“We’ve shared a bottle, besides I’m not sure glasses are conducive for, in there,” Lily said, gesturing towards the fort.
“Okay so in we go,” Maya said, grabbing the laptop and ushering the other two women inside. Hanna and Lily settled on either side of Maya, so much like the way they always slept together. Maya didn’t mind, she needed the contact.
The comedy helped a bit, with occasional laughter peppering the air, but the mood still felt heavy, still felt like they were constricted by words unsaid. Maya admonished herself for being “that girl.” She hadn’t meant to get so real and gloomy; it was just something about being with both Hanna and Lily. She felt comfortable in a way she hadn’t for some time. Lily was lonely, Maya could see right through her fuckboy persona. She wasterrified of being hurt. It was a truth Maya could see so clearly, and it made her want to hold Lily’s hand and let her know she would always have at least a friend in her. And Hanna, such a brat at times but really, she was just as afraid of rejection as Lily. Maybe that’s why they butted heads; they were so similar and yet dealt with their fears differently. The fact that Maya could see this so clearly made her comfortable. Sheunderstoodthem, and perhaps that’s why she felt so safe with them, these two women who worked so hard to hide the fact that all of their cards were face up on the table.
Hanna and Lily laughed at the bloopers at the end of the film, and Maya’s chest warmed. The room had darkened considerably with the day, and peeking from inside the fort, Maya saw that fat snowflakes had begun to fall.
“It’s snowing,” Maya said, to no one in particular.
“Oooh let’s go out and see it real quick,” Hanna squealed.
“You’re a native Vermonter, what do you care?” Lily said.
“It’s romantic!” Hanna breathed out, her lips stained red from the wine.
“Could be cute,” Maya said, humoring Hanna. She was willing to do anything to lift whatever spell of a mood she had placed on them.
“This is why I shouldn’t have given you two wine,” Lily said, but there was no real bite behind her words.
They left the fort and piled into the front doorway. They hadn’t bothered with coats; instead Maya grabbed one of the blankets off the top of the fort and wrapped it around them as they poked their heads outside.
“Ah it’s beautiful here,” Hanna said, as they looked out down across the dark property. Lily’s Aunt Julia had installed solar-powered fairy lights to illuminate different pathways and areas of the retreat. The effect, Maya had to admit, was quite romantic. The dark made it impossible to see everything, but that onlyadded to the mystical effect the lights had on the property. The fact that they were seemingly the only ones witnessing the swirling snow made it feel like it was a scene laid out just for them.
Hanna bounced slightly on her heels, and Maya smiled as she looked out across the property, an inch or so of snow already on the ground. It must have started shortly after they began watching the movie.
“Guess a hike is off the table tomorrow,” Maya said.
“It was a walk, Papaya,” Hanna said from between her and Lily, and Maya’s chest warmed at the use of the nickname.
“Traitor,” Maya mumbled, and Lily laughed.
“It’s beautiful,” Hanna said, and Maya agreed.
They sat in silence for a moment, looking at the dark grounds, the occasional gust of wind causing little snow swirls that were picked up by the lights.
“You could have called, you know.” Lily’s voice was serious. “I get it, I lived with that kind of stuff for years.”
It took a second for Maya to remember that there had been something hanging over them. “I know, I just…I didn’t, I don’t know.”
Hanna, shorter than her and Lily, had to look up at her slightly. In the faint glow of the lights outside, Maya could read genuine concern on her face. “I—we could have been there for you, I didn’t realize…it sounds like that was a lot, Papaya.”
“Or at least texted us to let us know what was going on, babe,” Lily said, and Maya’s stomach flipped at the pet name. The use of it made something inside her come undone, and a small tear escaped from her eye before she could blink it away.
“It’s just been like, I don’t even really know how my dad is managing, but my mom needs me so much. She wouldn’t even get out of bed. If I didn’t cook for her, I’m not sure she would eat.” Maya began to cry. “And I feel guilty being up here with youtwo, but I really needed this, and then you both started fighting and–” Maya cut herself off with a sob.
In what seemed like a swift single movement, she was wrapped up in both Lily and Hanna. Lily held her from behind and Hanna from the front. They slowly began to rock, back and forth. “We’re sorry,” they said, continuing to rock back and forth, eventually moving in a circle.
They stayed like that for a while; the movement was so soothing and combined with the release of what she’d been carrying, Maya began to calm, to relax a muscle she hadn’t even realized she’d been clenching. “Thank you,” she said. “It has been a lot taking care of her,” Maya admitted, wiping her eyes.
“I know babe, so let us take care of you,” Lily said from behind her into her ear. “We got you.”
“Yeah, we’ve got you,” Hanna repeated.
They moved in silence,though the tension had lifted. In its place was a tenderness Maya hadn’t known possible between the three of them. They kicked off their shoes and moved back into the house, all while still wrapped up together. It was like neither Hanna nor Lily wanted to let go of her, and Maya was grateful. When Lily started to move towards the living room, Maya asked, “Wait, we’re going back to the fort?”
Lily laughed and said, “We spent all that time building it!”
Hanna also laughed and said, “Admit it, you secretly liked it,” and Maya knew Lily did. The way she’d watched them putting it together. Maya smiled. She could give this to Lily. It didn’t really matter where they were, she just wanted to be close to the two women. The urgency of that desire had her urging Hanna in the direction Lily had started in.
