She felt Maya’s arms wrap around her tighter, and let herself be slowly swayed out of her spiral.
“Such a flirt!” Maya’s voice said in her ear, as she gently rocked Hanna from side to side. There was a hint of amusement in her voice. Hanna knew she could count on Maya to ground her. Of course Maya would find humor in the situation. Of course Maya wouldn’t spiral and overreact. And why wasn’t she overreacting? Did that mean Maya didn’t care, and if she didn’t care, what did that mean? Was Hanna the only one thinking they’d deepened things between each of them?
“Hanna Banana!” Maya had stopped swaying and was nuzzling the side of Hanna’s face. She pulled away and moved in front of her.
“Do you want to get some air?” she asked, cupping Hanna’s face in her hands.
“No,” Hanna said, shaking her head for emphasis. No, she needed to calm down. Lily didn't owe her anything, didn’t owe them anything, clearly Maya could see that and was OK with it. Hanna could be too. She just needed to detach, detach, detach.
“Let’s go to the bar and get some shots,” Hanna said into Maya’s ear.
“Ah….” Maya said, her sultry brown eyes searching Hanna’s face. Hanna knew though, Maya wouldn’t say ‘no’ to her. And she didn’t.
The first shot took the edge off, tequila burning her throat and bubbling up in that noxious way only tequila does. Maya did one with her, but said she wasn’t going to do anymore. Hanna wasn’t surprised because Maya hated shots, but she didn’t stop Hanna. The second had helped her begin to drown out the storm of jealousy inside her. And as she took a moment to slowly blink her eyes closed, the third confirmed that the shots had been a mistake.
“Why didyou let her do shots?” Lily’s voice broke into Hanna’s consciousness and then the sound seemed to float away, along with what she thought had been the bar. Her head was against someone’s shoulder, and the uneasiness in her stomach told her she was in a car, her body between her girls.
“What was I supposed to do? She said she wanted to do shots,” Maya replied in a terse but hushed voice.
“Okay, but since when do any of usdrinkdrink, like have you seen her do shots before?” The world was coming back into focus decibel by decibel, sensation by sensation. She could tell through the vibrations and proximity that her head was on Lily’s shoulder. Her eyes were heavy, and she didn’t feel like making any sudden movements.
“Yes, actually, we went to a party once—” Maya started.
“Oh right, so you guys party together now, great.” Lily cut her off. She made an annoyed scoffing sound.
“Yes, you FaceTimed with us the next morning. Remember, it was the night she had that presentation we’d helped her prep for? We were blowing off steam.”
“Blowing off steam, yeah,” Lily responded, and from the sound of it she had turned her head.
“Yes, blowing off steam.”
Hanna wanted to tell them to stop. That she was fine now. Well not fine, but she was okay.
“And tonight? Was she ‘blowing off steam,’” Lily said sarcastically.
“As a matter of fact, yes she was, you ass.” Maya sounded angrier than Hanna was used to, but still her voice was quiet.Cutting, but quiet. Hanna wanted her to stop; if Maya said why she’d been upset out loud, then she’d have to really deal with it.
There was a beat of silence before Lily said, “What do you mean?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Maya snapped.
“No Maya, I am asking you because I know.” Lily’s voice was dripping with obvious sarcasm.
“The fact that you don’t know would be unbelievable, but it’s you.”
“What the actual fuck, Maya?” Lily’s voice was raised now, and her body shifted under Hanna’s weight.
No, no, no, but she was too heavy to stop it, held captive by tequila and bad decisions.
“You are so fucking unbelievable,” Maya said, and she sounded truly exasperated. “You two…” Maya started, but then stopped.
“Us what?”
“Nothing. I swear this is a stereotypical rom-com moment and I am not here for it.”
There was a heavy silence, like the silence you notice after a loud noise, like thunder, like something was about to crack. And then it finally did.
“The redhead,” Lily said quietly.
