Even as her hand shook in mine, Ysabel’s voice took on that horribly distant tone again. It scared me. “I tried to have it both ways. I tried to save both of us. Maybe I wasn’t as selfless as Calum. I struck a deal with Kaine to defeat Jiang in the Games, break my life-oath, and rescue Calum.”
“Which is what Calum would have wanted you to do!” I said loudly. Our big brother had always protected both of us. “The so-called cardinal turned out to be a demented necromancer. You couldn’t have let him win.”
“I remember when Jiang launched his rebellion. He met me just inside the city. He had Calum. He smiled at me. Then he slit Calum’s throat.”
I gasped.
Ysabel wrenched away from me. She put her head in her hands, her fingers digging deep into her scalp. “It’s my fault that our brother is dead. I failed Calum. I couldn’t tell you because I was afraid you’d hate me.”
“It’s not your fault!” I nearly screamed it, even though I knew my words would make little difference. If our positions had been reversed, I would have blamed myself, too. What were words except empty nonsense? “I’m sorry I made you tell me.” I wanted to know, but I hated the pain I’d caused her. “I hateJiang. I’m so angry at what he did to you and Calum. I’m glad he’s dead. I want to dig up his bones and burn whatever is left of him.”
Ysabel looked up at me with teary eyes. “But itismy fault. Everything happened because of me. If I didn’t exist, then Calum would be alive.”
“IfIdidn’t exist, then Calum would still be alive and you’d never have been sold into slavery and fallen into that necromancer scum’s clutches.”
Surprise erased the agony from Ysabel’s voice. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“Yes, it does. After Dad sold you, he told Mom that he could afford to lose you because they had another girl old enough to work around the house. Therefore, if I hadn’t been born, none of this tragedy ever would have happened.”
“That’s hardly your fault!”
“I could say the same to you.”
“Who knows if Dad was even telling the truth?”
“Again, I could say the same about Former Head Cardinal Jiang and his improbable promise to ever let Calum go.”
Ysabel shook her head. “It’s not the same.”
“My claim is exactly as logical as yours.”
Tears overflowed from Ysabel’s eyes. “There must have been a way I could have saved Calum,” she whispered. “There must have been something I should have done differently. I’d only just reconciled with him, then he died. I want him back! I miss him so much!”
“Me, too.” I wrapped my arms around my older sister, and we wept until our tears had run out.
After we’d both cried our way to exhaustion, I helped Ysabel stand up. Not only did she look exhausted, the pregnancy was clearly wearing on her, too. She never used to move so slowly.
When I opened the door, Kaine stood on the other side. “Can I take you back to our room? Do you need a hot drink?”
“How do you always do that?” Ysabel asked with a mixture of affection and exasperation. “How do you have a supernatural ability to know when I’ve been crying?”
Kaine blinked. “I’ve got enhanced hearing, but this time, it was too loud for me to need it. Who am I going to murder?”
Ysabel laughed. “No one, unless you can kill Jiang again.”
“I could dig up his bones and burn them.”
I nodded. “That’s whatIsuggested.”
Ysabel massaged her temples. “The drink sounds nice. I’d like to lie down for a bit. Bora, we’ll talk more about our political plans later.”
My sister leaned on her husband as she walked away, his arm around her shoulders. Her hair fell slightly out of her bun, over hislarge fingers. He murmured something to her, then she collapsed deeper into his embrace.
Alone, I considered what I wanted to do. There was no doubt plenty of work setting my deals in motion, but I didn’t have the energy. Nor did I want to be alone. I knew exactly what I wanted.
I wanted to see Araceli. I felt surprised by the intensity of the desire. If we could just be in the same room or exchange a few words, it would make me feel better.
I nearly asked the closest person where to find Araceli, then thought better of it. I’d make a huge fuss and have absolutely no reason for it. How would I explain myself?
