Lily.
Stop, Lily thought to herself. These were the same thoughts that seemed to choke Lily anytime she wanted to press forward, to ask things like “Hey, can I visit you both for a weekend,” or the like.
Lily took a deep breath to fully extinguish those thoughts just as she heard the sliding door behind her open. She turned in the pool to find Maya and Hanna entering, both wearing bathing suits and holding mugs. Maya was holding two, and Lily was touched when she stood by the edge of the pool and handed it to Lily when she crossed through the water.
“Thanks,” Lily said, and took a long sip. Hot chocolate and coffee. Something Maya had made for them over winter break because she swore it made you feel better after a night of drinks.
“Mmmm,” Maya replied.
Hanna sat at the edge of the pool, her bare legs in the water and her navy blue one-piece clinging around her bust in a way that Lily dismissed for later–if there was a later. Maya set her mug on the side of the pool and slipped into the water to stand beside Lily. Her olive green bikini didn’t leave much to theimagination—but once again, Lily didn’t allow her mind to fill in any blanks.
Maya took a deep breath. “Okay so?—”
“We need to talk about last night,” Lily cut her off. Maya’s face relaxed into something that looked like relief, and Lily continued, “We need to talk about last night, and we need to talk about us, all three of us.”
26
MAYA
Maya felt the muscles in her shoulders relax and a knot smooth out in her stomach, even as her shock at Lily’s words had her closing her mouth. She couldn’t believe Lily had just laid it all in front of them like that, but she was immensely grateful. She slipped a little deeper into the pool, leaning on the wall fully as she soaked in the relief. They were talking about last night. They were going to talk about them—there was a ‘them’.
“Okay, what is there to talk about?” Hanna’s voice was huskier than normal, and she still looked a little green.
Maya felt the urge to roll her eyes. When they’d gotten up to find Lily gone, Hanna had tried to talk to Maya. But Maya just couldn’t. She’d woken up with the determination to sit the three of them down and facilitate a conversation. She hadn’t been crazy about coming to humid Florida in the first place, and she certainly wasn’t spending the remainder of the break navigating through Hanna and Lily’s tension. She wouldn’t be able to stand it. Not in this heat.
“Hanna, come on,” Maya meant to sound encouraging, but her voice came out pleading.
