“I made her hate love. She wants nothing to do with me,” I say and gently pull my arm out of her grasp.
Elijah just stands to the side. He’s hunched forward as he gets lost in his thoughts. A minute later, he looks up and rapidly blinks the tears in his eyes away.
That kills.
Looking pointedly at our sister, he nods at the food and demands in a firm voice, “Just a little more, okay?”
I walk away from the two as I hear my sister let out a broken whimper.
As I slam my bedroom door behind me, I sink down on the floor with my head in my hands. I feel empty.
I’ve let secrets define me, and love has absolutely broken me.
THIRTY-SEVEN
TRINITY
It’s been days since me and Leonidas’s fight. My days are mostly spent in bed. Forcing myself to use the bathroom is a chore. Food feels like thick chalk in my mouth. I wince after I swallow every bite. My room is dark, creating a depressing look, matching my glum mood.
A couple hours ago, I threw my phone across the room. I haven’t gotten up to go check if it’s cracked. Who cares if it is? I know the only people who would call me are the triplets and Harper.
If Harper hadn’t told me about his identity, Leonidas probably would have never told me. That stings more than getting lemon juice in your eye.
I would have understood in the beginning. We were just getting to know one another. I still would have loved him for who he truly was. Yet why didn’t he tell me after he asked me to be his girlfriend or when I showed him every day that I loved him? There’s no excuse. I see him differently now, and nothing can change that. I’m frustrated with myself. My thoughts eat me alive.
I love him so much, and I hate that I still do.
I hate after all that he’s kept from me, I still love him. I hate the fact that I want him to come up to my window and try to come in. I hate wanting to know how he looks onstage. I hate how he opened up my heart to him and destroyed it like it was a toy.
I feel so lonely without him. He made my days brighter when they were dark and stormy. He made me smile when I didn’t want to wake up and see another day.
I want to punch but kiss his face at the same time.
Even though it killed me to see the way he dropped to the floor in agony when I told him I didn’t love him, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel even a small percentage of the pain I was feeling.
I think I accomplished my goal, but why do I feel so shitty about it?
I can’t help but think I fell in love with someone else. How will I know the difference between the truth and lies? How will I look at him the same?
I know how it feels to get attached to someone. You feel like you’re nothing without them. That’s the look I saw on Leonidas’s face. I saw him crumple before my eyes. I saw the remaining happiness drain out of his eyes as he pleaded with me to forgive him. I can’t. Not right now. I need time to think.
Not to mention, Elijah and Amelia. They all lied to me too. They knew how heartbroken I was about my father. I told them how I hated music, and they just sat there and pretended their entire life didn’t revolve around melodies.
I feel like a fool. They probably got a good laugh out of the whole situation.
Most of all, I feel stupid. How did I not know? For sure, there were signs. How did I not see them and pick up on them? It’s because I trusted them and didn’t suspect a thing. Look where that got me. Alone in my dark room, starving and drained.
I physically can’t cry anymore. I lost my dog and boyfriend all in one day.
I’m so lonely.
My thoughts are screaming at me, laughing like I’m a comedy show.
In my head, I do believe I am.
Surprisingly, Mom tried to come in my room. With the door locked, I weakly told her not to come in. I heard faintly as she lingered by the door and ran to the stairs a minute later. I’d bet a million bucks that she’s going to go see Rodrigo. Always picking him over her own blood.
I need to leave and never look back. I can’t wait till I get out of here.
