I saw the way her heart broke when she found out, how her face fell to the floor. I can’t get the image out of my head, no matter how hard I try.
When you love someone, you want to protect their heart. You crave to make them laugh and see the beautiful smile that you fell in love with. Even in my own sick way, that’s what I was trying to do. I wanted to protect her from the life that made me feel so low. It will beat you down into the ground if you let it.
I was sucker-punched into the dirt of Hollywood. I haven’t been able to get out since the age of fifteen. So, even though I made a mistake and kept the biggest secret about myself from her, I did it out of love.
That won’t be good enough now. I lost her. The woman I always praised like a goddess.
This entire situation just proves how weak and cruel I am. I break everyone that comes into my life. I’m a tornado, a violent mess that takes down everything in its path, leaving nothing for others but destruction and ashes.
I didn’t deserve Trinity in the first place. Maybe this entire time, God was playing a joke on me. He gave me the girl of my dreams, who loved me for me. And now, she’s snatched away, leaving me absolutely crushed on the inside because that’s what I deserve.
He’s showing me that I’m a disgrace, a laughingstock to the entire world.
The soles of my shoes crush the cement pebbles under my feet as I stride my way home. I curse the entire world with every step I take.
I wish to disappear, knowing the girl I’ll forever love will never heal unless I’m gone.
My thoughts eat me alive as I swing the back door open roughly. It bangs against the wall, creating unwanted attention my way. Just what I didn’t want.
My eyes spot Elijah as he sits at the kitchen table with Amelia. I see them in the same spot every day for hours. Amelia cries into the palms of her hands, refusing to eat the food as Elijah pushes it toward her. Amelia has had an eating disorder for three years. The more fame we got, the more brutal people became toward her appearance. Every day, we have to do the same thing. If I didn’t hate the world right now, I would give her a hug. Seeing my sister cry wrenches something in my gut every time.
Though the only person I want a hug from wants nothing to do with me. And that fuels my anger one hundred times more.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Elijah sighs and runs a hand down his face in defeat. Making Amelia’s red eyes find mine.
Leaning against the wall, I glare while shaking my head. “Oh, you know, just the love of my life breaking up with me because she found out I’m a rock star.”
I laugh, and Elijah and Amelia sit still in their seats.
“She looked at me like I was a stranger and literally threw me out of her house.” Every damn word that leaves my mouth gets louder.
My siblings flinch, their eyes growing with sadness. I know Amelia and Elijah just lost a best friend. They love her almost as much as I do.
“How did she find out?” Amelia croaks out.
In the perfect way. Note the sarcasm.
“When I had my tongue down her throat, her best friend walked in on us and proceeded to yell and jump up and down like I’m Jesus.” My hands clench at my sides at the horrible memory. The anger in me is overpowering the sadness, making me ruthless.
“What if I go talk to her?” my sister says, getting up from her seat.
I stop her by suddenly yelling, “Sit down and eat your food, Amelia, or so help me God.”
She staggers back in shock.
“Hey, man, watch it,” Elijah presses, giving me a glare in warning.
Guilt immediately fills my gut. Why do I always take out my anger on the people I love? I would die for my siblings, and I just attacked my sister.
Sighing out in defeat, I walk over to her, pulling her to me. I hold her as she cries into my chest.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to eat and for being a burden. I’m so sorry about Trinity,” she says, and I pull away.
Gripping my arm tightly in her hand, she says, “I know how much you love that girl, and if I know one thing about her … I know she’ll come around. You know why?” She pauses.
All I can do is shrug my shoulders in reply.
“Because she loves you.”
